


Dr Anders from Sex Ed

by DovaBunny



Category: Dragon Age II
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Anders is a dork, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Explicit Sexual Content, Fenris is into it, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, M/M, Meaning there's elves and qunari and fireballs, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Sex Education, modern with magic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-25
Updated: 2017-06-28
Packaged: 2018-10-10 06:52:52
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 15
Words: 41,484
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10431633
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DovaBunny/pseuds/DovaBunny
Summary: Dr Anders, the youngest healer to receive his doctorate in medicinal magic has a side-job. He teaches sex-ed to the swarms of reluctant first years at his university as part of the new nationwide 'safer campuses initiative' and moonlights as the doctor on-call at KU (Kirkwall University) Student Health Services.Then he gets an anonymous note in class that turns his world upside down.





	1. The Note in the Box

 

As part of the new nationwide campaigning for safer campuses, all freshmen were now required to take a few classes as part of their orientation. These included a rundown of campus security, tips on how to stay safe, introducing of mentors and other help staff, and of course, a crash course on sex-education, with a heavy emphasis on consent.

Anders didn’t mind teaching it, really. It was a break from the monotony of teaching Magic in Medicine over at the health faculty while moonlighting at student health services (any student comes in, it’s one of three things – 1. They’re drunk for the first time and can’t handle it, 2. They’re hungover and have a test in a half hour, or 3. They got drunk and hurt themselves and is probably still a little drunk). That being said, that didn’t mean he always liked all the students who reluctantly trudged into the compulsory 4-class course.

There were the nice once, of course. The shy, the curious, the lost, and even those who found it boring but at least had the decency to try and stay awake while he did his best to put a condom on a cucumber as simply as possible, to explaining the intricacies of interspecies sex, and why sex with a dwarf and sex with a qunari may be two very different experiences.

Then there were those who just drove him to alcohol.

Cocky jocks asking vile questions to get a rise out of him, those who would come in, ask for condoms, then go to the back of the class to sleep (at least they’re not reproducing), and the religious nuts who would interrupt him to proclaim ‘no sex is the only safe sex’, ‘your body is a chantry’, and 'Andraste is watching’. He hated that kid, Sebastian was his name.

It was the second class of the new semester, the one he always dreaded. Students were asked to anonymously write down their questions and toss them in a box. He’ll then pull them out at random and answer. There was always those who never took it seriously - doodled dicks on the page, asked if he was a queer or 'whats it like up the butt’. His posters for marriage equality that hung next to the ones about consent and safe sex were apparently enough for them to assume he was gay, somehow justifying their choice not to take him seriously.

He loathed those students. Thank the Maker the course was only four weeks.

Teaching it for the fourth year in a row now, another skill he picked up was noting who had asked the question he was reading aloud. Whether it was Hawke’s blush and squirm when he read 'where’s the g-spot?’, Isabella’s smirk when he read 'are you into chicks too? Also, r u free tonight?’, or Merril’s rapt interest when he read 'why do shems get shy and weird when people talk about sex?’, or, of course, Aveline’s scoff when he read 'this is stupid’.

His job was easy, simple enough when he developed a thick skin to the homophobes and assholes. There was no drama, nothing he couldn’t answer; it was almost amusing how mindless the task was.

Until he picked up the last piece of question in the box…

The torn piece of paper was abused, smudgy; like the person had clenched it in a clammy fist. It had been shoved into the bottom of the pile where it hid crumpled, almost as if hoping to be overlooked.

He took one look at the question and his heart stopped.

_‘You speak of consent like it’s the law, the norm. It’s not. 'No’ doesn’t make it stop. You live in a fantasy world. Teaching this 'class’ - you know nothing.’_

His chest clenched achingly and he felt his breath hitch. He stared at the piece of paper in his hand, the words he couldn’t, wouldn’t read aloud. His eyes shot up, desperately searching the faces for a tell.

One of his students was in trouble.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was a Tumblr drabble I wrote late one night. I liked it so I thought I'd post it here. I may or may not write more on it soon, but for now my attention is on my Prison Au first. 
> 
> If you like it, let me know! I may get back to it sooner than I thought. As always, super open to suggestions and feedback!


	2. The Number on the Board

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soooo you know how I'm supposed to be focusing on my other fic? Yeah, this weekend I got struck by some inspiration for this story and just about wrote the whole damn thing. 
> 
> Chapters will mostly be short, but should be coming in more often. When I initially wrote the first chapter, I had no plans on anything beyond that drabble, but that has changed! Largely due to the wonderful comments and kudos this has gotten :D so thank you so very kindly for that. 
> 
> Note that this is not beta'd and is written and edited by my sleep-deprived second-language English ass, so excuse any typos! But if you spot them, do let me know and I'll fix 'em!

His eyes dart across the room – surely this is just some sick joke…right?

No, impossible. No one can make something like this up.

_Please- just a flinch, a wince, a nervous blink – anything! Please, show me who you are!_

Nothing. A room of perfectly placid faces stares back at him expectantly, save for Aveline’s eyes narrowing at the lecturer who appears to have lost his mind and Merril’s eyebrows raising in curiosity and concern.

“I ah…”, _shit_ , what should he do? He has to do something! Somewhere in this room is someone in dire need of help, and this might be his only chance to reach out – for anyone to reach out to them.

He held the note protectively against his chest without realising as he took a steadying breath.

“The issue of consent is not one that is debatable. There are no grey areas to what is and isn’t okay. If you are made to engage in sexual activity, either actively or passively, despite saying ‘no’ or not being able to say no – then that is non-consensual.” He leant forward over his desk, eyes imploring the students, “This.Is.Illegal! There is no two-ways about it, no matter what anyone says, no matter whether the person is a stranger in a dark alleyway, a lover, or a life partner.”

Anders caught Hawke furrowing his brows in confusion for a moment, then hesitantly raise his hand.  He nodded in acknowledgement for him to go ahead. “You mentioned not being able to say no?” Anders waits for a moment but realises that was the extent of the question.

“A person is unable to consent when they are intoxicated, under threat – either direct or indirect, unconscious, or in a dominating, abusive relationship where they are not allowed to refuse.”

Anders watches as the information settles over the room. There are some indications of introspection and recognition, a brow furrowing and eyes dropping to the desk, and some worried looks. People always envision non-consensual sex to be being raped by a stranger, but he knows, more often than not, it’s the ones you trusted.

The clock on the wall reads five-to-three, he needs to wrap this up.

This is his last shot. He has to give the mystery person something or they’ll walk out and possibly be lost forever.

He worries his bottom lip between his teeth for a moment, _it’s insanity_ , but he has to try.

“I know this isn’t conventional, but,” he lets out a shaky sigh, “I’m going to give you my personal cellphone number. You already know you can find me at the student wellness clinic most nights where my door will always be open to you, but I want to give you this number regardless in case any of you ever find yourselves in an emergency with no one to turn to or if you need help. Please don’t abuse it, I will not respond those who don’t take it seriously. But if you ever need help and you don’t know what to do – please, _please_ use it, and I _promise_ I will do everything in my power to be there.”

He let his eyes roam intensely over the faces before him, letting the seriousness of the issue settle. Once satisfied, he turns and writes his number on the board. Phones come out to enter the digits. He feels a relief at the stern expressions as eyes move between the board and their devices. Even the condom-hogging loafers at the back, the cocky jokes, and Holier-than-thou Sebastian are seen saving his number on their phones.

“Class dismissed.”

Now he can only hope it was enough.


	3. The Voice from the Alley

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two chapters in one night wat.

Two weeks and two days after _that_ sex-ed class.

 

It’s been more than two weeks but Anders still couldn’t get the note out of his head.

He saved it between the pages of his diary, stubbornly refusing to let it go as if doing so means he has given up on its writer - which couldn't be further from the truth.

His phone has been no more busy than usual, save for the one drunk dial from someone who sounded suspiciously a lot like that Isabela girl. Years ago he might’ve been tempted to give in to her pleading to meet her at a bar, but he was a different man back then.

He snorts at how old he feels, despite being barely 26, as he puts on his red hoody, slings his backpack on and leaves his tiny office (he’s pretty sure used to be a supply closet) at the Student Wellness clinic. His shifts usually end at midnight, but he’ll still be on call for the rest of the evening. And call they often do, especially on a clear Wednesday night like tonight. He hopes he can get some sleep before his class on ‘Introduction to Medicinal Magic’ at 8am the next morning across campus at the Health Faculty.

He bids the nurse at the front desk goodnight and promises not to put his phone on silent, no matter how many stupid, drunken students might need stitches. _That was one time! And 17 calls between 12 and 7am! After number 16 cried about her ex-boyfriend's new hot fling, flirted shamelessly with him then puked and passed out on him - he's pretty sure Andraste herself would've been like 'nah I'm done for the night'._

The cool autumn air is not entirely unwelcome as he makes his way across the silent, dimly-lit campus toward the bus stop. He has a car, but public transport is better for the environment and all that. Even if the stop is situated in one of the more popular club districts in the city.

He rounds the last corner off campus so the stop comes into view, the thumping buzz of the clubs and students probably drunkenly thinking of new ways to injure themselves is oddly familiar and comforting as he strolls along.

Suddenly he hears a noise that sends ice down his spine – a desperate, muffled cry.

Everything else drowns out as he whips his head around searching for its origins. There it is again, coming from the alley behind the bar just ahead of him.

Without hesitating he dashes towards the sound, throwing a mage light up ahead of him. He immediately makes out a tall human towering over someone smaller pressed against the wall behind the dumpster.

“Hey! What do you think you’re doing!”

There’s a low hum of frustration at being interrupted as the man turns around to regard Anders, and-

“Danarius?”

“Anders.”

Danarius. The dean’s spoiled, bratty son, infamous for his supposed ‘brilliance’, but those who know better despise him. He’s been working on his phd in bio-medical engineering for years, having often been accused of animal testing and unethical practice, but of course, nothing came of the accusations. No doubt 'daddy took care of it'. Anders suspects his research and the sudden decline of cats and birds on campus are no coincidence. The man is cruel, entitled, and everything that’s wrong with academia.

“I assumed there is a purpose to this most,” Danarius eyes him disdainfully up and down, takin in his worn sneakers, scrubs and red hoody, “ _rude_ , interruption?”

Remembering himself, Anders has to lean to the side to see the person Danarius is obviously trying to shield. He sees white hair, head hung low as shaky hands fumble to zip up jeans and adjust a wrinkled shirt.

Ignoring Danarius’ snarl and attempt at intimidation he puts on his ‘doctor voice’ and gentle but firmly asks, “Hey, are you okay?”

The person lifts his head and elf ears and green eyes come into view. He recognises him as one of his students from the sex-ed course. Fen-something. He used to sit way in the back and kept to himself.

Despite the worrying body language, the eyes that meet him shoot a quick worrying glance to Danarius' face then turns defiant and angry. “What in the void are _you_ doing here?” he spits the words as if he had just been terribly insulted.

Anders is dumbfounded. He can’t shake the feeling that something about this is off, very off, but the elf’s reaction throws him. “I-, I heard a noise and I thought you might-”

“Might what?" Danarius interjects, stepping back between the two, “Need a scrawny little has-been doctor to save him from kissing his big-bad-boyfriend? Seriously Anders, you’re pathetic. All that,” he waves his hand dismissively, “sex education and wanting to save people who don’t need saving is rotting your mind.”

“At least I can sleep with a clear conscience at night, Danarius. I still have my dignity,” Anders bites back.

“Hah! What dignity? You could’ve been working alongside my team on the most exciting advances in bio-medical research in Thedas – but no. You had to get all uppity about ethical bureaucratic bullshit, and now you teach first years how to put on condoms and spend your nights being puked on. Pathetic.” He snarls again, dismissing any retort Anders might have as he walks off, “Come Fenris!”

“Yes Danarius.” The elf obediently falls into step behind him, and again Anders is struck by a gut feeling of ‘ _wrong’_.

Just as Danarius turns into the bar, Anders reaches out and grabs Fenris by the shoulder, “hey, are you sure you’re okay?” He intently searches the elf’s emerald green eyes suddenly wide and large before they narrow at him.

“Release me,” Fenris growls lowly and Anders quickly complies, “don’t concern yourself with our affairs, it is unwarranted and unwanted. You know not what you meddle with.”

With that the elf’s eyes lose their prideful defiance and drops back to the floor as he rushes to catch up with Danarius.

Feet still planted, Anders turns his head back to stare at the wall where he had just found the two moments before, his jaw slack and his eyes unblinking, trying to make sense of it all.

He lets out a defeated sigh and extinguishes the magelight as he makes his way slowly back towards the bus stop. Even if the elf had been in trouble, there was no use in trying to help someone who doesn’t want to be helped; who doesn’t know they might need help.

He can only hope his gut feeling is wrong.

 

Two months and six days since _that_ sex-ed class.  

 

Anders is awoken to the sound of his phone ringing. The clock reads 4:12 am.

Thinking it’s probably the clinic he picks up without looking at the number, voice hoarse with sleep, one foot still in the fade.

“Hello?”

“Um, hello. Is this- is this Dr Anders from sex-ed?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please do let me know what you think! I'm taking a creative writing course and I really want to get better at this - so critique is also very welcome.


	4. The Call

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FINALLY it's up!
> 
> I lost my writing confidence a bit after the last chapter, but the wonderful SocialDeception came to my rescue as Beta and personal hero! Go read her piece: 'Disclosure' if you haven't already! It's awesome!

“Um, hello. Is this- is this Dr. Anders from sex-ed?”

The voice was rough, hesitant, and vaguely familiar. Strange. Not Lirene from the clinic then. He pulled the phone from his ear to squint into the blinding light – not a number he knew.

“I- ah, yes?” he responded, rubbing his eyes with his free hand in an effort to will himself awake.

“Oh, good, good-good. Uhm, I- we-…” a nervous, harsh breath crackled over the connection. “Someone needs your help.”

It all came back and smacked him into wakefulness like a wet fish to the face. The note, the class, the number. Suddenly he was more awake than he’d ever been. Even more so than when he and Justine drank those six espressos before their finals. He shot up so abruptly that his poor cat who had been sleeping on his chest was catapulted off. Pounce landed in fight-mode on the floor, hissing ferociously at invisible enemies all around. Anders didn’t have have it in him to laugh.

“Where are you?” Anders responded soberly.

“We’re at 45 Lowtown street, the apartments above the Hanged Man. Number 4.”

“I’m on my way.”

Anders was already up and pulled his jeans over his Grumpy Cat boxers, before fishing his red hoodie out of the pile of clothes on the chair in the corner.

Everything around him felt like it was moving in slow motion, but his mind was crystal clear and firmly set on the task at hand. He grabbed his car keys and first-aid kit on the way out.

He had absolutely no idea what he was in for, but he had sworn to the medical board and promised to his class that he would do anything in his power to protect, heal, and help – and by Maker he would.

___________

  


Anders spaced out on the ride over, a blur of red lights and turn signals till he stopped on the loading zone in front of the Hanged Man. It was a reasonably-priced, old timey pub in Lowtown, favoured by the students for their affordable alcohol and hearty meals. 

He took the stairs, pushed in past the heavy doors off to the side which lead up to the apartments above the bar, eyes scanning for a number ‘4’. 

First aid kit in hand, sockless feet shoved unceremoniously into worn sneakers, wrinkled jeans and hoodie, and long messy hair haphazardly pulled up into a loose bun - he knew his image didn’t exactly yell ‘I am a professional and an adult who pays bills and everything; fear not, I am here to help!’ He took a steady breath and knocked as calmly as he could, in contrast to his heartbeat which was racing and pounding in his chest. 

He heard some hushed arguing and then the door swung open. 

“Oh, thank the Maker!”

Hawke, the big, burly first year who seemed to always be nervously fidgeting, ushered him in quickly. He seemed more like a child stuffed into a man’s body, especially with his shirt saying ‘Amell’s Pizza! 24 hour delivery’, with a little comical dragon smiling with arms full of pizza boxes. 

“I came as fast as I could.” Doctor’s eyes scanned the young man who was six years his junior, but nearly twice his mass, and saw no reason for alarm. “What happ…” - till his gaze panned to the rest of the room. 

He was vaguely aware of Isabela, still in her bartender uniform, and Varric in his pj’s, but his world zoned in on the figure on a ragged, red couch on the opposite end of the small living room.

The pointed tips of Elven ears peaked out from white hair stained red on the right side of his face, one emerald green eye nearly swollen shut, a scatter of bruises and cuts along the side of his face. The trembling figure held his knees tightly to his chest, but Anders could make out a neat black button-down shirt and pants which were torn and covered in dark bloodied stains. 

“We found him like that,” Hawke’s hesitant voice reached him. “He wouldn’t talk to us and seemed very confused and disorientated.”

“Andraste’s flaming tits…” Anders cursed under his breath. 

Fenris’ shifty, glazed eyes settled on Anders, and with a spark of recognition, went wide with panic. 

“Hey, hey it’s okay,” Anders said gently in the voice he reserved for coaxing scared alley cats into petting. “It’s alright Fenris, you’re safe now.” He turned to Isabela who gave him a sad, knowing smile, but before he could open his mouth she took initiative. 

“We’ll give you some privacy,” she said as she all but dragged her two friends out of the room, shushing Hawke’s ‘but’s’ and averting Varric’s curious eyes.

Finally alone in the room with Fenris, Anders settled down on his knees before the frightened elf on the couch, talking calmly and softly. “Fenris, I know you must be scared right now, but it’s going to be alright. Can you tell me what happened?”

Fenris bit into a quivering bottom lip, watery eyes cast down at his scrapped, exposed knees. He closed his eyes and gave his head a little shake, as if willing himself to wake up from a bad dream. 

“Please,” Anders pleaded, resisting the urge to reach out and comfort the elf. “I want to help you, but for that I need to know what happened. I know you have no reason to, but you can trust me Fenris, I won’t let any further harm come to you, I swear it.”

That made large, misty green eyes look up to stare intently into honey-brown ones, as if studying them, looking for something. 

“I’m not allowed to talk to you, or them,” Fenris said so quietly that it was barely audible. 

Anders had to swallow back his own rage and bile. He should’ve known Danarius would be the obsessive, dominating type! He should’ve-

“But that doesn’t matter anymore…” the small, choked voice continued. “I ran away. He will not want me back now. I broke too many rules and ran away.” A mixture of panic and numb acceptance wrestled over the elf’s battered features. 

He should’ve known. That night in the alley, Danarius’ barking tone of command, Fenris’ muffled cry, submissive fidgeting, and almost aggressive defensiveness. He should’ve known. 

Fenris was the student in trouble. 

The suffocating grip of guilt was pushed aside for now, he had to focus on making this right, on helping Fenris and seeing to it that justice was served. He wanted to assure him that running was the best and bravest choice he ever could’ve made, but knew now was not the time for that.

“Why did you run?” he prodded gently. 

Anders waited patiently as Fenris worried a bruised bottom lip for a few moments, seemingly collecting his thoughts before he spoke, his voice nearly as quiet as before. 

“I was at Danarius’ estate. He had company and I was waiting on them, pouring wine and serving food as requested. There was talk of my… skills. Danarius was bragging. There was teasing and disagreement. Danarius does not take kindly to being undermined.”

A light shudder moved over the already shaking frame that was now slowly starting to calm, knees lowering slightly. 

“I was excused to the kitchen, but called upon shortly after. They handed me a drink and asked me to join them. This is highly uncustomary, I- I am not to familiarize myself with Danarius’ guests.”

Again, Anders had to bite down his own burning rage and indignation, fighting to keep a calm, neutral exteriority to help ease the elf. 

“Soon after, I began to feel strange.”

“Strange how?”

“Like I was suddenly terribly drunk, but that was not possible. I had only had half the glass of wine they gave me.”

Anders felt a chill run down his spine to tear at the pit of his stomach as he recognized the signs and his mind started putting the pieces together. Maker’s knickers he hoped he was wrong though. 

“What happened next?”

Fenris visibly swallowed, the tension returning to his figure as he pulled his legs to his chest in a shielding position. 

“Things became… disorientated, from there on. Fragmented. There was laughing and teasing. I was touched in a manner I did not appreciate. Danarius gave encouraging remarks. I tried to resist, but I was struck.”

“And then?”

“Then, nothing. I can’t remember. The next thing I knew I was here. The female human said they found me on the side of the road, wandering aimlessly.”

Anders had heard enough. “Thank you for telling me, Fenris, for trusting me. Now, we need to get you to a hospital so they can patch you up and open a case.”

“Will Danarius get in trouble?” Fenris asked cautiously

“I’m not going to lie to you, Fenris, he probably will - as he should.”

“But he-” he seemed to want to protest, shoulders slumping and eyes falling in shame.

“He hurt you, Fenris. He let you be hurt. Whether or not he was the one who struck you or touched you, be didn’t stop it. Fenris, look at me - ” Anders gently reached out to tilt the cowering, submissive elf’s chin up so their eyes met. “You did nothing wrong. You have nothing to be ashamed of. What they did to you was wrong, even if you don’t see it right now - please believe me.”

“I- I can’t… my studies, I…” Fenris stammered. 

Realisation settled in. “He pays for your studies.” It was more statement than question. 

Fenris nodded. “I’m here on a student Visa. I will lose it. I can’t pay, and I won’t go back to Tevinter! Please Doctor, don’t make me go back!”

Tevinter. That explained a lot. He glanced again at Fenris’ drooping ears. “I promised you I would help, and I meant it. I won’t let anyone take you back and, please, call me Anders.” He gave the Fenris a warm smile, “I can help get a scholarship of your own, and a place to stay. You need never return to Teviner, or Danarius, but you’ll have to trust me. Can you do that?”

Fenris studied him for a while, then dropped his gaze down to his fidgeting hands again; his whole posture exuding uncertainty and nervousness. “What would you get out of this?”

“I get to keep my promise.”

The eyes that met his were suspicious, disbelieving, but hopeful.

“... Okay,” he finally whispered, taking a shaky breath before repeating: “Okay.”


	5. The Doctor Stays

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SO - some of you might think the Fenris in this chapter might be a little OOC, but keep in mind we're dealing with essentially the modern version of slave!Fenris. Tips, critique, and suggestions very welcome tho! 
> 
> Again, hugs and Oreos to my lovely Beta SocialDeception!

Anders called ahead to let Justine know he’d bring in a ‘Red 42’, the name of the form used in cases of suspected sexual assault. Fenris was a silent, still presence next to him. Only the rhythmic dance of street lamp light over the quiet, bruised and battered figure confirmed he was still there. 

Justine usually handled these cases, and did so exceptionally well. Although not having Anders’ bedside manner and gentility, she was exactly what a Red 42 needed at that time; Steady, calm, and persuasive in getting people to share just about anything.

Her persuasiveness and general badassery got her through Med school without ever taking a single note in class, somehow studying off the notes of the 5 top students. It was also how she got him to get matching tattoos at their graduation: a cat with a stethoscope being ridden like a horse by a a knight in a white coat wielding an injection like a sword. They were classy and professional like that.

Regardless of his terrible taste in best friends, he knew she was exactly who Fenris needed at that moment, and had assumed he’d be handing Fenris over into more capable and comforting hands and let her do what she did best - see justice done - only the usually mysterious and reclusive elf had seemed to latch onto  _ him  _ instead.

Anders had just pulled up his green little old-school VW beetle with a sputter at the emergency entrance of the hospital and said, “Here we are,” when Fenris turned large panicked eyes to him. 

“Y-you’re going to leave?” Fenris sounded like the words choked him. His hand darted out to reach for Anders’ arm, but recoiled like he’d been caught red-handed just before his hand touched Anders’ bare arm where his hoodie’s sleeves were pushed back. 

Not thinking, Anders quickly reached out to take Fenris’ hand and place it on his arm. More often than not, patients would show you what they needed if you knew what to look for. Especially those who were not able or willing to ask for what they needed. Fenris needed an anchoring touch, a reliable hand that wouldn’t let go. 

“No,” Anders tried to reassure him, keeping a gentle, warm hand on the quivering, icey one gripping his arm. “I just need to go park, I’ll be back in 2 secs.” That didn’t seem to assure the heavily breathing elf who just stared at their touching hands with a mixture of awe, fear, and confusion. “ _ Or _ you could just come with me,” he tried. 

That worked, but only a little. Fenris looked up at him in a calculating manner, then said: “promise me.”

Fenris seemed to be holding on to Anders’ word as his lifeline. Anders could understand that - needing something to trust in, something to hold on to when the world around you seemed to collapse into chaos. 

_ If that’s what Fenris needs, then Maker’s tits, that’s what I’ll will give him.  _

“I promise. I won’t leave your side, Fenris,” he swore. 

Finally Fenris let go of the tension. The corners of his lips quirked up just the faintest bit before he quietly thanked him. The confused, analytical look in his eyes when he gazed at Anders remained.

 

The familiar clinical, sterile smell of hospital filled his sense the moment they stepped into the emergency ward. Justine was waiting at the reception and gestured them in after her.

“I’m Dr. Justine Kristoff,” she said as she tried to walk alongside Fenris, who didn’t leave Anders’ side, eyes downcast while blindly following, leaving her half a step ahead, “What is your name?”

Fenris shot Anders a look; the look a child gives their parent when a doctor asked them a question and they tried to get the parent to respond in their stead. 

“His name is Fenris.”

Justine’s piercing blue eyes looked at Anders questioningly, to which Anders just shook his head. 

“Alright then, Fenris, I grabbed all the paperwork we’ll need while waiting for you. Can you tell me how old you are?”

Fenris worried a bruised bottom lip, eyebrows knitting in determination before he quietly said: “nineteen.”

Justine made a note on her clipboard. “Alrighty. Do you have a parent or guardian we can contact, or will you be paying for the treatment?”

Anders knew Justine was trying to get the necessary paperwork out of the way, something she hated, so she could get to the part where she started ‘ _ finally doing her job _ ’, as she usually said. Still, he cringed at her bluntness, but it didn’t feel like he’d been punched in the gut until he looked down at the large emerald eyes brimming with desperation and pleading.

They had reached a cornered-off bed at the end of the ward. The bustle of nurses, beeping of machines, and unforgiving bright lighting of the hospital seemed dimmer here. 

“You know what, I’ll handle that, Just-, Dr Kristoff. You go ahead with what you need to do.” He took the clipboard with the forms from her and sat down on the small visitor’s stool next to the bed, jotting down his details under the ‘Guardian’ and ‘Payment’ sections. He gave Fenris a reassuring smile, urging him to comply with Justine’s gesture to get on the bed. The look he got in return was so full of trust and appreciation that Anders felt his chest constrict for a moment.

 

Throughout the hospital, with every test and stich and examination, Fenris was Anders’ shadow. He sat and stood as close to him as possible without touching, seemingly trying to hide behind Anders from their harsh surroundings. When there had to be some space between them, like when his clothes was removed and bagged as evidence, he kept his eyes fixed on Anders, getting that heart-breaking panicked look whenever a nurse or doctor asked Anders to give them privacy.

“Would you rather I stayed, Fenris? You need only say so,” Anders asked gently.

Fear fled and was replaced by fiery determination as Fenris turned narrowed eyes at the nurse, “The Doctor stays,” he said with a tone of finality. The nurse nodded.

He repeated those three words in much the same tone a few times during the course of the morning, each time seemingly more confident.  

By 8:45 that morning, nearly four hours after Anders first laid eyes on the broken elf, said elf was sitting wrapped - or drowning rather - in Anders’ red hoodie, showered and in clean clothes the hospital supplied. Justine saw to it that all the necessary tests and swaps were done as quickly as possible so Fenris could take a shower before they started patching him up.

They were sitting in Justine’s office at the moment, across from the officer she recommended they work with. 

“Thank you, Fenris,” Officer Donnic finally said as he closed the file with all the notes and forms. “I know this must be hard, but rest assured I’ll personally handle it from here.”

“Thank you, Officer.” Anders stood and offered a hand to the young officer as he gathered his things to leave. “Please do keep us up to date on the developments, and if there’s anything I can do to assist the case – don’t hesitate.”

Officer Donnic smiled and nodded, but as he reached out to take the offered hand three loud knocks to the door interrupted them, followed by a tall, stout man bursting in without invitation. He had piercingly cold blue eyes, a full handlebar moustache and a terrible goatee, and strolled in like he owned the place. Anders heard a nurse protesting from the hall that ‘Sir, sir! This is a restricted area!’, but the man in question was clearly not fazed.

“Ah, gentlemen! Seems I made it just in time.”

Anders and Officer Donnic exchanged a look. From behind Anders, Fenris, still seated, squirmed a little, seemingly trying to pull into the hoodie like a turtle into his shell.

“Let me introduce myself, I’m Alrik, I’m the University of Kirkwall’s legal representation.”

At that Anders feels himself bristle. No… No they wouldn’t-

“My friend at the Kirkwall Police Department contacted me when he heard about the  _ alleged assault _ case by one of our own against another one of our students. So you see, clearly, this is an internal affair – one the University would prefer to handle internally. So, now that that’s out of the way – Officer, if you can hand over your file, I’ll personally make sure it is seen to at once!”

Officer Donnic turned his body so he was shielding the case file, as if Alrik were to snatch it out of his hands. “I’m sorry Mr Alrik, but the case is confidential and under the jurisdiction of the KPD. I’m afrai-”

“How  _ DARE _ you?!” The shock and disbelief settled and Anders finally found his voice. He was fuming, positively shaking with rage. Of course – of course, Danarius would have  _ daddy  _ clear up his mess! The more he watched Fenris, thought about his account of what happened and what he knew about Danarius – the more and more he felt himself get angrier, to the point of wanting to scream and drown that blighted estate in blood.  _ Over my dead body…Danarius will pay for what he had done! _

“E-excuse me?”

“You heard me!" Anders pulled himself up to his full height, towering over Alrik with barely controlled rage, "You know damn-fucking-well that what you’re doing right now is illegal and unethical practice! Not to even MENTION that Office Donnic here is the only officer who knows about the case, so how you came to be here is as much of a confession of guilt as any from  _ you know who _ ! I should have you reported to the board and have your license revoked! You know what – I’m going to do exactly that!”

Alrik’s face went pale.

“Now,” Anders continued. “Before I ask my friend here to lay  _ criminal _ charges against you for attempting to obstruct justice and interfering with police investigations – I suggest you run along.”

Alrik’s jaw bounced a few times, his eyes wide, then he quickly spun on his heels and high-tailed out of there. Anders made a mental note to follow up on his threat later that day.

“Officer Donnic, I feel I need to warn you that that might not have been the only attempt to sabotage the investigation. Danarius is not known for his ethical practice or honest dealings. He may very well try to tamper with the investigation again. Now I’m not telling you how to do your job, but-”

“I understand Doctor,”

“Just Anders.”

“Anders. I’ve heard of the university poaching assault cases like this, never thought I’d see it. Rest assured I will not let any interference stand.”

Anders thanked him again and they bid their farewells. He was still coming down from his anger when he realised that they were finally done and he was now alone with Fenris. Fenris who was looking up at him with big, uncertain green eyes that pulled at Anders’ heart-strings.

Anders dropped his hands where they’d been on his hips and gave a small smile to Fenris who was curled up in his red hoodie. “Do you- ah, do you have any place to go? Friends or family I can drop you off at?”

That seemed to be the wrong thing to say as suddenly Fenris’ eyes went wide again. When he spoke his tone was pleading, but his voice had more of the confidence he’d had when telling a nurse Anders was to stay and less of the frantic panic it had before: “You said you wouldn’t leave me! You promised!” This time, Fenris didn’t hesitate when he reached out and took Anders’ hand, holding on tight.

“Hey, it’s okay – it’s alright, I’m not going to just abandon you,” Anders gently urged as he knelt down, placing his other hand on the back of Fenris’. He had assumed that his assistance was limited to the hospital, that Fenris might want to get away and be with someone he knew and trusted, but he should’ve guessed. Fenris’ life was a mess right now. He could see his rapid breathing, pupils blown wide, that trusting, studying look he had when he looked at Anders fading into disbelief and fear. Trying again, more gentle this time, “do you have someone who can look after you?”

Fenris bit his bottom lip and gave a small shake of his head, and what he’d said about not being allowed to talk to other people came to mind.

_ Shit. Of course. The abusive, dominating types usually don’t allow outside friendships.  _

“That’s okay,” he tried to reassure. He thought about their predicament for a moment, it was probably very stupid and overstepping some rule, but what else could he do? “Would you like to come home with me then? I don’t have a spare bedroom, but I have a pull-out couch.”

Fenris nodded without hesitation.

_ Well then. That settles that. _ Fenris would stay with him until they figured out the next steps. He knew there was still much the elf hadn’t told him. Maker, he didn’t even know what his major was. There would be time now though, in a place that was safe. That was the most important thing to Anders right now – keeping Fenris safe and helping him recover.

_ I hope Fenris likes cats. _

  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Note On Sexual Assualt
> 
> If you or someone else has been sexually assaulted, the following is very important (as far as possible):   
> \- Do not Shower  
> \- Do not drink or eat anything  
> \- Do not change your clothes  
> Your body and clothes right now is a 'crime scene' and is the strongest evidence against the attacker. Eating, drinking, washing, or changing your clothes compromises the validity of the DNA and injuries on you and can mean the difference between justice and a perpetrator walking (despite eye-witness testimony). 
> 
> If you or someone has been sexually assaulted, go to a hospital or clinic as soon as possible, and (NB) tell them you have been/suspect you have been sexually assaulted. Hospitals have protocols in place with dealing with such cases. 
> 
> Sorry to end on such a sober note there! Be safe kids x
> 
> Ps: the ref to Universities poaching assault cases for 'internal consideration' does happen, and it royally pisses me off. 
> 
> Next up: Fenris figures out how to be a normal student, Anders gets used to his new roommate, and more of the Kirkwall gang!


	6. The First Friend

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, all the love and kittens to my wonderful beta SocialDeception!

“I hope you’re not expecting much,” Anders said apologetically as he fished his house keys out of his pocket. “It’s no estate manor, but it’s home.” He immediately cringed at his stupid reference to Danarius’ home and, not doubt, everything Fenris now associated with the place.

Fenris just gave him a slight nod in acknowledgement, seemingly still carrying the cold detachment of what had transpired in the past 12 hours. It seemed figuring out what was going on inside the elf’s mind was a lot more difficult since they’d left the hospital. 

Anders knew this detachment, had seen it many times in victims of trauma. He knew it was up to him to create a safe, comfortable environment for when reality came crashing down.

Anders tried to give him a welcoming smile as he opened the door, gesturing Fenris inside. 

Fenris took small, cautious steps into the apartment, his shoulders rounded and head slightly down, but his eyes were sharp and observant. He tucked his hands deeper into the hoodie pockets as he took in the room.

“This-ah...” Anders gave a little self-deprecating laugh as he rubbed the back of his neck. “This is pretty much it, really. This here is the living area, that pile of books and papers on the desk in the corner is my ‘study’. To the left is the kitchen area - you can help yourself to whatever you find in there. And to the right is my bedroom and the bathroom.”

The little apartment was not in the best part of the city, but it was a corner apartment with lots of natural light and decent rent. They also allowed pets, which was important to Anders. 

Anders watched as Fenris stepped up to seemingly investigate and scrutinise his surroundings. Intense green eyes surveyed the little living area with its big, comfy two seater and one arm chair, both with numerous pillows and throws. His gaze lingered for a moment on the little, worn coffee table, that was covered in coffee mug stains and a scatter of papers Anders had been marking. The attraction Anders figured would’ve gotten Fenris’ approval: the decent sized TV on the wall above a small cabinet with some DVDs an an Xbox, got little more than a passing glance.

Anders had no idea why he suddenly craved Fenris’ approval of his little hobbit-hole home, but under the elf’s intense, scrutinizing study he felt like literally nothing had ever been this important.  

Fenris slowly made his way past the tiny open plan kitchen and the little semi-cornered off study nook with a built in desk and shelves.  He paused at the big, fancy cat tree that stood in front of the large window between the desk and the TV, a sleepy Pounce opening one eye to peer at them. 

“Sorry about the mess,” Anders tried apologetically. “I don’t really have company, well, ever, except for Ser Pounce-a-Lot. That’s him, by the way. Come say hi, Pounce!”

The cat stood and stretched into something resembling an fluffy, orange ice cream cone, then plopped down to waddle over to them at his own leisurely pace. 

Anders watched Fenris with expectant eyes as he looked at the cat. He could hate the apartment all he wanted, but this was like bringing your girlfriend home for supper and praying your parents liked her. When the elf narrowed his eyes he felt a pang of disappointment, until he looked down and saw Pounce glaring right back at Fenris.

Pounce gave a low mrrrp, which Fenris answered with a cold: “Pounce.”

Anders’ eyes moved between the two who,  _ Maker’s ass _ , seemed to be sizing each other up. This couldn’t be good. He could just about hear the Western show-down scene music.

Finally Pounce gave an unimpressed huff and turned to walk away, but not without lifting his tail and giving Fenris a good look at his butthole. _ What the…. _

Fenris gave a similar disinterested huff, took one more look around, then walked towards Anders’ room. 

Anders slowly followed the elf who seemed to be committing his surroundings to memory. Fenris looked over to Anders’ queen sized bed with its mess of pillows and blankets, to  _ ‘the chair’ _ in the corner under a pile of not-quite-dirty-enough clothes. He peered into the bathroom, a standard shower, toilet, basin, and seemed to be studying it when suddenly a loud obnoxious squeak made him jump and spin around. Anders cringed as he lifted his foot off one of Pounce’s toy mice.

“Shit, sorry! Damn cat toys,” he chuckled awkwardly and kicked the offending toy under the bed. Somehow Fenris made him feel like an intruder in his own home. Fenris just seemed to have this certain, steady presence to him that filled a room. Anders’ vibe was more uncertain, over-eager, and goofy. 

Fenris scowled for a moment, but worked the expression back into neutrality before speaking, “Where do you keep your cleaning supplies?”

_ Oh-kay. Seems a fair question for someone who would be staying for awhile, I guess? He’s not asking because he thinks my place is disgusting...right? _

Anders showed him the cabinet under the sink and Fenris gave his silent little nod of acknowledgement again. 

_ Maker, this guy is weird. Or maybe I’ve just been alone for too long.  _

“I’ll ah- I’ll just leave you to get comfortable then. Make yourself at home, please! I have to jump in the shower and call Karl to cover my classes. I’ll be right out, then we can see about making something to eat! Don’t know about you, but I could eat a druffalo!”

He grinned at the stoic elf, wanting to add ‘and please don’t murder my cat while I’m gone’, but hadn’t quite figured out whether Fenris had a sense of humour yet. 

“Allll righty then!” 

_ Ace Ventura? Really Anders? _ Anders cringed and all but fled to his bedroom. 

 

_______________________

 

“Fenris? What are you doing?”

Anders’ words made Fenris look up. He had not noticed the Doctor opening the door. He quickly straightened up, dropping the brush he’d been using to scrub the tile area of the small kitchen into the bucket and stood. 

Anders look stunned as he looked around the room.

“Y-you cleaned up? And is that eggs and bacon I smell?”

“I did, and it is.” Fenris couldn’t quite understand why the Doctor seemed confused, then again, the terms of his stay had not yet been finalised. He had just assumed he’d get a head start. 

And head start he got. He had cleaned up the living room, arranged the pillows neatly and folded the throws over the arm rests. He wiped down the coffee table and organized the scattered papers. He collected all the cat toys that seemed to cost more than the furniture and placed them into a basket at the bottom of the cat tree. He then moved on to the kitchen, starting with breakfast while he washed the dishes in the sink and scrubbed the counters and floor. 

“... Why?”

Anders seemed genuinely confused, and Fenris didn’t quite know what to do with that. 

“It-, I-” He squared his shoulders and tried again. Maybe the doctor took offence that Fenris thought his apartment was a mess. “I meant no disrespect. If you wish, I can put everything back.”

_ Which would essentially entail picking everything up and just tossing it around.  _

“No! No-no. I mean, geesh the place hasn’t looked this decent since Ka… I mean, it hasn’t looked this decent in a while.” Anders’ wide impressed eyes and genuine smile made Fenris preen with pride. Golden amber eyes then turned to him and softened. “But you know you don’t have to do any of this, right?”

“I don’t understand.” Fenris said slowly.

Anders kept his kind but intense eyes on him as he stepped closer. “Fenris, why do you think I brought you here?”

Fenris knew the answer Anders wanted was ‘to help me’. However, Danarius also offered to ‘help’ him, and he knew what was expected of him. It was only fair that he’d work to pay back the ‘help’ he was given. Danarius made his demands clear once they arrived in Kirkwall, while Anders had remained oddly elusive with his. Fenris had assumed it wouldn’t be that different from what he’d been doing for Danarius - minus some more distasteful elements. Had be been wrong in this assumption?

“Are you not pleased with something I did?” he asked instead, wanting to rectify it as soon as possible, before he could be punished or humiliated. “I apologize if I have stepped out of line. Would you be so kind as to explain what I did wrong?”

Anders stared at him, mouth agape, one eyebrow raised high, the other eye narrowed. 

“Fenris… Andraste’s knicker weasels, Fenris you’re not here to be my blighted butler!” Anders blurted out, visibly uncomfortable. “Maker’s ass crack… is that why you think I brought you here?”

Fenris felt taken aback by Anders’ reaction. “I... apologize. I had assumed…”

“You had assumed...that I would be like him?” Anders asked, tone more gentle. 

Fenris nodded, feeling ashamed, although not sure why. 

Anders sighed heavily and ran his hand through his hair. “Fenris, come sit with me. I think we need to talk.”

_ This is it. I failed. I disappointed Anders like I undoubtedly disappointed Danarius. I’m going to be sent away, surely no one would want to house me now _ .

He removed the pan from the stove, straightened the hoodie and jeans he still wore as neatly as he could and followed Anders, sitting down next to him on the two-seater at Anders’ gesture. 

“Fen, can I call you Fen?”

Anders smiled when Fenris nodded. 

“Fen, I’m not Danarius. I don’t want to be Danarius -  _ ever _ . You are a free man here in the South, not a slave, no matter what Danarius might’ve told you.”

Fenris furrowed his brows, but kept silent.

“I didn’t bring you here to clean and cook for me. I brought you here because you needed a place to go, and I had space.”

“So, what is it you want from me?” That was the big question then.

“I want you to recover and rest. I want you away from that despicable man. I want to see you stand on your own two feet. I want you to have a normal, student life and go on to be a happy, successful young man.”

Fenris just stared at him at a loss for words. Did the Doctor truly mean that? No, no one could be that selfless, surely.

“And I know,  _ I know _ , living with a lame lecturer sucks and certainly can’t help anyone’s street cred, but this is just untill we get you a scholarship that can cover your studies and living expenses. Then we’ll find you a place of your own! Till then, think of me as your roommate - your friend.”

Fenris looked at the man. He was not much older than Fenris himself, he’d guess mid 20s, but he carried a playful youthfulness with him that contrasted with the gentle, professional side Fenris had seen at Hawke’s apartment and in the classroom, and the fierce protective side he saw with Sir Alrik. His large, honey-brown eyes held no deception or ulterior motives, and his goofy, easy smile and bad posture didn’t hold the self-centered pride other academics and lecturers held. His damp, golden locks hung onto his shoulders, and he was dressed in a comfortable pair of bright yellow sweatpants and a long sleeved blue shirt with an animated griffon on it with the words ‘Go Wardens!’ and ‘Grey University’.

Danarius would never be seen like this, not even in his own home. His sleeping clothes were the finest Antivan silk, his walk-in closet full of stylish and expensive button down shirts and slacks with a large variety of imported leather shoes. Despite having such a massive selection, Fenris knew the man owned nothing in bright colours, with comical animals, printed words, or of the ‘sweatpants’ variety. 

“I apologize Do-, Anders,” he corrected himself. “I’ve never had a  _ friend  _ before, I am not certain how to...” He wasn’t even sure how to end the sentence.

Anders beamed a smile at him and Fenris felt himself calm under it. “That’s alright! I’ve never had a roommate before, besides Pounce, - so this is a first for us both! We’ll learn as we go.” 

Fenris liked the way Anders made him feel; like he was no different than Anders himself. He liked the way Anders smiled at him; like he just wanted to show kindness and not because he wanted something or was trying to manipulate him. It was… refreshing.

“I mean, I’ve lived in dorms before, but we were like 8 to a room! All stinky, farting men. Not that I have a problem with men! Or, you know, normal bodily functions like flatulence. Trust me, nothing a body does can surprise me anymore! Where was I going with this… Oh right, roommates. Actually, no, I’ve had a roommate before. But it only lasted two days. He packed up and left. Said I talked to much. Also, he didn’t like Pounce. Pounce picked up on that and terrorized the man. Pounce is quite protective of me. Speaking off, please don’t murder my cat?”

Fenris felt the corners of his lip twitch at the man’s ridiculous rambling. “I shall endeavour to refrain from murdering your cat. I am not yet familiar with the appropriate protocol of such things, but I would assume killing one’s roommate’s pet would be frowned upon.”

Anders stared. Then his eyebrows shot up. “Yo-you DO have a sense of humour! Hah! Thank the Maker!”

Fenris raised an eyebrow.

“I-ah.” That self-deprecating chuckle again, “I tend to put my foot in my mouth a lot. I have a strange sense of humour and make jokes all the time, especially inappropriate ones at the worst times. I find the stoic, serious types often don’t like me much. They tend to think I’m ridiculous.”

Fenris couldn’t help himself. “I wonder why that is,” he deadpanned, his eyes trailing to a framed picture of Anders and Pounce wearing matching cowboy outfits, Anders with the proudest, goofiest smile, holding Pounce in the one hand and a small trophy in the other. Said trophy was displayed next to the photo. 

Anders groaned and dropped his head onto the coffee table. Pounce appeared and curled himself around his owners legs. “He knows, Pounce,” Anders said to the cat, “he knows we’re weird. No use pretending anymore.” The cat meowed in response. “I know! We looked awesome! But you think I’m cool, don’t you Pounce?” 

The cat gave him a look, turned, and walked off to his cat tree. 

“You could at least pretend! Remember who feeds you! Asshole.”

Fenris snorted. 

 

____________________

 

“Did you really mean this?”

Anders looked up from his computer screen. He was reading the essay that ‘won’ Fenris the scholarship to study at Kirkwall University, hosted by Danarius’ uncle, the Archon, back in Tevinter. Danarius had been flown in to choose the winning essay from the selected top 5. 

However, instead of reading the essays, Danarius had met with the candidates and involved parties over lunch. Danarius was cold as he was introduced to each of the candidates, until his eyes fell on Fenris. 

Not five minutes later, Danarius whispered into his ear that Fenris would be the winner, and that he couldn’t wait to take Fenris back to Kirkwall with him. Two days later, they were on a plane. 

Fenris gave his head a quick shake to rid himself of the memory; the moment he gave up one oppression for another. “Why would I not?”

“Are you kidding me? It’s eleven pages about why magic should rule over man, and why mages are a superior race!”

“Does it not appeal to you?”

“Maker, no!”

“Why not? Are you not a mage yourself?”

“I am. I am also in absolutely no position to rule over anyone ever, nor am I in any shape or form superior to you! Maker’s tits, this reads like Tevinter propaganda… Is that- is that why you wrote it? Because you knew that’s what they’d want to hear?”

“You are perceptive. I might have.”

“Smart cookie. No wonder your academic record is near perfect. But did you mean what you wrote?”

“I…” Fenris didn’t know, honestly. Despite penning the essay championing magic, he had never truly liked it. Even when his sister’s magic presented he had been uncomfortable. Danarius and his friends used their magic openly and often used it to show off, intimidate, or harm. Anders, however, used his discreetly to pull a book from a shelf or make a small spark to light the stove for tea. When Fenris declined his offer to heal his cuts instead of stitches, Anders smiled and didn't’ push the matter. He also seemed offended by the essay. Odd. “...am not certain.” he responded honestly.

Anders huffed, “well I think it’s bull. I mean, it’s well written! And it got you here and out of Tevinter, so that’s good.  _ Anyway! _ I think it best we not add this to your application!”

They had been sitting around the coffee table for hours now, filling in various scholarship applications. Anders had seemed very impressed by his academic records, and was convinced he’d be able to get a merit bursary. 

During the course of the morning an officer had brought Fenris’ belongings from Danarius’ estate while he was being questioned. It was just a simple backpack with some textbooks, notes, and a photo of his mother and sister. Fenris had insisted the laptop and his clothes belonged to Danarius. 

Anders had immediately promised to take him shopping for clothes the following day, which was thankfully a Saturday. 

A very worried-sounding Hawke had called to check in. Anders heard Isabela yelling something in the background, followed by an apologetic Hawke asking if they needed anything, or if there was anything they could do to help. On the third reassurance that there was nothing, and the second promise that they’d call if there was, Hawke invited both of them to cards-night on Wednesday. Both if them. Anders double-checked. It felt like highschool all over again, and he had been invited to a ‘cool kids party’. Needless to say he accepted. On both their behalf. Much to Fenris’ dismay.

By late afternoon all Fenris’ passwords were changed, and his student account details were updated to name Anders as guardian instead of Danarius. Anders cleared a section of his desk for Fenris, and gave him a folder on his laptop’s desktop. 

They spent the rest of the time lounging on the couch and getting to know one another - an activity Fenris was quite uncomfortable with at first. He wasn’t used to talking about himself, especially since Anders seemed so sure of himself; his likes, dislikes, dreams, and fears. Fenris was struck with the bitter realisation that he didn’t have those things. Anders must’ve picked up on his hesitance, as he did most of the talking.

Fenris hadn’t realised he’d let go of his submissive, tensed posture and reclined into the soft pillows at his end of the couch till Anders grinned at him and pulled a blanket from the armrest to throw over them. 

Outside it had started to drizzle, but inside the messy little flat it was warm, safe, and comfortable. 

Fenris looked up from his hot chocolate that was warming his hands to the strange man at the other end of the couch. Anders was staring out the window, a wistful smile on his face. 

They sat in comfortable silence, nestled cozily between pillows and blankets on the couch as they watched the rain. 

There was no tasks, no chores, no retreating to the servant’s quarters, no having to sit upright and remain presentable. If this was what friendship was, Fenris wanted it. 

_ My friend. Doctor Anders. This ridiculous, strange man is my friend.  _

Fenris smiled, genuinely smiled for the first time since he met Danarius. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next up: Is that birthday cake I smell? Oh why yes Isabela, yes it is ;) 
> 
> PS: Thank you so, so much to the wonderful human beings who have left kudos and comments! I'm overwhelmed and incredibly humbled by it, and I can't tell you how giddy and blushy I get when I get an email about a comment or a kudos! xx
> 
> On a side note, if you, for whatever reason, are upset about the story or would like to speak to me about the themes and the direction the story is taking, you can find me on Tumblr (Dovabunny) or via email at: dova.buns@gmail.com. Critique and dialogue is super welcome, always will be, but rudeness and hating on something that you don't like is not okay.


	7. The First Joy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All love and cupcakes to my sweetest Beta, SocialDeception! <3 
> 
> The next few chapters will be a series of firsts for Fenris. Also, Justine is my version of Justice, not Justine from Origins.

_1 Month after The Call_

* * *

 

“Where in the void did I put it? Ugh! I swear, every time that elf cleans he hides it on purpose.” Anders was mumbling to himself as he crawled around his now very neat bedroom looking for his favourite red hoodie. Anders always threw it over the chair in the corner, but Fenris was having none of that ‘uncivilised messy business’.

 _Maker-dammit, I’m going to be late._ Anders checked the time on his phone. No angry messages from Justine for being late to their lunch date...yet.

Anders grabbed his sling bag - _it’s not a handbag, the catalogue said ‘unisex’! -_ and rushed into the living room. “Hey Fen! Have you seen my…”

 

___________________

 

“I’m telling you Justine, it was the cutest thing!” Anders said with half a club sandwich in his cheek. “With Pounce glaring at Fenris all day everyday like he’s planning his timely demise, and Fen scowling at every cat hair and toy in the house, I would never believe if I hadn’t heard it with my own two ears.”

“Mmhm.” Justine’s blue eyes lazily watch him over her double Americano as she listened to yet another Fenris story.

“But there he was, whipping the feather string around the room, giggling softly as he watched Pounce give chase! This quiet little chuckle that turned into the most obvious cover-up cough when he saw me.”

Anders took another huge bite and swallowed it down with some of his strawberry milkshake. Justine just raised one eyebrow. Most people found her incredibly intimidating; her blue eyes a contrast to her dark skin, her intense persona and presence with her impeccable style. For Anders, however, she was Justine, his over-protective and only friend since they were Wardens.

He still loved that that’s what Grey University students called themselves, all because of their legendary mascots, Warden Nate, with his grumpy face who used to run around with his bow and arrow and trip over things and fall down stairs, and Warden Zevran, who used to flirt with everyone and everything and do sultry dances at sports events, much to the crowd’s delight.   

“That chuckle man, Justine… It was like the heavens opened up and Andraste sang ‘ _what a wonderful world’_! Oh, and of course Fenris was wearing my red hoodie. Lil’ thief.”

“Hm, I’ll have to take your word on that.”

“And now tonight we’re going to celebrate his 20th in our apartment! Very low-key, Fenris doesn’t like too much attention, so just pizza and games with only a couple of his classma-”

“ _Our?_ ”

‘Hm?”

“You said ‘our’ apartment?”

“Oh. Slip of the tongue.”

“Anders…”

Anders sighed heavily. “Yes, mother?”

“Don’t give me that, white boy!” she smacked him with the menu. “What happened to finding him a place of his own?”

“It’s proving more difficult than I thought… He managed to get a merit bursary, but it only covers his fees and essentials. There’s barely enough for his textbooks.”

“There are residences and places he could go, you know.”

“Justine,” Anders clenched his jaw for a moment. “I’m not going to drop him off at a shelter like some unwanted…” _...scared little boy whose father is a magic-hating bigot._

“Anders, you know that’s not what I meant…”

“I know…” Anders dropped the rest of his sandwich, appetite lost. “It’s just-” He steeled himself. “What Fenris needs is stability, acceptance, safety; he needs _normal_. He needs ramen 5 nights a week, cereal out of the box, and pj’s all day Sunday. He needs a birthday get-together with close friends, pizza, and video games. He needs a safe place where he can rest, study, and feel at home. The guy is brilliant! You should read his political science and philosophy essays.”

“Are you sure that’s what he wants? That it’s not just you wanting to give him what you couldn’t have?”

Wow. Justine. Always saying it like it is.

“...maybe it’s a bit of both.” Anders admitted and Justine gave him a sad, knowing smile. “Look, there’s no problem! He’s happy. He prefers this arrangement, he told me himself.”

This was true. Anders had come home one day with pamphlets and application forms for residences and low-cost apartments, offering to help Fenris pay. Fenris’ shoulders and ears had drooped as he asked what he had done wrong for Anders to want him to leave. After much reassurance and some couch time talking, Fenris asked if it would be okay for him to stay. Anders agreed, secretly overjoyed to have a roommate.

“And that Dan-ass-ious fellow? He’s just moved on?”

“Oh no. He’s tried a few times to corner Fenris. Douchebag. We’ve come up with a system though to make sure Fenris is never alone on campus. He leaves with me and works in my office while I teach. Hawke picks him up there then they have two classes together, after which they go to the library. Aveline works campus security at the library and keeps an eye on him till Isabela and Varric come get him for their three afternoon classes, and then they drop him off at Student Wellness with me till we go home.”

“And he’s...okay with being babysat like this?”

“He’s content. He understands why it's necessary till the court date.”

“And has he stopped cleaning the apartment and packing your lunches?”

Another sigh. “No. Although he now argues that it’s because he _wants_ to, not because he _needs_ to. Says it’s his way of contributing because he can’t pay for utilities or groceries. So I guess, if it makes him feel he’s doing something good - who am I to say no?”

“I suppose.” Justine took one long, hard look at her friend. “Anders, you know I’m just doing this because I care about you, right? I don’t want to see you hurt again. What happened with Ka-”

“ _Don’t_.”

“Anders…”

“I don’t want to talk about it Justine.”

“You _never_ want to talk about what happened.”

Anders scowled at the table like it was personally responsible for all the wrongs in this world.

Justine sighed. “Alright, I’ll let it go. So, you mentioned you got Pounce a Halloween outfit already?”

Anders immediately lit up and jumped into his intricate plans for his matching outfit with Pounce. Pounce would be Yoda and Anders Luke Skywalker.

Maybe living with an _actual person_ a while longer wasn’t such a bad idea after all.

 

____________________________

  


“Dammit! Stupid fucking nug-humping turtle-ass trash-bucket…” Isabela swore and snarled at the screen. Fenris knew he looked smug and way too pleased with himself to care as he basked in Princess Peach’s victory lap. “Urgh! Alright Andy, you’re up sweet thing!!”

“Oh yay! Gimme!” Anders stuffed the rest of his pizza slice into his mouth and wiped his hands on his jeans as he took the controller. Fenris knew he should’ve found the man way more disgusting than he did. “I want to be a princess too! What’s the other one again? Mario’s side ho?”

Hawke leant over Anders who was seated between his legs on the floor and nudged his hands over the controller as he explained the character choices. Fenris felt his smug grin fade.

“It’s a character Anders, not an outfit for Pounce, just pick one.” He said with a huff as he selected Peach again.

Hawke and Merrill had taken up the two-seater, Isabela draped over both of them. Varric had pulled Anders’ desk chair closer, and ‘the birthday boy’ got the armchair. Anders was seated on the floor with his back to the couch on a pile of pillows. Fenris had seen the encouraging looks Merrill and Isabela gave Hawke earlier before he moved his legs on either side of Anders. He had also seen the way the big guy blushed down to his chest every time he leant over to help Anders with a move and their hands touched or Anders’ long, silky blond hair moved over his exposed knee.

 _Who still wears cargo shorts. Honestly. Damn Southerners._  

But still, he might not show it but he was deeply moved and honoured that they had all come out and insisted on celebrating his 20th birthday. Anders had been near frantic in preparing, going over every detail with him to make sure its exactly what he wants. He also knew unfortunate choice in pants wasn’t why he was now glaring at Hawke.

He didn’t like it, it bothered him. He knew it was irrational, but it did. People could have more than one friend; hell, everyone in this room were now apparently his friends, but something ugly inside him reared its head when he saw the wistful looks and careful touches Hawke gave the totally oblivious Anders.

Anders was his first friend; his best friend. That Anders was a loner was painfully obvious and equally tragic as he had an abundance of compassion and loyalty. Anders was his friend before he was theirs, and he’d be damned if Hawke thought he could take Fenris’ spot as Anders’ closest friend.

Anders finally selected Princess Daisy and Hawke sat back again, but left his hand casually on Anders’ shoulder. As ‘casual’ as the gesture might have been, Fenris could just about see the sweat stains forming under his arms through Hawke’s t-shirt with the words ‘my other ride is a dragon’ on it.

Peach lapped Daisy. Twice.

“Finally! Now we can play spin the bottle.” Isabella said as she plucked the now empty wine bottle from Fenris’ hands where he’d poured the last into his glass. The Southern heathens were all drinking beer out of cans, with the exception of Anders who stuck to Iced Tea. Thankfully, Varric had gifted him a fine bottle of Tevinter wine.

He spared a moment’s thought as to why the dwarf always seemed to have no issue with money but lived in a battered apartment he shared with Bela and Hawke above a bar. Strange.

“Is this absolutely necessary?” Fenris asked with a sigh.

“Not a party unless we play spin the bottle, hun.”

“It’s not?” Anders asked seriously. He suddenly looked embarrassed and a little stunned. “I- I’m sorry. I didn’t… I don’t really have any experience with this.”

“With what, parties or spin the bottle?” Bela asked.

“Er, both?”

“Shit, Blondie, what hell hole did you grow up in that you’ve never been to a party before?” Varric asked, eyes curious as ever.

“Now that you mention it,” Hawke added, “I don’t even know where you’re from. What town or city were you raised in?” His voice was kind, but oblivious to Anders’ growing discomfort that Fenris could see clear as day.

“I- ah.. Was raised in an institution, actually. Not a town or a city.”

“Is that like a settlement or a clan? Oh me too! Which one?” Merril piped up, big eyes gleaming.

Anders swallowed then said softly: “The Gallows.”

The silence was heavy in the room.

Anders’ eyes were downcast like he was waiting for some reprimand or harsh words. He’d always avoided talk of his childhood, which Fenris had respected. Of course Hawke had to go upset his friend. He wasn’t sure what the ‘Gallows’ were though, but judging by the shocked faces in the room, it wasn’t good.

“Shit,” Varric breathed.

“Oh,” Merril said sympathetically.

“No,” Aveline said in mixed disbelief and suspicion as she narrowed her eyes, seemingly re-evaluating Anders.

Hawke just stared. Fenris wasn’t sure if he was very scared of very aroused. It was a weird look.

“Cool!” Isabela cried out, breaking the tension in the room. She dropped down on the floor next to him and slung an arm around Anders’ shoulder. “And here I thought I was the only trouble-maker in the group! You naughty, naughty boy. You _have_ to tell me what it was like in there! But later. Right now, I’m buzzed, high on cheese pizza, and ready to kiss one of you gorgeous sods!”

With that, Isabela had moved the conversation along. Anders gave her a grateful smile and she gave him a wink. Everyone fell back into the previous light-hearted energy and sat in a circle around the bottle.

Isabela started off, naturally, the bottle landing on Merril who giggled as Isabela lunged at her and planted a kiss full on her lips. Merril got Varric who received a polite peck, but giggled again as Varric got Hawke who dramatically fanned himself like a swooning maiden after their kiss.

Fenris realised he was smiling, watching the crazy bunch as they bantered and teased. He thought back at where he was just two months ago, playing butler and lover to entitled, cruel. Danarius was cold, distant, demanding. This was comfortable, warm, and inviting, and he took a moment to realise how lucky he was to have this. He was part of this.

His eyes turned to Anders across from him. Anders who was laughing at something Varric said. Strange that he’d never noticed it before, but Anders was quite a handsome man, especially when he smiled.

“Say Blondie, been meaning to ask, you’re not at risk to get fired are you? For hanging out with your students.”

“Nah,” Anders replied, seeming somehow the most juvenile and excited of them all as he’d been all evening. “None of you are technically my students. I mean, you _were_ , for four weeks, but that’s long passed and none of you study medicinal magic, or even in the medical faculty for that matter.”

“If we did,” Merril chimed it, “would you have to stop being friends with us?” Her eyes seemed saddened by the idea.

“Never! You’ve accepted me, I’ve dropped anchor, and now you’ll just have to deal with having me around.” Anders gave her a playful wink at that, and she giggled through a wide smile.

“Interesting that,” Isabela added, “here I thought we’re all sitting here to do some lip-wrestling, but apparently we’re playing 50-questions with our resident Prof Sparkle Fingers. Hawkey-boy, you’re up first, but as this was my brilliant idea, I’m taking the liberty of spinning for you.”

Hawke held up his hand with an apologetic smile. “Before you spin, I’d like to apologize beforehand. There were garlic rolls left over from the lunch shift that mum didn’t want to go to waste.”

“Oh, just spin already Hawke!” Varric laughed. “You know you can always apologize with free pizza.”  

Fenris was still watching Anders’s face as it lit up and smiled at his friends’ antics, when suddenly the man’s eyes went wide and Isabela whooped. Hawke’s bottle was pointing towards Anders - probably in more ways than one, Fenris would venture.

Hawke blushed furiously and Anders gave an awkward little chuckle and averted his eyes.

Fenris felt something heavy in his stomach. It’s not that _he_ wanted to kiss Anders, that would be ridiculous, besides, he didn’t want to kiss anyone. The whole premise of the game was idiotic to him. Fenris just didn’t want Hawke to kiss Anders, _Hawke_ with his big, brown puppy eyes he makes at Anders when he’s not looking, with his fleeting touches and shy smiles.

“Go on Doc, give the man his medicine!” Isabela purred into Anders’ ear.

“Ah, um, Anders, I-ah, may I? Kiss you. Cause, you know, the bottle, and I-”

Just as Varric slapped his palm to his face, Anders spoke: “Oh for the love of…” He rolled his eyes, corners of his mouth quirking up, and quickly leaned over the bottle to pull Hawke’s blushing face to his and plant a kiss on his lips.

“Thanks for putting him out of his misery Blondie!” Varric chuckled as Hawke’s eyes first went wide, then closed as he pressed into the kiss just a bit.

The kiss lasted way too long for Fenris’ liking. He had to resist the impulse to grab the big guy and haul him back on his ass by the back of his collar. Just when he was about to do exactly that, Aveline loudly cleared her throat and Anders sat back with a grin. Hawke seemed a little out of breath as he smiled and rubbed the back of his neck while he quickly grabbed one of the pillows off the couch and not-as-subtly-as-he-thinks moved it over his crotch.

As Anders went on to spin, Fenris saw Hawke mouth ‘thank you’ to Isabela who waggled her eyebrows at him.

Scheming little shits.

 

________________

 

The night had been a blast, at least for Anders. He had been so nervous, questioning himself on details ranging from small (throw pillows to the left or right) to big (how many pizzas? Hawke looks like he could eat 20!). Fenris spent most of the evening with either a smug smirk or a furrowed brow, but Anders has come to know this as Fenris’ natural state when he was around other people. Other people besides Anders, that is.

Anders was privy to a range of Fenris’ emotions, moods, and thoughts he tended to keep to himself when other people was present, although he did seem to take to the odd group of over-friendly students who decided to adopt to two of them into their circle.

Pounce, much like Fenris, had kept to himself for much of the evening, preferring to watch from his seat on his cat tree, narrowing his eyes every now and then.

They were all standing towards the door putting their shoes back on and saying their goodnights. Merril was tipsy and leaning heavily on Isabela who just pillowed her head against her breasts.

“This has been fun! Kinda wish we didn’t have to wait another year for Broody to have another birthday.” Varric said as he checked the notification that their Uber was waiting downstairs.

“Aveline’s birthday is up next! We need to have one for her too!” Merril said with way too much enthusiasm. “Can we play spin the bottle again?”

“Of course sweet thing.” Isabela said, patting her head.

They were gathering by the door when Hawke stepped up to Anders. “I had a really great time Anders, and I really like your place.” He seemed suddenly shy and nervous.

“Oh, thank you! It’s a bit of a mess, but Fenris helps with that! He’s got that cleaning-OCD thing going on.”

“Oh, yeah, he’s great.” Hawke said with an awkward laugh then swallowed heavily, fumbling with his sneakers in his hands. Anders suddenly became aware of how quiet everyone was, as if they were watching them. “Say, Anders, I was wonder, well, hoping, that maybe, if you want, sometime, we could…”

In his fumbling and fidgeting with his shoes, Hawke accidentally dropped one, reached for it but just managed to swat it away towards the group. As it hit the floor something rolled out.

Two little brown poops.

“Andraste’s tits, the cat pooped in your shoes!” Bela cried out as everyone stood wide eyed staring down the offending little shits.

This time, it was Fenris who broke the silence.

It started with chuckle he struggled to keep down, but with a loud snort, he burst out laughing. The rest soon joined in, much to Anders’ dismay who was apologizing to Hawke while scolding Pounce who was lounging on his cat tree with a strangely familiar smug smirk.

For a moment, Anders could’ve sworn Fenris and Pounce exchanged a look.

 

_________________

“Fenris,” Anders began cautiously as he finished drying off the last of the dishes while Fenris pulled out the couch to make his bed, “About earlier tonight, me growing up in the Gallows… I feel like I owe you some explanation.”

“After all you’ve done for me, letting me stay here, you don’t  owe me anything, Anders.” Fenris waved it off. “Whatever the place was, however you came to be there - it cannot change the way I view and appreciate our friendship. I am willing to listen, if you are ready to speak of it, which it seems you may not be.”

Anders bit his bottom lip, then slowly made his way over to Fenris and just wrapped his arms around him. Fenris froze at the sudden contact, his arms hovering awkwardly behind Anders' back.

“ _Thank you_.”

“For what?”

“For being my friend.”

Slowly Fenris wrapped his arms around Anders in turn, and let himself be held. 

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologise for the delay in this Chapter, our apartment was quite violently broken into and it took me a while to get back into the writing mindset. Thanks for the patience x
> 
> Also, I'm considering doing a fic rec at the end of every chapter. No one is asking me, it's just fangirling me wanting to share my fav fics. Thoughts?
> 
> Up Next: Someone finally snaps.


	8. The First Anger

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So my idea to do fic recs at the end of the chapter got quite the positive response :D So at the end of every chapter from now on I will recommend one or two fics. Also, thanks to the wonderful [ SocialDeception ](http://archiveofourown.org/users/SocialDeception/pseuds/SocialDeception) for being my Beta <3
> 
> Without further ado, to the chapter!

_2 Months after The Call_

 

* * *

 

“-And then,” Hawke gave a giddy little laugh, “Anders got such a fright he cried out in a high-pitched voice: Andraste’s knicker-weasels!”

At that, the big guy who seemed more a child in a lumberjack’s body laughed so hard that he grabbed his stomach.  “Isn’t that just hilarious? Oh Maker, that Anders sure is funny.”

Fenris just grunted in agreement.

Hawke was given a full Political Science scholarship after Varric hooked him up with Deep Roads Enterprises. Sure, Varric had to use his brother’s name and have Hawke pretend to be a dwarf on paper, and there was some dodgy shit with Hawke going into a very shady part of Darktown to collect a very scandalous red dress at a tailor that was under DR Enterprises’ CEO’s name and had suspiciously male-like measurements.

It wasn’t as though Fenris wasn’t happy for Hawe, be knew how difficult it could be for an immigrant to make it, let alone a refugee. Hawke and his mother had worked really hard to get Amell’s Pizza to where it was today so the twins could live comfortably. It wasn’t that Fenris wasn’t happy that he shared so many classes with Hawke either, his double major being both Philosophy and Political Science; he was happy for the company.

No, what Fenris wasn’t happy about was hearing how great Anders was every 5 minutes.  

Anders was his roommate and best friend. He knew exactly how great he was. What he didn’t need was a big mabari slobbering all over him.

“Speaking of,” Hawke’s voice suddenly turned shy. “Has he, er, said anything about me? Like, has he mentioned me at all?”

_Yes. He asked why you’ve been so weird lately._

Fenris sighed. “No, Hawke, no more than he speaks of any of our friends.”

“Oh.” Hawke seemed to deflate at that. “It’s just, I’ve been meaning to ask him on a da-”

“Hello, Fenris.”

Their conversation was abruptly cut off by none other than Danarius emerging from the shadows.

“Predictable as always, my little wolf.” Danarius’ voice dripped with vile delight.

Fenris whipped his head around. They were walking along between a stream and the side of a big building; no quick getaway. Danarius had Fenris’ class timetable memorised, he must’ve known they’d be passing by here now and waited for them.

The last time Fenris had looked upon Danarius’ face was the night he ran. Still, seeing Danarius standing there, holding himself so tall and proud as always, that regal air about him which demanded respect and attention, Fenris had to actively fight the instinctive urge bow his head and cower; to ask for forgiveness from his master.

“Come Fenris, end this nonsense right now. I’ve let you have your freedom, have your _fun_ with your _college friends_. It is time to return to where you belong.” Danarius’ dull blue eyes bore into him, the command both verbal and nonverbal.

Before Fenris could respond, however, Hawke moved at a speed that a man of his size should not be able to possess.

He grabbed Danarius by the collar of his designer shirt, lifted him clear off the ground and rammed his back into the wall. As he was forcefully pinned Danarius’ mouth fell open in shock, a display Fenris had never seen. He secretly relished in it.

“How _dare_ you!” Hawke gritted out between his teeth. “Fenris does not _belong_ to you. He belongs to no one but himself!”

Fenris had never seen this side of the shy, goofy Hawke. He was powerful, intimidating, and honestly, a more than a little scary as his eyes burned with barely controlled rage.

“You are to stay away from him,” Hawke continued. “You are not to approach him, address him, or even _look_ at him! If you do, I swear to Andraste, I will find you, and I will rip your dick clean off and feed it to you. The next time we see your ugly face will be in court, you got that?”

Danarius snapped his mouth shut with an angry clack of teeth as his eyes narrowed. His lips pulled in a snarl and he shoved Hawke off. “Get your hands off me you brute!”

Danarius gave Hawke a venomous glance as he dusted himself off, as if Hawke’s hands carried the taint. As he turned to leave, he shot Fenris a dangerous look and said: “You can’t hide behind your friends forever, my pet. You will be reminded of your place soon enough.”

“Why you piece of-”

Just as Hawke made to grab at him again, Danarius flicked his wrist and disappeared in a puff of smoke, only to reappear on the other side of the stream. Danarius chuckled darkly before walking off.

_Even in the face of defeat, Danarius was already gleefully planning his inevitable success._

Hawke was rambling, cursing, but it passed over Fenris. He was stunned, frozen in place.

“Hey, are you okay buddy?”

It was only when Fenris looked into Hawke’s big, concerned eyes that he realised what he was doing. His shoulders were rounded, hands clasped submissively before him, and head slightly bowed.

Two months of care, support, patience, kindness, and working hard at putting himself together and learning to be a normal student… Two months of frustration, grief, and bottled-up anger, all washed away by the stream the moment Danarius turned his disapproving eyes to him and his instincts kicked in.

He felt dirty. He felt horrified. He felt… furious.

_________________________

 

“Fenris, I really think you’re being too hard on yourself.”

The moment Fenris had walked into the Student Wellness clinic after his last class of the day Anders had noticed something was very off. The usually stoic and calm elf was stormy, fidgety, and jittery.

He asked Lirene to call the second doctor on call, and took Fenris home.

The bus ride was uncomfortably quiet. Usually Fenris would ask about his day, or talk about something silly Hawke did, or which professor Isabela was planning on flirting with. Instead, he sat hunched, his snowy white hair hiding his face.

Once they were in the apartment it all exploded. Fenris told him what had happened, and had since been cursing himself and his weakness. He was fuming as he paced and stormed around the apartment while Anders sat with his legs up on the couch trying to calm him. He had never seen Fenris angry, and it was intense.

“Too hard on myself? I’m not hard enough on myself! I have grown soft, comfortable here shielded by you, our friends, and hot chocolate. I have realised how weak I am today. That cannot stand.”

Anders didn’t like where this was going, but he kept quiet and let the elf work it out; get the rage out of his system.

“You-,” Fenris continued, “You don’t deserve to be dragged into this. Danarius is a powerful man. The right words in his father’s ear can cost you your job, can get our friends expelled. I… I need to face this on my own. I am alone in this, as I should be. I think I should just leave.”

Fenris turned quickly towards the small chest of drawers in the corner of the living room where Fenris neatly kept his clothes and few possessions, only to be stopped by a gentle, but firm hand around his wrist.

“Oh no, you don’t! The only thing that should ‘leave’ is that lie you just told yourself!” Anders got up and rested both hands firmly on Fenris’ narrow, strong shoulders. “Fen, isolating yourself in your anger is not the way to go - believe me, I know this.”

Anders hoped Fenris could see the earnesty in his expression as big, suspicious green eyes searched his.

“How could you possibly know this?” Fenris’ voice rose as he spoke and he shook Anders’ hands off. “You weren’t raised in a family of slaves. You weren’t taught from birth to hide your emotions, that your opinions matter as little as you do. You weren’t told to be grateful to the man who abused and leashed you, that you owed him everything, all because he took you away from your family to be his manservant and lover!”

There was a moment of tangible silence between them as Fenris caught his breath. Pounce had darted into the bedroom and Anders fought to reel in his own anger and indignation at what Fenris has been through. Having both of them angry would do them no favors right now. Besides, he knew this path, this anger, all too well.

Saying the wrong thing now could mean Fenris leaving, isolating himself and being more vulnerable than he realised. It could forever ruin the trust and friendship between them that Anders had come to appreciate. He had been so happy the past two months, with new friends, someone to share his space with so he wasn’t so alone, feeling cared about and needed… There was Justine, but she didn’t need anything from anyone. Fenris however… maybe he needed Fenris too.

“Fen.” His voice was gentle and calm, much like it had been when he first approached the bloodied and frightened elf on Hawke’s couch. “If you truly wish to leave, that is fair. It is your choice, you are free to do as you please. I will never make you do something against your will.”

Anders took a deep breath before continuing. He had been putting it off, but it was time he told Fenris the truth about himself.

“I do not know what you have been through. What has been done to you is so wrong, and those responsible will pay, I will do everything in my power to make sure of it. But, if there’s one thing I know, it’s isolation, anger, and being caged.”

Fenris gave him a long, intense look. “How so?”

“I- ah, well,” Anders stuttered, not sure how to begin. The only other person he ever told was Justine, and she practically interrogated it out of him. “Can we sit?”

Probably sensing his nervousness, Fenris nodded and sat on their couch. He took his forgotten hot chocolate when it was handed to him and Anders pulled the a blanket over him, settling into his corner. It was familiar and comforting. He needed that now.

“Do you know what the Gallows is?”

Fenris shook his head.

“It’s a ‘correctional facility’, which is just a fancy name for a prison for young mages who are difficult and considered dangerous.”

Fenris stiffened slightly in his seat.

Anders swallowed his nerves and fears. If he wanted Fenris to understand, if he wanted Fenris to stay where he could be safe, he needed to push through.

“I was 12 years old when my magic first manifested, living happily with my family on our farm in rural Anderfels. I was tending to the horses near the barn when a mountain lion jumped at one of them. I got a fright and in my panic, I managed to cast flames at it and killed it. I also managed to burn down our barn.”

He grimaced, remembering the heat, the flames, the soot; his mother screaming, his father rushing to get all the animals out while he stood frozen in fear.

“My father didn’t even give me a chance to explain. He called the Templars on me, an old and powerful order who’d ‘collect and correct’ dangerous mages. He called me an abomination, said I was no son of his, that I was a sin in the Maker’s eyes.” Anders went quiet. His eyes unfocused on the carpet.

“Where did the Templars take you?” Fenris asked softly.

“Where all little unwanted magelings go. The Chantry’s orphanage.” Anders felt his lip curl at that, and had to temper down the anger that bubbled up. “I was given the name ‘Anders’ because I refused to speak, and no one bothered with my paperwork. We were made to sit in for morning and evening services daily where we were reminded what sins against nature we were. We were not allowed outside, we were not allowed to play or have time off. They watched us every waking moment, dictating when we woke, when we ate, when we shite…”

Fenris brow furrowed as he finally relaxed into his corner of the couch and took a sip of his hot chocolate. Anders took this as a good sign, giving him hope to continue.

“I couldn’t stand it. I was used to wide open fields, endless play and farm work. I got angry. The more they tried to correct me the angrier I got. The more they tried to teach me, the more my magic flared uncontrollably. After three years of constant punishment and rage, they handed me over to the Gallows. My magic was deemed too powerful and my behaviour rebellious and out of control. I still remember the other kids’ wided-eyed fear when I was marched out of the dorms by heavily guarded Templars.”

He went silent again, his mind back in that room he shared with the 49 other kids. His arms held his one change of clothes and his mother’s pillow. The six big, armoured and armed men leading a 15 year old boy out like a dangerous criminal.

He was startled by the gentle, but somewhat awkward patting of a hand on his leg. Looking up he saw Fenris’ eyes filled with uncharacteristic concern. Anders gave him a small smile.

“The Gallows was as bad as everyone said. My room was a cold, concrete cell with a small bed and desk. Many other kids had murdered, abused, raped… but some, like me, were just misunderstood.”

Fenris was taken aback. Of all things he would never have associated the gentle, kind Anders with such a history; with such a place.

“My anger didn’t go away.” Anders continued. “It got worse. I made no friends but many enemies, picking fights, lashing out. My magic was unlike anything they’d seen before, uncontrolled and powerful. They put me in solitary for a year after I tried to escape for the seventh time, but that only amplified things. There was talk of making me tranquil, of me being a lost case… but then Karl was there.”

“Karl? The man that works with you at the faculty?”

“The same. Back then we wasn’t Karl the anatomy professor, he was just Karl the young guidance counsellor and biology teacher. He was the first to listen, really listen to me, to understand my anger instead of trying to fight it. He was the one who discovered my talent in spirit healing, and taught me how to channel my magic into healing and how to control it.”

Anders couldn’t fight the smile that spread at remembering how kind and gentle Karl had been, how brave he had been to approach him in the first place.

“He was my first friend, the only one who cared. We became close and under his tutoring my rage calmed, my marks improved, and my behaviour issues stopped.”

“I am glad he was there for you.” Fenris kindly offered.

“He was everything I so desperately needed, kindness, compassion, life, friendliness, love. It… ah, it’s a long story. One for another day. It’s not exactly a happy story for me.”

“I- I am sorry to hear that. You trusted him.”

“It’s okay. It’s in the past. Besides, Justine has been the one keeping my head above water all this time. Keeps me from completely isolating myself or working myself to death. She can harp me quite a bit every now and then about needing to take an interest in politics, having goals, and avoiding distractions, like entire weekends playing xbox instead of working or volunteering. She’s just one of those type A’s, you know.”

Anders chuckled, then his tone turned sober. “Still, it had been very lonely until…”

“... until me.” Fenris finished more in understanding than a question.

“Yeah.” Anders smiled and ducked his head. “I’ve never had this. Friends, a roommate, playing card games and just being young. That’s all because of you. I’m not telling you this to manipulate you into staying, or to make this about me. I’m telling you this to show you that being angry and isolating yourself can only lead to hurt. You don’t want that, trust me, you don’t want to end up broken and messed up like me.”

“You are neither broken nor messed up, Anders.” Fenris says sternly. “Not to me. You… you are a good man and a better friend than I could ever have hoped for.”

Anders gave him a little watery smile. Unable to endure feeling so vulnerable and exposed, he took their mugs, put it on their stained coffee table, and moved to wrap his arms around Fenris.

Anders needed reassurance and comfort, Fenris needed support and kindness.

“You’re a better friend than I could’ve hoped for too, Fenris.” Anders sniffled. “You have a chance at a real life, one free and full of friends who care for you, who knows about your past but choose to stand with you. It’s good to get angry and sad every now and then, but don’t make choices in your anger. Don’t leave because of one bad day, _please_.”

__________________

It was the heavy, vulnerable emotion in that _please_ that got to Fenris. It cut him deep, a stark reminder that there was someone who cared, _actually cared_ about him. Someone who valued his wit, his personality, his intellect, instead of his obedience, his silence, and his submissiveness.

More than that, Anders was right. Now that the anger drained from him, he realised how foolish leaving would’ve been.

So Fenris sat and held the tall blond in his arms, rubbing soothing circles on his back. Anger had been an emotion deemed unacceptable as a servant, one he had always pushed down. Letting it out felt right, like letting go of something that hurt you.

_But I will need to learn to control my anger, like Anders learned to control his magic, before I hurt myself._

He looked down at the tall, lanky body curled up against his side and the head of messy, long blond hair on his shoulder that was getting heavier and quieter under the backrub.

_Or hurt someone I care about._

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This edition's FicRecs:
> 
> \- [ Hard Up in Hightown ](http://archiveofourown.org/works/7170755/chapters/16278455) by AndrastesKnicherweasle  
> Fenris is a sex phone operator with a voice of gold and Anders is a lonely doctor. Also, the hottest phone sex you'll ever read!
> 
> \- [ Petals ](http://archiveofourown.org/works/10700298) By HeroMaggie  
> Anders loves Fenris, but that love is killing him. A gorgeous, heart-wrenching one shot that's definitely worth your time!
> 
> Note: my FicRecs are not in any particular order of favourites. I have a list and every chapter I’ll be picking two at random. 
> 
> Remember to leave a comment and kudos on their work if you liked it! Share the love. 
> 
> Next up on Dr Anders: "All Rise, Court is Now Out of Order"


	9. The First Stance

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The lovely and most wonderful beta SocialDeception has updated her AMAZING FenHawke fic: 'Disclosure'. Rocker Fenris with a soft heart and beautifully written angst - go check it out!
> 
> Fic Recs in the EndNotes :D I got the next few editions lined up. Again, favs are in no particular order.

_ 5 Months after The Call _

___________________________________

 

After Danarius’ failed attempt to corner Fenris on campus, Fenris had hoped he would give up. Apparently not. 

Danarius tried seven more times to ambush Fenris and get him alone, no doubt to get him to drop the charges and drag him back to the manor, probably under heavy magical shackles - literally or figuratively. Much to Fenris’ frustration the crew agreed it be best if one of them was with him at all times. They wouldn’t even let him be alone at the apartment anymore on the weekends Anders had to work, instead Hawke or Varric would come over and play Xbox or do their assignments. 

Anders would try his best not to show it, no doubt trying to not make Fenris worry, but this affected him as well. He avoided being alone, drove his car instead of using public transport, looked over his shoulder, and double-checked that he locked the door. It made the friendly, chatty young doctor seem older and more timid than he was, but still, whenever their eyes met after a long day, or they would fall into their couch and talk about their day, Anders would smile as bright as ever and his eyes would light up, turning amber-brown eyes golden. A small part of Fenris liked to think only he had that effect on his best friend. 

For five months Fenris put up with this. The only time he was alone was in the bathroom, which he would admit he sometimes went to just to sit and read in peace. For five months Fenris felt babysat, weak for not being able to face this on his own, vulnerable… but that was all about to come to an end. 

Today was Danarius’ due day in court.

___________________________________

“Anders...Anders?” Fenris tapped him on the shoulder. “Mage!”

“What?”

“Stop fidgeting! I am rather certain the alignment of my tie will have no bearing on the judge’s decision.”

“Oh, so along with political science and philosophy you’re studying law now too?”

“Anders…”

“Sorry.” 

Anders sighed and stepped back, looking over his roommate. Fenris had impeccable taste when it came to clothes, and was dressed in a fitted white button-down shirt with slim black tie, neat black trousers, and black leather belt and shoes. He had gotten up early this morning to iron both their outfits and polish their shoes. 

The only formal clothes Anders owned was his old graduation suit. Navy suit with a white shirt, grey tie, and brown shoes and belt. He even had his hair cut for the event! Well, by Bela, but it still counted. Haircuts were expensive, after all 

“Anders…”

“Yes?”

“You’re doing it again.”

“I’m sorry! You just, you look so handsome, and it’s such a big day, and I just feel so…” Tears gathered in his eyes as Anders bit down on his trembling lip.

“Nervous?”

“Proud! Maker’s balls Fen, this is the day you’ll truly get your freedom, and you’ve worked so hard for it! Straight A’s while taking on a second major, putting up with all our hovering and monitoring, sleeping on a pull out couch-”

“Betty is more comfortable than your bed and you know it.”

“Betty?” Justine walked into the room from the bathroom, dressed like a foreign prime minister in her Navy heels which matched Anders’ suit and a fitted black dress that flared up at the neck. Her long black hair tied into a neat bun behind her left ear, and the two pearl earrings brought out the sparkle in her piercing blue eyes. She was a vision of style and power, as always. 

“Betty, it’s what we nicknamed the couch.” Fenris clarified.

Anders sighed, “I always knew it would be a woman who got between us in the end, I was right.” He ran his fingers tenderly over the back of the couch, longing in his eyes. “Oh Betty, why is Fenris so jealous and possessive over you?” 

“Not my fault you offered me the couch instead of the bed, Anders. How’s that old saying? You made your bed, now you have to…?”

“Put a cork in it.” Justine shut them both up after checking the contents of her handbag. “Come on children, we can’t be late.”

“Yes, mother.” Anders said dramatically, earning him a whack on the back of the head. 

___________________________________

“Blondie! Where’s Broody? Was starting to wonder if you’ll sh- My, my, who is this?” Varric stopped dead in his tracks as Justine appeared next to Anders, heavy black lashes over bright blue eyes looking down at him. 

“Fenris is already inside going over things with his lawyer. Oh, you guys haven’t met her yet! This is Justine, my friend from university. Justine, this is Varric, your friendly neighbourhood shady dwarf and business student extraordinaire. That there is Hawke, Merrill, Isabela, and Aveline.”

“Pleasure.” Justine said with a slight inclination of her head.

“C’mon, let’s go in. I saved us the front row.” Varric stepped up again. He offered Justine his arm, “Shall we?”

Justine gave him a rare small smile, which wasn’t even a smirk, and took his arm by draping her hand over it as she was too tall for link their arms. 

Anders stared, flabbergasted. He didn’t think he’s ever seen Justine smile while sober before. 

Today was going to be a weird day. 

___________________________________

“So tell me, Fenris, what would possess a man who has been given everything, a scholarship, an opportunity to get out of a life of slavery, to get out of a country where he is oppressed - what would possess such a man to turn on the one who had been so generous and kind?”

“Objection!”

“I’ll allow it.”

“Fenris?”

Fenris clenched his jaw. His nails were biting into his palms hard enough to draw blood as he tried to rail in his rage. Of course, of course this would be what Danarius’ lawyer would do! Pit him as a spoiled brat who grew too comfortable and greedy. It also didn’t help that the lawyer was the same Mr Otto Alrik who had barged into Justine’s office the morning after the incident. 

The prosecution, his side, had been wonderful. The evidence given by Officer Donnic, his own testimony, Hawke and Bela’s telling of how they found him, Ander’s account of events, and Justine’s evaluation of the state Fenris was in. It had all seemed pretty damning, until now. 

Fenris was the last witness on the stand, and it was now the defence’s turn. 

“I am not sure how to answer, as I am not familiar with such circumstances,” he said plainly once he gained control of his voice. 

“None at all? Because it seems to me like that is exactly what we’re dealing with. Your Honour, my client, Danarius, had selflessly-” in the crowd Anders scoffed. “Gone to Tevinter to assist his family in choosing the right candidate for this scholarship. When he met Fenris, the only elven candidate, he was so moved by his plight against oppression and his dreams of higher education that he not only granted him the scholarship, but brought him back with him, opened his home and gave him everything he could need and wish for.”

“Your Honour, if I may?”

Fenris’ lawyer, Cullen, beseeched the judge, who only gave him a small nod.  

“We have people willing to testify that Danarius had been intoxicated the evening the winner was selected, and two servants who saw him pull Fenris by the arm towards his quarters to, and I quote here from an official HR report: _ ‘thank me properly.’ _ ”

Alrik was stunned silent for a moment, as was the muted, horrified looks on the crowd’s faces.

“If the defences wishes,”  Cullen continued calmly, “we can have the persons involved flown in from Tevinter, although this would delay the case some?” 

Suddenly, there was a bright flash. Fenris cringed, then slowly blinked his eyes open again. 

Danarius was storming over to him, but everything else in the room was frozen in time. A time freeze spell.  _ Shit _ .

“That is  _ enough _ !” Danarius’ voice boomed as the rage rolled off him in waves. He grabbed Fenris by the collar and roughly yanked him out of the witness box and onto the floor. “You will seize this slandering immediately and come to your senses! I will not allow this to continue any further!”

Fenris coughed at the chokehold, then ripped Danarius’ hand off of him, standing up to his full length before Danarius, looking into his eyes without a single thread of fear. 

“Never.”

“Why you ungrateful, insolent-”

Danarius had lifted his hand to cast another spell, which Fenris had just begun to brace himself for, when a loud crack interrupted them. 

Danarius hit the floor, followed soon by a very enraged Anders who grabbed him by the collar with one hand and started beating the shit out of him with the other. 

“You bully! You fucking asshole bully motherfucking piece of shit!” Each word was met with a fist. 

Fenris just managed to pull Anders off Danarius before he beat him to death. 

“Anders! Anders, you can’t kill a man in a courtroom, they’ll lock you up! Get a hold of yourself Mage!”

Anders squirmed wildly, cursing. For a moment Fenris saw that trouble maker in the Gallows who picked fights and ran on anger and hate, so in contrast with the kind, wonderful man he knew as his roommate and best friend.

“Anders, please, I need you. I won’t let them take you away.” 

That seemed to get through to him, as Anders calmed, allowing Fenris to slowly release him. 

“I’m sorry. I got carried away.”

“It’s okay. How did the spell not affect you?”

“From where I was sitting I could see his hands under the desk. I saw him preparing to cast so I just cast a shield over myself.”

A moan from Danarius reminded them where they were. The man’s grey suit was covered in blood, his nose was bent the wrong way, and his one eye was swollen shut. He was also missing two teeth. Anders got him good. 

“I’ll heal him and put him back - but I’m leaving the pain and not putting your teeth back you dick-wart!”

Anders, true to his word, healed up the visual damage and cast a small spell that evaporated the bloody aftermath. Judging by Danarius’ moans, Anders also managed to leave the painful reminder of their encounter. 

Fenris insisted on dragging Danarius back to his seat, where true justice would be dealt to him. As he gracelessly dropped him on his chair, he grabbed him by the hair, yanking his head back so he could look down into Danarius’ soulless eyes.

“You are not, nor will you ever again be my master.”

For good measure, he dropped Danarius’ head on the desk. 

Fenris turned to walk back to the witness box, just in time to see Anders knee Alrik between the legs with a vindictive look on his face, which turned innocent when he saw Fenris staring. 

“What?”

“Just… get to your chair and dispel this magic, Anders. The sooner this can all be over, the better.”

Back in their seats, Anders flicked his wrists and time continued as if it never stopped. 

Except for Alrik suddenly grabbing the table to keep from falling over as the other hand went to his balls. 

“Is everything alright, Mr Alrik?”

“...yes.” A faint whimper came from the man. 

Alrik looked back at the dazed looking Danarius slowly lifting his head from the table, and Fenris’ smug grin in the witness box, and realised it was time to admit defeat. 

“The defence rests, your Honour.”

Fenris’ elven ears picked up ‘yeah, go rest your balls’ from the crowd. His eyes met Anders’ who just smiled and winked at him. 

“Very well,” the judge agreed. “I think I’ve seen just about enough anyway. There’ll be no need for a recess, the sentence is already prepared.”

Here it was, the moment the past five months have been boiling down to. From the moment Anders answered the phone to a panicked Hawke telling Anders someone needed his help, to Danarius’ last attempt to attack Fenris moments before. 

The whole courtroom moved two inches to the edges of their seats.

“Danarius de Vint, this court finds you guilty of the charges laid against you. You are hereby sentenced to 50 years in prison without the possibility of parole. The three men that were at your house the night of the attack had also been arrested and will also be sentenced just as harshly.”

The crowd erupted into cheers and yowls.

“Order! Order! Thank you. Now, as for you, Mr Alrik, following the evidence here today I hereby freeze your practising license until the Board can give you a proper hearing and decide whether or not you’re fit to still practice law at all. Officers, please take the defence into custody. Court adjourned.”

With the last slam of his hammer on the podium, the room erupted into cheers once more, but it was Anders’ voice he heard, Ander's eyes he search for. The tall blond was nearly diving over people to reach Fenris. 

The two grabbed one another and held on tightly. Every stress, every worry, every dark memory and fear just melted away as the clung to each other, both feeling a growing dampness on their shoulder from the other’s tears, neither caring. 

“You did it. You did it Fenris,” Anders’ choked up voice muffled against his shoulder. “I never doubted you for a second! I’m so, so proud of you!”

Fenris bit his bottom lip and held on tighter, not trusting the words he wished he could say at the moment.  _ This is all thanks to you. I could never have done this without you. I owe you everything. Thank you - thank you with all my heart, I don’t know what I’d do without you _ . 

“Ahem.” A pointed throat clearing made them realise how quiet things had gotten. They pulled off one another as they turned to look at the judge, noticing that time had once again stopped. “That was quite the excitement, was it not?” the old man smiled. 

“You, you’re-” Anders stuttered as he wiped his eyes.

“A mage? Yes. It comes in handy in court more often than you think. You think Danarius is the first to pull a stunt like that? My bench is protected by a barrier against magic. I was going to interfere until I saw you pummel the vile man, then I decided to let justice… run its course. Besides, that was all the admission of guilt I needed from him.”

“Thank you, your Honour Orsino.” Fenris reached out and shook his hand.

“Tis my job, son. Now, you two go celebrate with your friends. I wish you many years of happiness and love.”

Before either of them could correct the old man, he flashed them a knowing smile, dispelled the magic, and disappeared into a crowd of people all clamouring to congratulate Fenris. 

___________________________________

“Pass the iced tea please!”

“Urgh, gross. Why wouldn’t you just have a beer with us? Don’t you want to celebrate, sweet thing!”

“Pizza, iced tea, and Mario Kart with friends  _ is  _ my idea of celebrating, Bela!”

“Prude…”

“Leave Anders be, his apartment, his rules.” Fenris interjected between Anders and Bela. 

“ _ Our _ apartment.” Anders smiled at him, making Fenris blush a little and return the smile. 

He wasn’t sure what his newfound freedom would entail, but so far, it was looking pretty good. 

Fenris had seated himself on the floor next to Anders, their backs to the couch where Hawke, Merril, and Isabela sat. Aveline was sitting at the kitchen counter, talking with Donnic who they had invited to join. Justine had claimed the armchair for herself, while Varric had pulled up Anders’ desk chair next to it. The two seemed to be arguing all evening about foreign aid policy and ethical business practice, but would offer to share their pizza or pour the other a drink without blinking an eye.

Fenris was happy, beyond happy! He had good friends, a great roommate, his freedom, and his whole life ahead of him. 

Just as he reached for another slice of pizza while watching Merril absolutely destroy Anders in Mario Kart, his phone rang. 

“Hello?” he answered, getting up to walk to the quieter bedroom. “Chancellor de Vint!”

Anders heard him, handed the remote to Hawke and followed him into the bedroom, closing the door. Shit, the only thing that could spoil this right now would be Danarius’ dad expelling him for having his son locked up. Guess he couldn’t blame the man… Still, this felt like a cruel twist of fate.

Fenris looked into Anders’ worried face, probably thinking the same thing. He turned on speakerphone. 

“Fenris, I apologise for not calling you earlier, I had assumed you would be celebrating with your friends.”

_ Oh no, he knows about Hawke’s crew. Dear Maker, if you are real, please don’t let them be hurt by this too! _

“I- Yes, sir.”

“That’s good. Listen boy, I wished to call you to... to apologise. I have been blinded by my son’s lies all this time when I should’ve known better. To think what you have gone through all this time, right under my nose...I am terribly ashamed that he got away with it for this long. I cannot apologise for him, but I can try to make ammends my own inaction.”

“I-” 

Fenris had no words, of all the things he expected him to say, this was the last. 

“As a way to prove this to you, I wish to grant you a lifetime scholarship to Kirkwall University. You’ll be able to study whatever you like, for as long as you like, living allowance and accommodation costs included. No strings attached, it’ll be there if you wish it, and comes with no demands or requirements, just an old man’s apology.”

“I… thank you, sir. That is very generous.”

“Good. Now, I shall not keep you any longer from your much-deserved celebrations. Good bye, Fenris.”

“Thank you, sir. Good bye, sir.”

Fenris watched as the phone’s screen went from blue to red as the call ended. 

The both just stood, staring at the phone for a few minutes. 

“That was-”

“Yeah.”

“I never-”

“Me neither.”

They stood in silence again, awkward this time. Money, tuition and living allowance meant that Fenris could move out and get his own place. But did he want that? Did he want all this freedom, without nagging Anders to hurry up in the bathroom, hot chocolate stains on the coffee table, and Pounce’s hair everywhere?

“So I, I guess you’ll be wanting your own place then, huh?” Anders gave him a cautious smile, his voice slow and insecure. “Least I can have Betty back.” Anders chuckled but there was no heart in it. 

Fenris furrowed his brow and thought for a few moments. 

_No_. 

“No.”

“No?”

“No, I don’t want my own place. I like living with you and would continue to do so, if, that is, you still wish me to?”

As soon as he spoke the words, a thought occurred to him. Had he just been a charity case to Anders all along? Maker, why did he assume Anders would still want him after his noble quest was complete?

“Of course!”

Never mind. 

“I am relieved to hear you say that.” Fenris smiled at the goody overjoyed look on his best friend’s face. “But maybe, we can just move to another apartment? I hear there’s a two bedroom just two floors up from us. With the new income, we could afford the bigger place. Same location and layout, just two bedrooms instead of one.”

“Fenris…” Anders drawled, his eyes narrowed playfully. “Are you asking me to move in with you?”

Fenris rolled his eyes at the Mage’s teasing tone, but that didn’t stop the pink blush of his cheeks to his ears. “You’re impossible. Yes, Anders, I’m asking you to move in with me. I’d like my room to no longer be a living room.”

“Oh, Fenris,” Anders spun around and dramatically fainted into Fenris’ arms. “Yes! A thousand times yes!”

Fenris laughed; a real, deep belly laugh that was free and joyful and made Anders grin like an idiot.

“Fool mage.” Fenris smiled, shaking his head down at the silly man in his arms. “You’ll be the death of me.”

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FIC REC TIME! 
> 
> Oh goodie :D this week's recs are brought to you by: 'Fairytales' (ps: sorry I can't link them, I don't know how :( help is welcome):
> 
> "[ A Cloak of a Thousand Furs ](http://archiveofourown.org/works/9440828/chapters/21361826)" by ContreParry  
> \- 'The sun, the moon, the stars, and a cloak of a thousand furs will aid a young man in his quest for freedom. On the way he stumbles upon love. A Fenders Fairytale.' 
> 
> "[ Through Shapeless Worlds and Airless Skies ](http://archiveofourown.org/works/6268156/chapters/14362309)" by AndrastesKnickerweasle  
> \- ''Today Da’len, I shall tell you the tale of why we have the changing seasons... It is a tale of prejudice and understanding, trust and acceptance, duty and sacrifice… a tale of the star-crossed lover of the Dread Lord Falon’Din...' A Fenders retelling of the Greek Myth of Hades and' Persephone.  
> (GO READ THIS! GO DO IT NOW! Thank me later)
> 
> "[ It Means Loved One ](http://archiveofourown.org/works/4899514/chapters/11236372)" by HeroMaggie  
> \- 'Prince Anders Theirin of Ferelden has been betrothed to Fenris Lowell, Prince of Kirkwall since he was twelve - an advantageous match for both country and city. But on the eve of their marriage, Prince Fenris discovers that Prince Anders' views of their impending nuptials and his hopes don't mesh and sets out to woo his nervous consort.'  
> (Arranged marriage AU with Prince Anders and Prince Fenris, and beautiful smut. What more do you want!)
> 
> Next theme: Mermaids, then: Modern Au! Can't wait :D


	10. The First Rule Broken

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A kind thank you to [ SocialDeception ](http://archiveofourown.org/users/SocialDeception/pseuds/SocialDeception) for being my soundboard and Beta as always! <3
> 
> FicRecs at the end again, yay! This week's theme: mermaids! Grrr...

_ 7 Months after The Call _

____________________________

It was a small thing, trivial. The rim of a mug resting against a pink, soft, pouty bottom lip as both absently moved to tantalisingly blow over a steaming mug of hot chocolate. Intelligent and kind molten amber-brown eyes were fixed on the book on his lap where he was curled up in his corner of the couch, his long, elegant legs pulled up. Golden hair that caught rays of the early morning sun, making him appear ethereal, slipped from their loose ponytail. 

Fenris was nearly overcome with the burning desire to tuck that strand back behind his ear, to feel their silky texture between his fingers, to taste chocolate on soft lips and to capture those enticing eyes.  

It was like Fenris was seeing Anders, his best friend and roommate of the past 7 months, for the first time...and he was beautiful. 

Anders took a sip, leaving a smudge of chocolate foam on the corner of his upper lip. Fenris felt his throat constrict as his mind filled with nothing but the thought of kissing it off, tasting the sweet drink Anders liked too much, tasting the man  _ he _ liked too much. 

Suddenly everything was too tight and hot, his throat, his mouth… his pants.

_____________________

“Everything okay?” Anders asked. He looked over at Fenris who sat staring at him with an empty spoon halfway to his parted lips. By the looks of it, that cereal should be terribly soggy by now. 

Fenris seemed to snap awake, then scowled. “Of course, why wouldn’t it be?” He seemed suddenly very pissed and very embarrassed, and Anders could help wonder where he’d just been in his mind. Maybe a flashback, or maybe he just remembered he has an assignment due or something.  

“Alright, I’m just checking,” Anders replied in a softer tone of voice with a smile, not quite understanding his roommate’s ire, but wanting to soothe it nonetheless. Fenris was his best friend regardless, even though he sometimes couldn’t quite understand him. He showed Anders a side of himself he allowed no one else to see, just as Anders did with him, he supposed.

Anders was about to ask what that cereal had done to him to deserve that ferocious glare Fenris was giving it when his phone rang. 

“Hello? ... Hey Hawke, what’s up?”

_ Was it just me or did Fenris’ glowering just get worse? _

“Today? It’s a Friday, Hawke, you know I have to work. And you have class! … Mhm?”

Anders looked at the scowling, miserable elf.  _ Now there’s an idea _ . 

“You know what Hawke, on second thought, that’s a great idea! … No, I’m serious. Fenris and I would love to. … Yeah, Fenris, I’m looking at him right now, he hasn’t left yet. Sure he’d love to come too. … Okay, great, see you then! Bye.”

Anders hung up the phone, the biggest smile on his face. 

“Hey Fen-Fen, I know what’ll turn that frown upside down!”

“Hawke in a choke-hold?” Fenris muttered under his breath.

“What?

“Hm, what?” Fenris blinked up at him, then shook his head. “Nothing. What do you think would cheer me up, mage?”

“How would you feel about ditching class, and going to the Carnival? Today’s the last day it’s in town!” Anders was nearly bouncing on his toes in excitement. As a kid he’d often seen the posters, heard other kids talking about it - the colours, the smells, the interesting people and rides.

“The Carnival? Anders, I have classes to attend and you have classes to teach”

“I haven’t taken a day off in the past three years, I’m sure they can manage one day without me.” At Fenris unimpressed face, Anders felt the joy and excitement drain from him. “Well, okay if you don’t wish to go, I guess it’ll just be me and Hawke then.” 

Anders really wanted to see the carnival, but he also wanted to share it with Fenris, his best friend. Hawke was really sweet, and a great friend, but he wasn’t… Fenris. 

Fenris seemed to consider it, it must’ve been the sad puppy eyes Anders was unintentionally making.

After a few suspenseful deliberating moments in which Fenris seemed to weigh it up, he gave Anders a small smile and stood, finally abandoning the Great Cereal Carnage of O-Four. 

“Alright,” he said in a determined voice. “I’ve never done anything like this, purposefully missed class or broken a rule, but why not.”

“That’s the spirit Fen!” Anders squealed in delight. “Live a little, break the rules, colour outside the lines!”

“On one condition.”

“Name it.”

“I’ll call in sick for you, if you call in sick for me.”

__________________

Fenris had called the medical faculty’s secretary, informing them that Anders was sick in bed and could not make it in today. She had been very sympathetic and understanding, reminding him to tell Anders to drink lots of fluids - like she didn’t know he was a doctor. 

In turn, Anders had sent an email to Fenris’ lecturers of the day, informing them of the same. Everything went according to plan for Fenris. 

Fenris purposefully posted a photo on their little gang’s Whatsapp group of a very excited Anders with a wide grin and white streaks of sunscreen over his nose and cheeks, saying how excited Anders was about going to the Carnival. Bela had some strong words for her flatmate for not letting her know, and declared she would be there, and quickly roped in Merril and Varric too. Aveline had reprimanded them all for missing class, but quickly changed her tone when she learned Donnic had the day off and was eager to join. 

The whole gang was going. Everything went according to plan indeed. 

____________________

Fenris and Anders were making their way from the parking lot to the entrance when Anders suddenly stopped dead in his tracks. 

“Oh shit. Ohshitohshitohshit. What the hell is she doing here?” he said in loud, anxious whispers to Fenris. 

“Hello boys.” Justine smiled at them. Dressed in actual casual clothes, she was somehow just as intimidating as ever. Hawke shuffled next to Anders protectively and narrowed his eyes at Justine. Aveline was painfully obviously trying  _ not  _ to look at Donnic. Merrill looked lost. 

“He-heyyyy Justinnnne! What a love-ly sur-prise?” Anders smiled nervously. Fenris had to stifle a smile. 

“Calm down white boy, I’m not about to yell at you.”

“Now I can explain, you see- ...wait, really? You’re not mad?”

“I’m here too, aren’t I?”

“That you are.” Anders glared and Varric, who seemed way too smug. “Anyway, glad you’re here. And that’ you’re not just here to yell at me. I’m glad everyone’s here! Oohhh, this is going to be so much fun! Let’s get this rolling!”

Anders was like a kid in a candy store. He had the same look of wonderment and fascination, eyes wide, taking in everything. He made them stop at nearly every stall, visit every exhibition, and by late afternoon they were all full of corn-dogs and candyfloss and nearing the end of the attractions.

Merrill and Bela were perusing a stand that sold beautiful handmade hats, Aveline was beating Donnic in a game where you have to slam a hammer down on a pressure-plate to hit the bell, and Justine and Varric were arguing like an old married couple in a second-hand book stall.

In front of Fenris, Hawke was telling Anders about the first time he went to the carnival as a kid and won a hotdog eating contest, and how his little brother cried because he didn’t. Hawke then cheered Carver up by winning him a huge plush mabari at a shooting range stall. 

Hawke had previously offered to try and win a smaller plush mabari for Anders at a stall where you have to throw balls at an ever-moving templar, but Anders politely declined, saying it’ll end up ripped to shreds by Pounce anyway. 

Fenris would admit only to himself that Anders’ kind refusal made him feel a little relieved. He knew Hawke had initially intended for this to be only him and Anders, and was probably waiting for the right time to ask the oblivious mage out, but Fenris just couldn’t force himself to leave the two alone.

“Oh, what do we have here sweet things,” Bela’s voice purred. “Is that the ‘ _ Tunnel of Love _ ’ I spot?” 

Hawke’s face lit up. Fenris narrowed his eyes suspiciously. 

“Hawke no.”

“Hawke yes!” Hawke replied.

“Double yes!” Bela added.

Fenris’ eyes went wide. He looked to Anders for help gesturing between Isabela and Hawke who were both grinning widely. 

Anders just shrugged and smiled shyly. “I’ve always wondered what it would be like.”

That was it, Fenris couldn’t crush Anders’ childhood dreams - he couldn’t do that, even if it would pain him to see Anders and Hawke go in there. 

“Woohoo! This is happening!” Isabela cheered as she ushered the gang together into the queue. “Grab a cuddle buddy and pucker up, it’s about to get cozy.”

With only a little resistance, everyone eventually paired up, all except Fenris. Aveline and Donnic were the first to get in the little two-seater, swan-shaped ride that floated along into a faux cave with pink-tinted mist rolling out.

Merrill and Bela stepped up next, but while waiting for the next ride, Bela got to flirting with the cute carnival worker who had been keeping the ride-operator company. A very handsome, very tan elf named Zevran, with a face tattoo and long hair. 

When the next ride came, Isabela grabbed the elf by his collar and dragged him into the ride with her, throwing only an “I owe you one kitten!” over her shoulder to Merrill who just gave him two thumbs up and a smile.

Fenris sighed. So, he’d be going with Merrill then. At least that’s not as sad as going alone, right?

The moment came all too soon, the next ride floated to a halt in front of them. Fenris felt his stomach drop.

Anders stepped up first, sliding into the seat, inspecting the ride with amusement. Just as Hawke was about to take a step forward however, Fenris lost his composure. All his self-reprimanding, his promises that he’ll let them be and accept that Anders is his best friend and nothing more - everything went out the window. 

As Merrill took a step forward to take the space Hawke had just stood, Fenris subtly stuck out his foot and tripped her. Her yelp had Hawke spin around and catch her as she tumbled, leaving a window of distraction for Fenris to calmly move past them and slide in next to a surprised, but seemingly pleased, Anders. 

By the time Hawke had the blushing, apologizing Merril back steadily on her feet the ride operator had already lowered the handlebars and sent them off.

“Thank you,” Anders said with a brush against his shoulder and a smile Fenris could hear in his voice as they entered the dark, dimly-lit cave. It was hard to hear over the rushing of blood in his ears, the warmth of nerves and excitement having him sit very still. 

“For what?”

“That. I saw your foot move. Hawke’s a nice guy and all, but…”

_ Anders didn’t feel the same way… Thank the Maker and his bride, Anders didn’t feel the same way about Hawke! _

Fenris allowed himself a moment to feel bad for rejoicing in the news that would no doubt upset his friend, but was too relieved to care for long. 

“No problem.”

At least Anders couldn’t see him grin in the dark. 

The ride was long and slow, and in addition to sitting close enough for their arms and knees to occasionally brush, making Fenris’ heart leap every time, it was accompanied by romantic music, red-tinted smoke, and depictions of various species kissing and copulating - some of it animated. 

No wonder the ride had an 18+ age restriction. 

It should’ve been awkward, it should’ve made him squirm and feel uncomfortable to be in such an intimate, romantic setting with his best friend and roommate - but it didn’t. Sure it made him blush like a lovesick school-girl every time they touched or a particularly explicit automated exhibit would appear, but Anders’ soft chuckles and funny running commentary about the biological inaccuracies about their displays made him feel warm and relaxed. 

They were nearing the end of the ride when an automated qunari with a naked dwarf draped over his horns informed them to ‘ _ show that special someone you love them and get ready for the kiss cam _ ’. 

Fenris’ breath caught in his throat. He had not expected this. Fasta vass!

Anders chuckled next to him and he turned to see the blond in the dim lighting smile brightly at him, his eyes dark gold, an image of true beauty that made Fenris even more nervous. Anders turned his head and pointed at his cheek. 

The qunari’s voice counted down, “3… 2… 1 - and smooch!” An obscene kissing sound played over the speakers, but Fenris could barely hear it over his heart pounding in his ears, which he just knew were nervously twitching.

Fenris took a deep breath, but just as he leaned in to place a chaste kiss on the mage’s cheek, Anders turned his head and caught his lips with his own, just in time for the flash.

Fenris’ mind went completely blank for a second. There was nothing, no soft splashing water against the little boat, no clinking of automated qunari or dwarfs, no hiss of cheap smoke machines - nothing but the soft, warm lips against his.

Just as swiftly as it began, it was over too soon, before Fenris’ mind and body could even catch up to react Anders pulled away, but stayed closer than before. Anders smiled shyly but was laughing softly, Fenris’ heart missing a beat. 

“Sorry Fen, but it just wouldn’t be the ‘tunnel of love’ without an awkward kiss.” 

Fenris’ mind was still reeling, the ghostly feeling of soft warm lips on his making his heart stutter. 

_ Did that...just happen? Surely not, a trick of the mind and the flash of light, surely… _

But Fenris could still feel the tingle on his lips, the warmth over his cheeks to the tips of his pointed ears making him glow in the dark, he was sure. 

They reached the end of the tunnel soon after that, and were directed to a booth where they could buy the photo taken. Bela, Aveline, and Donnic were already waiting for them. Bela whistled.

Soon after, Merrill and Hawke’s ride arrived. Hawke was a stuttering mess, and Merrill’s pink lip gloss was all over Hawke’s cheek and lips. Merrill looked exceedingly pleased with herself, while Hawke looked pleasantly surprised.

“Way to go,” Isabela preened at them. “Kitten got hers!” She and Merrill high-fived.

But the most interesting of all was to be Varric and Justine’s one coming up last. Justine was fixing her shirt which was suddenly wrinkled while Varric was fixing his hair.. Justine’s red lipstick was on Varric’s lips, and his neck, and his fly was still down. 

Catching the usually so composed duo in such a disgraceful state was quite the scene. 

Fenris stood to the side to purchase the photo for their ride, just watching the others, a smile on his face. 

While taunts and playful tips were being thrown at the two who were, of course, taking it instride, Fenris’ eyes moved to Anders. The beautiful blond man was laughing and reprimanding Varric about his intentions, and gave Hawke a congratulatory pat on the back while Merrill climbed Hawke like a tree and stuck to him like a backpack. Hawke hooked his arms under her, and she promptly dropped her head on his shoulder and fell asleep. 

He knew he shouldn’t read too much into the kiss, that it was just Anders being Anders and getting the most out of his day at the carnival, ticking off the items on his childhood wish-list. He knew he shouldn’t be feeling this tightness in his chest when he looked at the man, shouldn’t feel like he couldn’t stop smiling because of a friendly kiss. 

But then Anders turned and looked at him. Golden brown eyes lit up like the lights of the carnival in dusk as he smiled at him. 

Fenris felt something in his chest stir, something he never knew could be there. 

______________________

_ Where the hell did that elf put it this time! _

Anders was grumbling as he searched the apartment for his red hoodie that Fenris had no doubt stolen again. He wouldn’t be surprised to find Fenris wearing it today, but he was holding out hope that it was somewhere in the apartment.

His search lead him to Fenris’ room, digging through his laundry basket. Fenris always kept his room so painfully tidy, not even a pile of clothes on a chair for Anders to sift through. 

Anders sighed and gave up the search. He was just about to turn and leave when he saw something red sticking out of Fenris’ chest of drawers. 

Anders stepped closer and cautiously opened it. He knew he was snooping, but his suspicion was confirmed when his red hoodie was neatly folded in the top drawer.  

“Aha! Hoodie thief! Caught you red handed. Heh.”

Just as he reached for it, something else caught his eye. Stuck into the hoodie’s pocket was the photo taken in the ‘Tunnel of Love’, the moment Anders turned and kissed him. Fenris’ eyes were wide in surprise, his ears tinted bright pink and pointed up, while his hands hovered awkwardly over the handlebars. The corners of Anders’ lips were slightly turned up into a smile and his eyes were closed, but the damn flash caught the blush on his cheeks. 

Staring at the photo, he absently ran the tips of his fingers over his lips, the memory of the kiss he’d played over and over in his mind playing again. 

Anders tucked the photo back in the pocket, left the hoodie, and closed the drawer. 

Just as he reached the door, he glanced back at Fenris’ room. It was so neat, tidy, organised, he was not one for colourful flare, decor, or sentimentality. But hidden in a drawer was a bright red hoodie and a photo of a kiss. 

Anders smiled, and closed the door. 

_ I think I’ll surprise Fenris with some hot chocolate when he gets home.  _

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FIC REC TIME !  
> Okay so both my fav mermaid au's are actually by the talented [ KimsyWims ](http://archiveofourown.org/users/KimsyWims/pseuds/KimsyWims) .
> 
> \- [ On the Seas Our Hearts Combine ](http://archiveofourown.org/works/5603383/chapters/12910726)  
> 'Being a merman isn't always easy and experience tell's Anders that getting caught only mean that he'll get hurt. However being caught by a crew who doesn't seem to mean him any harm isn't that scary, perhaps he can even trust these people not to hurt him. After all, they do have a very handsome elf in their crew that Anders immediately takes a liking to.  
> Just a shame Fenris isn't as thrilled over mythical creatures as the rest of the crew. A merman!Anders and pirate!Fenris AU!'
> 
> -[ In the Depth of the Ocean ](http://archiveofourown.org/works/5689042/chapters/13103875)  
> 'A cave diving expeditions goes wrong and Anders is saved by a white haired sea creature. Unfortunately said sea creature is hurt in the process and Anders being the caring man he is, can't let someone who saved his life bleed to death. However winding up with a creature that isn't supposed to exist and can kill a shark with his bare hands might be more hard work than Anders can handle. Especially since the white haired siren seems very intent on killing him.' (Vet!Anders and Siren!Fenris! You want to read this, trust me!)
> 
> Next chapter's theme: my favourite Fenders modern au's! Yipee! 
> 
> Ps: As always, I'm super open to any ideas or suggestions, or even critique :) Please don't hesitate to let me know what you think!   
> kthnksloveyoubye


	11. The First Desire

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fenris hugs and mage kisses to my beta [ SocialDeception ](https://social-deception.tumblr.com/)
> 
> FicRecs in the end notes! This chapter's theme is 'modern au' :D Next chapter's theme... ANGST! But, the nice kind that ends happily. DBuns has a strict Anders-cannot-die policy. 
> 
> Ps: If you didn't know, on on [ Tumblr as DovaBunny too ](https://dovabunny.tumblr.com/) . I post like a shitton of Fenders, if you're into that! :D

 

_ 12 Months after The Call _

______________________________________

Fenris felt his heart pounding in his chest as a slick hand tightened around his hot, hard length. He was beginning to pant, his body and heated bare skin reacting to the sensual touch and eroticism of the moment.

His eyes were closed shut, but he could still see the image burned into mind - long red hair, soft voluptuous hips, lips parted and head thrown back while moans tumbled to his heated ears. He wanted to kiss those lips, run his hands over a lean, strong back, fingers through strawberry-blond hair… He bit off a moan of his own as a deft thumb traced over the sensitive slit of his heavy, swollen head to add to the slick. He wanted more, wanted to thrust, wanted to bite and suck, to mark and claim, to feel a coarse stubble over his tongue as he-

“Fenris! I can’t hold it in any longer!” Anders’ voice.

“ _ Vehendis _ !”

The world erupted in a burst of pleasure that rocked his entire body.

“Fenriiiiiiiis!” A pounding, on the bathroom door, followed. “Seriously, what’s taking you so long? I gotta pee man!”

Fenris’ eyes shot open as reality slapped him in the face. His heart was still pounding in his chest as he struggled to calm his breathing. He looked down at the shameful evidence of his actions, the splashes of come being washed off his hand where he’d stood in the shower.

_ Fasta Vass, how did I let this happen! _

“I- I’m just drying off, be out in a minute,” he called out to Anders beyond the door, hoping Anders couldn’t hear how hoarse and out of breath his voice was.

Their new apartment truly had the same layout as the previous, only now on the other end of the bathroom was another bedroom. The door to the bathroom now just lead in from the living room instead of Anders’ room, but besides that, everything else was exactly the same.

“Hurry it up would you!” a very impatient sounding voice right against the door, like he was trying to phase through it by sheer will. “My eyes are starting to water.”

Fenris hurriedly washed away all traces of his disgraceful mind and got out. He grabbed his towel, patted himself down quickly before wrapping it around his waist and unlocking the door.

_ “Thankyouthankyouthankyougetoutgetoutgetout!” _ Anders rushed past him and shoved him out the door before slamming it shut. Seconds later he hear a loud sigh of relief.

Fenris moved quickly to his room, locked the door and fell on the bed, throwing his arm over his eyes.

_ Vehendis _ .

Ever since Danarius had been locked up, Fenris had been allowing himself to live more, that was what free men did, was it not? It was as if he saw more, tasted more, felt more, heard more… as if the shackles on his mind, heart, and senses had been lifted.

Unfortunately, all these new realisations about himself and his surroundings also came with the very inconvenient realisation that he was attracted to his roommate and best friend.

Even though Hawke and Isabela picked him up that night, and Justine and Donnic made sure Danarius was locked up, it was Anders who had truly saved him. A part of him would forever feel in debt to the man who took in a complete stranger who needed a home, a friend, and a safe place to recover.

At first Fenris had denied these foreign feelings completely, pretended it wasn’t so. However, every time Hawke would blush and touch Anders, Fenris would feel his chest tighten as something dark in his raised its ugly head.

… Speaking of raising an ugly head.

_ This was all that Sebastian kid’s fault! _

Sebastian had wide eyes as he spoke to him, Hawke, and Varric while they waited for class to start. In a hushed but excited tone he whispered: “Did you guys know you can get pornography on the internet now? You don’t need to buy magazines from the shady guy at the corner store and hide it under your mattress!”

“Wha-?” Hawke started, but Sebastian cut him off.

“And it’s free!”

Varric chuckled. “Welcome to the dark side Choir Boy. We’ve got cookies, and porn.”

Fenris gave little thought to the previously prude your-body-is-a-chantry Sebastian’s sexual liberation, or its supposed outlet, at first. 

Then, one day as they were leaving class, Hawke had to go tell him that the reason he asked Anders to the carnival was to ask Anders out, that he had been waiting for ‘the right moment’. Hawke made it sound like a ridiculous thought now. Thank the Maker for Merrill though. Those who have been like lovesick puppies ever since, claiming her tripping, aka Fenris tripping Merrill, into Hawke’s arms, had been ‘fate’.

Fenris realised then he could not stand between Anders and love forever, it would be wrong of him to continue situating himself between Anders and whoever showed romantic interest in him. Kind of like the way he used to squeeze himself between Hawke and Anders on the couch, walk a little closer when a guy at the mall was eyeing Anders, or like he would make sure to not leave Anders alone with Isabela.

The memory of that kiss at the carnival only made it worse; knowing what it felt like, having had that tiny glimpse of his affections returned, only for it to be ripped away...it was torture. No, it could not carry on like this.

Fenris needed to get over it. He needed distraction; release. Besides, with the exception of Anders he’d always figured himself more attracted to women anyway.

That night, Fenris had excused himself early, locked his door, got his headphones and laptop, and opened his browser. A beautiful human woman with an hourglass figure and red hair caught his eye. It had been her hair, her hips and lips he had started to picture in the shower, but the more he lost himself to the pleasure, the shorter and blonder her hair got, blue eyes became amber brown, and a curvy body morphed into a lean, tall body with a dusting of freckles over pale skin, riding him while moaning his name.

It had been difficult reaching that point at first; Danarius had purposefully ordered him not to touch himself. Uncertain hands and old impulses halted it at first, but as the image of Anders flooded his thoughts the movements became natural and the desire rose from the pit of his belly. It had been to the vision of Anders, to his voice at the door that said he couldn’t wait anymore, that Fenris’ climax slammed into him with a pleasure so intense his vision went white and his legs nearly buckled.

But Anders was not his to fantasize over, not his to desire or have.

Fenris felt a deep shame and sadness wash over him as he stared up at the ceiling.

_ Vehendis _ .

______________________________________

Of course the fool mage was now concerned.

He had approached Fenris cautiously, said he was worried, that Fenris had been acting weird lately. Fenris apparently seemed more quiet, distant, and spent more time in his room instead of joining Anders for hot-cocoa-on-the-couch time where they used to sit and chat for hours, or just sit and each read in comfortable companionship.

Anders was also concerned about the long showers Fenris was taking lately - and Fenris totally did not cringe like hell on the inside at that - saying that he read that longer showers and isolating oneself can be a sign of depression. He was worried Fenris was going through some belated grief, especially since he had initially been doing so well after the court date.

“Anders, I assure you there’s nothing to worry about,” Fenris said as he hurriedly grabbed their mugs and made his way to the kitchen.

“But Fenris, I can see you’re not yourself. Is it something I di-di- aaaa-CHOOO!”

Fenris spun around, eyes suspicious and calculating. Anders gave coughed, a terrible rough thing that rattled in his chest.

“Mage, are you sick?”

Anders sniffed and wiped his red nose with a tissue from his pocket. How did Fenris not see this? Was he so wrapped up in his own feelings and denial of said feelings to notice?

“No, now stop changing the subject Fenris! This is not about me, it’s about yo- yo- yooo- a-CHOOO!”

“Yes, you are!” Fenris snapped like a reprimanding parent. “Fool mage, always taking care of others, neglecting yourself,” he grumbled as he collected the the sniffing, protesting mage and herded him towards the couch.

“I’m fine, I don’t need you fussing,” Anders protested, but allowed Fenris to settle him onto the couch and tuck him into the blankets.

“Nonsense, if you can’t take care of yourself, I will,” Fenris said sternly. “Stay here, and I will bring you tea and make you soup.”

Anders grumbled something about stubborn elves and fussy roommates, but snuggled into the cozy couch of bedding and pillows anyway. By the time Fenris returned with some honeyed tea, Anders was already asleep.

______________________________________

“Shhhh, it’s okay. I’m here.”

Fenris was moving his hand over Anders’ back in what he hoped was a soothing motion while his other hand held back Anders’ hair, the mage’s head over the toilet.

The two had been sitting here for quite a while, every time they moved back towards the couch, Anders would gag and rush right back. Fenris had come back from the drug store to find a shivering, feverish, pale mage on the bathroom floor.

“I ca-can’t anymore Fen, my body ha-hates me,” Anders stuttered with a sob, falling back and curling up into Fenris’ lap between his legs, resting a sweaty head on Fenris’ upper thigh. “Save me Fen, I’m dying,” he said with a pout, snuggling against the shocked elf.

Fenris sat frozen still, back arched, as if moving would make Anders move away. Slowly, cautiously, he moved his arm to Anders’ shoulder, the other hand to his clammy head to pat his hair. Anders leaned into the touch, sniffled, and snuggled closer to the heat of Fenris’ body. It was like he was trying to crawl into Fenris’ clothes. And his head was very close to...

Fenris looked to the heavens, beseeching any deity for help.

_ Fasta vass, not this, not now. _

Anders keened and wrapped an arm around Fenris’ thigh like a pillow, cuddling tighter, the back of his head brushing firmly against Fenris’ groin. Fenris’ eyes widened as he felt his already interested cock jump at the close proximity to the object of his desires and fantasies.

“You’re not dying Anders,” Fenris huffed, swallowing thickly and trying to mentally will his body to see that this was a sick man who was simply seeking comfort. “Are you done?” he asked softly, rubbing Anders’ back.

“Mmhmm,” Anders nodded, muffled into Fenris’ hip with a sniff.

“Then come, let’s get you into bed.”

When Anders didn’t move, Fenris sighed and scooped the limp, clingy man into his arms, and made for Anders’ bedroom. Anders just curled up against Fenris’ chest with a hum of approval.

Tucked snuggly into his own bed, Anders reached out and grabbed Fenris’ sleeve as the elf made to move away.

“Dooooon’t,” Anders nagged, eyes closed, with another sniffle.

Fenris looked down at the clammy hand gripped firmly at his sleeve. “Anders,” he said as gently as he could with his gruff voice, “You need to let go now.”

“Nooo,” Anders interrupted himself with a bad wet cough. “Don’t, g-go Fen. M’dying.”

“It’s okay, I told you, you’re not dying. I’m just going to fetch your soup and box of tissues.”

“M’kay,” Anders whispered, then almost immediately started snoring softly. His grip remained. Fenris smiled at the dozing man, and carefully pried his fingers off. He gently placed his hand on Anders’ forehead, which was clammy and hot to the touch. Fenris frowned, he didn’t like his mage suffering.

_ His mage? Where the hell did that come from. Get a hold of yourself you idiot! Fasta vass... he's sick, vulnerable and clingy, not confessing his everlasting love, keep it in your pants!  _

Fenris shook the thought from his head and quietly left the room.

______________________________________

“Fenris?” Anders said weakly with a cough. Fenris was tucking him back in after helping him eat some soup so he could take his medicine. It was day two of Sick Anders Watch.

“Yes?” Fenris made sure to pull the blankets up to his chin, and on a whim gently dragged his finger across Anders’ forehead and tucked the hair that had stuck onto the sweaty, heated skin behind his ear.

“Happy anniversary.”

Fenris paused, two fingers still on Anders’ ear. “What?”

Anders leaned into the touch a bit, hazy but beautiful amber-brown eyes connecting with his. “It was today, a year ago, that you moved in. One year. Happy anniversary.” Anders gave him a weak smile through lowered lashes. “I was going to bake you a cake, but now- aa-CHOO!”

Fenris felt his chest tighten.  _ A year. Has it really been that long? _

A year ago he was broken, frightened, and homeless. Today, he was a free man with friends, a roommate, a home, a full scholarship, hopes and dreams – all things he would never have thought he would ever have.  

And it was all thanks to this man, this sniffling, wheezing, sweaty, clingy man with his big heart and kind eyes in that ridiculous shirt he got at Pride the year before that read: “Kitties Before Titties”.

Fenris smiled back. “Happy anniversary Anders.” He slipped his fingers away from Anders ear, leaned in, and placed chaste kiss on a warm, clammy forehead. Anders just smiled and hummed in approval, leaning into the touch.

_________________________

Anders felt like he was dying. His head hurt, his chest hurt, his sinuses hurt… everything hurt! He rarely ever got sick, but he knew when he did he turned into a big baby. Usually he’d just keep going to work and be miserable till he was sent home, then come home and be miserable on the couch till not even Pounce wanted to be in the same room with him.

But this time was different. 

He was tucked into his bed, clean sheets and extra bedding made him feel cozy and comfortable. He peeked open bleary eyes to see a bedside table, everything he might need neatly within reach, water, his favourite green tea, medicine, and tissues. The fact that it was tidy and not just a mountain of used tissues was the first sign he wasn’t alone. 

He turned his head to see a familiar mop of white hair. Fenris had fallen asleep in the chair next to his bed, his book nearly falling out of his lap where he slouched in place. Anders looked around the room to see that Fenris had tidied up, changed his bedding, and made him soup. 

Suddenly his eyes felt wet and warm. 

Without thinking, Anders reached out and took Fenris’ hand in his. Fenris jolted awake, his book dropping to the ground with a thud.

“Sorry, didn’t mean to startle you,” Anders says softly with an apologetic smile. 

Fenris’ big forest green eyes met his, then looked down at their joined hands. After a moment’s silence, just as Anders was starting to come to his senses about holding hands with his best friend he felt Fenris squeeze his hand. 

“That’s okay.” Fenris said, swallowing thickly. “How are you feeling?”

Perhaps it was the genuineness in Fenris’ voice, the care in his tone and the gentle but firm grip he kept on Anders’ hand. Or possibly the dehydration, fever, and all the medication. Either way Anders felt his eyes swell and tears spill, his bottom lip quivering as he tried to smile. “Better now.”

“Anders?” Fenris was startled by the sudden tears. Anders could see Fenris was frantically searching for a cause and way to fix it. Not trusting his voice, Anders just opened his arms. Fenris quickly moved to sit besides Anders on the bed, wanting to calm Anders, allowing himself to be wrapped up like a teddy bear in the mage’s arms. 

“Hey, shhhh, it’s okay,” Fenris soothed, cautious fingers carding through silken, golden hair. “Shhh please don’t cry, I’m here.”

“You really are here,” Anders sobbed with a hickup into Fenris’ chest. “You didn’t leave me alone, you stayed.”

“Of course I did? Why wouldn’t I.”

“Oh Fenris,” another sob and a sniffle as Anders pressed himself tightly against Fenris. “What did I do to deserve you?”

Part of Anders’ mind was wondering why the prickly elf, who usually avoided physical touch, was not pushing him away for his sudden cuddle-attack. A larger part of his mind was overwhelmed. 

“Don’t be foolish, Anders. I am doing nothing you would not do for me. You always give too much of yourself, care too much for others. It is time someone takes care of you.”

“... No one has ever taken care of me before.” Anders’ voice was small and shaky. “It’s so nice.” He could feel the wetness forming on Fenris’ shoulder where he pressed his face, nuzzled into the elf. “Besides Justine, no one has ever stuck it out with me for so long - and I’m not even sure she likes me.”

“Of course she does, we all like you. You are a good man, Anders. You… You deserve someone who cares about you, who makes you happy. You deserve good things.”

“Oh Fenris. My sweet, sweet Fenris.” Anders sniffed and clung to Fenris, his body surprisingly lean and strong, but also warm and comforting in his arms, his hands gentle and tender in their touch. 

Anders felt something in his soul heal that he never realised was broken all this time. To have someone care for you, support you, stay with you… It was something he never knew he needed, and now he never wanted to go without it ever again. 

“Sleep mage, you shall feel better once you are rested.”

“You’ll stay?”

“For as long as you wish me to.”

“You’re amazing Fen. What would I do without you?”

He felt a low rumbling chuckle in Fenris’ chest. “Probably be passed out on the couch, scaring Pounce with your coughing, and watching ‘The Bachelor’ reruns.”

“Mmm, you know me so well,” Anders slurred, a lazy smile on his face as his eyes started to close. He turned his head slightly and placed a kiss on Fenris’ chest over his heart. “G’nite my Fen-bear.”

Anders was already dozing, the fade drawing him in when he heard a soft but rough voice whisper into his hair, as if not meant for him to hear. 

_ “A year ago, you made a promise that I would be safe, that you would let no harm come to me, that everything will be okay. You kept that promise. I promise I shall for you and stay with you, for as long as you will let me.” _

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FIC REC TIME!   
> *does a spicy shimmy*
> 
> \- [ Message Failed to Send ](http://archiveofourown.org/works/4860029/chapters/11137379) by [ Pixievhenan ](http://archiveofourown.org/users/pixievhenan/pseuds/pixievhenan)  
> 'Anders' has a horrendous sense of direction. OF COURSE he would end up in the middle of the woods with no network coverage, in the biggest storm in years and looking right into the eyes of a massive white wolf.' (Look, I know you've read the Fenders fic where Anders is a vet lost in a storm and Fenris is the mysterious mountain man with a big wolf and a cabin, but, just, go read it again!)
> 
> \- [ Hawke : Couple Therapist Extraordinaire ](http://archiveofourown.org/works/5876938/chapters/13544014) by [ Creepikat ](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Creepikat/pseuds/Creepikat)  
> 'Fenris and Anders argue a lot, often, about everything. It had become casual for them, normal, and they don't realise how it pisses off everyone till Garrett Hawke cracks and put them through a 30 days relationship challenges trial.' (it's funny, it's sweet, and its roommate Fenders!)
> 
> Ps: In the next chapter.... What will be Fenris' wish on his 21st birthday?


	12. The Birthday Wish

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> BUCKLE DOWN KIDS THIS IS A BIG ONE!
> 
> Okay, so this is a big chapter. Lots of shit happens. It's cool, just be cool. It's all one event so I didn't want to split it, and it's a very important chapter, so bear with me. There's a little birthday gift to you all at the end ;)
> 
> Thank you to te lovely [ Social Deception ](http://archiveofourown.org/users/SocialDeception/pseuds/SocialDeception) for being my Gandalf.

_13 Months after The Call_

_____________________________

Anders’ fever had broken by the following morning.

By the time Fenris woke it was near noon, Anders’ tall body curled around Fenris’, spooning the smaller elf. Fenris couldn’t remember a night he had slept this well, or felt so safe and comfortable. The feeling of being needed, being touched so tenderly, being appreciated so deeply it... made him feel amazing - he couldn’t quite explain it. Still, he sneaked out the bed before Anders woke up, not sure how a clear-minded Anders would feel about spooning his roommate, and not sure how he felt about it himself.

As the days passed, despite the high his heart had felt during, Fenris felt lost ever since that weekend.

His feelings, emotions, and thoughts were a mess. He had trouble concentrating on his work, felt an intense dislike leaving for class, and found himself questioning the simplest things like his choice of clothes in the morning. He didn’t like it, and he didn’t know what to do with it.

He had to resist first his instinct, which was to isolate himself, to push everyone away until the discomfort subsided and he had regained full control over his thoughts and emotions. But even though the man had been asleep at the time, Fenris had promised Anders he would not push him away, but support and care for him - and he was not one to take promises lightly. A year ago he held onto Anders’ promise as his only lifeline when his world was turned to chaos, and now it was his turn to repay his debt.

Not that it was easy.

Tomorrow was his 21st birthday, and the crew insisted on making a big deal of it. Especially Anders

“You’re 21st Fen! That’s a big deal!” Anders nagged for what felt like the 100th time this week. Fenris was trying hard to ignore the childishly pouting doctor next to him and instead focus on watching this weeks’ Master Mage on TV. This week contestants were shown a new spectacular spell that they had to try and recreate in 45 minutes.

“It is no different than my 20st or 22nd, Anders. I do not understand the significance of this particular birthday.”

“Oh, don’t be such a pooper. It’s a big birthday, like your 16th or your 50th.”

“Mage…” Fenris said with a sigh.

“Okay how’s this, Friday night we’ll allow the crew to get whatever they have planned out of their system, then on your birthday on Saturday we can do whatever you want to the whole day!”

“... Whatever I want?”

“Whatever you want. The whole day. Name it!” Anders gave a wide grin, seeing a crack in Fenris’ stoic resolve as he considered it. “What would you like?”

Fenris hit mute on the remote and thought about it. Whatever he wanted. What did he want? What did he like?

He liked spending time with Anders. But he didn’t like groups or crowds, he even quickly grew weary of their little crew’s loud, energetic presence. He wanted to do something relaxed, but fun, without any competition for the mage’s time and attention.

Could he really ask for what he wanted?

“I… want to spend the day with you.”

“... Just us?”

“Is…” Fenris swallowed, suddenly unsure of himself. “Is that a problem?”

“No!”

_Was that a hint of pink in the mage’s cheeks?_

“Maker, no,” Anders continued. “Of course not. I-ah, wha-what did you want to do?”

“I’m not sure. I don’t really mind.”

“Hmm,” Anders tapped his stubbled jaw thoughtfully with eyes narrowed, an expression much like Pounce’s when he particularly liked a scratch under the chin. “I think I might have some ideas. Will you trust me?”

“Do you I have a choice?”

“Not really,” Anders smiled brightly at him, bouncing on his toes like he did when he was particularly excited.

Fenris smiled back, he couldn’t help it, and gave a dramatic sigh. “Very well then. I trust you Anders.”

“Yay!”

Fenris watched as the man, tall and educated as he is, bounced around and chased the cat out the room, speaking excitedly with the furry beast about his plans. Fenris felt a deep happiness and belonging to have Anders so joyful to do something for him, just for Fenris.

_____________________________

The Friday night ended up being one of the craziest nights of Fenris’ life. No consensus could be reached on what they should do, so Anders decided to keep the peace by suggesting they pair up and each get one hour to have everyone do their activity of choice.

It started with Varric and Justine taking them to a fancy cigar bar, where they had a private room reserved and played a few rounds of wicked grace while sipping expensive whisky, courtesy of Varric. Bela had leered at Fenris, who was looking especially handsome in a new tight black dress shirt and fitted grey trousers. It had been a gift from the ever-stylish Justine. Fenris had protested and snarled at Anders and Justine playing dress up with him earlier, but even he had to admit he looked good. He also may or may not have preened a little under the looks he got from Anders in it.

The second event of the evening was laser tag, the choice of Aveline and Donnic. The officer and their newest recruit lead their crew in a slaughter of the opposing team, a group of snotty prepubescent boys. Usually they would’ve mixed the two teams, even the playing field, but this particular group of hairless little dicks who called themselves ‘The Tevinter Templars’, refused.

Fenris and Anders had never felt such satisfaction from making 12 year old boys cry. Each had their own reasons, but a sly grin exchanged confirmed that they knew why the other was enjoying it so.

Their team only had one point against them - Anders, who got hit by a headshot. In his defence, Fenris looked really, really hot in his new shirt, sleeves rolled up to above his elbows showing off his toned forearms, the way the material shifted over his strong back as he moved, and the way his easy smile and flushed skin lit up his already bright green eyes. Anders stood, staring, lost in the moment appreciating the beauty and power of his gorgeous elven best friend...till he was rewarded with a shot right between his eyes, quickly pulling him from his daydreaming.

The final score was ‘The Tevinter Templars’: 1, ‘Aveline and her bitches’: 47. Isabela was in charge of registering their name.

Merrill and Isabela took them for an art class. With a nude model. Naturally.

What was even more surprising was that said nude model was none other than the former Andraste-is-watching choir boy, Sebastian, who was apparently enjoying his sexual liberation with gusto.

A furiously blushing Aveline had refused to look upon her old classmate’s naked form, while Bela filled her entire canvass just with his ‘manly bits’. Merrill had concentrated so hard on creating a perfect likeness her eye started twitching, and Hawke gave up and painted stick figures of him killing a dragon and what looked like a princess-Merrill kissing him.  

When Sebastian found out it was Fenris’ birthday, he offered Fenris a private portrait session, which Fenris tried his best to turn down as politely as he could, much to a giggly Anders’ delight.

The last stop of the evening was pizza’s on the house, made by the champion of Amell’s Pizza, Hawke. Which was basically taking all the fresh ingredients they couldn’t leave for the next day and putting it on pizzas with piles of cheese. Not that anyone complained! Amell’s Pizza had certainly earned their reputation of the best pizza in Kirkwall.

“Oh sweet thing,” Isabela cooed at Fenris. “You have a little something-” she gestured to her chin while looking at his. “Here, let me…”

Just as Bela made a show of licking her thumb and began to lean over the table, Anders nearly knocked over his strawberry milkshake as he grabbed a napkin and intercepted her with a rushed: “I got it!”

Fenris fought hard to keep down the blush as his best friend and roommate ran a napkin-covered thumb over his chin and bottom-lip. He looked over Anders’ shoulder to see Bela give him a thumbs-up and a wink.

_____________________________

“Haaaaaa-ppy birthday to you!”

“Miaauw.”

“Happy birthday to you!”

“Mrrrrp!”

“Happy birthday dearest Fen-Fen!”

“Miaauw?”

“Happy birthday to you!”

“ _Hissss!_ ”

The hiss was from Fenris. For all his punctuality and diligence, Fenris did not like being woken up early on a Saturday morning. He snarled at the offending sunlight spilling into his room where Anders had pulled open the curtains, and blinked narrowed eyes at the tall man standing over his bed with a cupcake and a single candle. Ser Pounce was kneading at his chest.

“It’s your birthday Fenris! The big 2-1!” Anders beamed at him, seemingly not noticing the glowering. “I may or may not have gotten up early to bake you cupcakes. This may or may not be the only one that didn’t burn… Or get eaten… By Pounce.  Also, completely unrelated, don’t go into the kitchen.”

Fenris blinked a few times and took the cupcake on the saucer handed to him. It had green icing, and a very rough likeness to that one muppet that was always grumpy and lived in the trash.

“It’s Oscar the Grouch! He made me think of you, because, well, Broody. And it’s apple flavoured! You love apples.” Anders smiled proudly. “Blow out the candle and make a wish!”

A smile slowly made its way onto Fenris’ face. This silly, kind, sweet mage. No one had ever baked something just for him. It was ridiculous and hideous, but made with so much love and care. It was so Anders. He loved it.

He bit his bottom lip to keep a chuckle from bubbling over. Closing his eyes he thought of a wish, a birthday wish, and just the idea of it had his heart skipping a beat.

Then he blew out the candle.

_____________________________

Fenris had just returned from the bathroom to the movie ticket counter when he saw him, the man in stylish clothes, and well groomed hair and mustache flirting with Anders. Fenris tried to keep his distance, giving them some space as it was clear the other man was very invested in their exchange, the man laughing at something Anders had said, brushing his hand over Anders’ arm.

Fenris felt sick.

The man was handsome, clearly well off, human, charming, and confident, and made Anders smile - things Fenris could only ever wish for, but never have. But this was the best for Anders, letting him be happy. Fenris was the best friend, the one who was there when he was sick and supported him and listened about his new boyf- … Fenris couldn’t get himself to finish the thought.

Anders turned and noticed Fenris had returned. He smiled warmly and turned to bid the man farewell, but not before the stranger wrote something on a piece of paper and handed it to Anders, a phone number no doubt. Fenris’ felt his jaw clench in anger at the feelings he had no right to be feeling.

Anders stuck both hands in his pockets as he walked to the counter where Fenris stood. Fenris couldn’t get himself to return the smile Anders wore, so instead he gestured to the posters. “So, which do you want to watch?”

Anders shot a look over his shoulder as the stranger exited the building, then subtly pulled his hand out of his pocket and tossed the small piece of paper in a bin in the corner.

“Uuhh, I dunno. Why don’t you pick this time, Fen? It’s your birthday after all, and you always make me choose, and I always pick something with talking animals or dinosaurs!” Anders chuckled.

Fenris stood frozen. _Did, did Anders just throw away that guy’s number? Why?_

“I-ah, I have no preference.” Fenris said slowly. “It is your choice, I shall be happy with whatever you decide.” Anders had no idea how closely those words struck Fenris.

Anders gave him a long, thoughtful look, a smile still playing at the corners of his lips.

“You are a free man, Fenris, have been for 13 months now. Part of that is having your own likes and dislikes. Surely you must know what you’d prefer, even if you pretend not to. So, what do you want?”

One word, as clear as a bell, rang in Fenris’ mind.

_You._

Fenris had to restrain his lips from letting the word slip. Instead he turned back to the counter.

“Two tickets for the Ice Age movie please.”

He knew Anders would love it. _It had a talking sabre cat._

_______________________________

The movie was good, but Anders’ laughter and excitement was better. Fenris couldn’t help the fluttering in his chest every time their fingers brushed in the popcorn box, sending fiery jolts through him. Anders’ tangible happiness when he retold him the story they just watched together while driving just made him smile fondly.

The next activity is one he should’ve guessed Anders would come up with. They were to go to the local cat shelter and play with the kittens. Anders had a whole explanation, something about determining their temperaments and how they relate to strangers for their adoption profiles, but Fenris knew the truth. Anders hadn’t worn his ‘Kitties Before Titties’ shirt under his sweater today for nothing. He wanted to play with the kittens.

Almost as soon as he sat down in the kitten’s play room, Anders was enveloped in a mountain of furry little demons, all vying for his attention.

Fenris looked down where he stood in the corner at a shy little kitten hiding behind a chair, looking on at the competing kittens with big, longing eyes.

Fenris gave a small smile and gently sat down next to it. “I know how you feel little guy,” he said softly. It took some patience and soft words, but eventually Fenris managed to coax the fluffy little black kitten out of his hiding spot and onto his lap. He spent the full hour playing only with her, ending with a belly rub that lead to a purring, sleepy kitten all but passing out against him.

He gave the kitten a glowing recommendation for adoption. The girl who worked there smiled and said with it she’s sure the kitten will be adopted soon, making Fenris feel relieved.

_____________________________

Kirkwall’s pier was a popular spot. It had food trucks, a park along the promenade, and a ferris wheel at the end near the docks from where one could see the entire Kirkwall.

Anders bought them each an ice cream, salted caramel for Fenris, bubblegum for Anders. They walked slowly along the footpath in comfortable silence, watching the waves crash on the rocks and families with kids playing on the grass.

“Did you ever want that?” Anders asked, eyes on the qunari picking up his son and throwing him in the air, the child’s laughter filling the air. “Kids, wife, the whole shebang?”

Fenris eyed him curiously. “I am not sure. I’ve never given it much thought. Elves in Tevinter are not encouraged to dream or be family orientated, but rather focus on supporting their master’s household.”

“But now?”

“I don’t know.” _I don’t really see myself with a wife, I see myself with a kind-hearted blond doctor._ “How about you?”

“Kids in orphanages and at the Gallows don’t dare fall in love. We were taught that we were troublesome, unwanted. I thought no one would ever care for me, so why care for others, you know?”

Fenris thought back at his own childhood. Slaves and lower class children rarely thought of love and marriage. It was something left up to masters, to decide an ideal mate for breeding purposes, or even to decide you shall remain single as to not be distracted from one’s chores. Even with Danarius it was duty, not devotion.

“I… think I understand.” Fenris said thoughtfully. “Even so, it is my opinion that such thoughts may seem distant, but the right company might elicit some unexpected desires in just about any man or woman.”

Anders chuckled, a warm and happy sound. “Can’t we have one casual chat without you getting all philosophical on me?” he teased.

Fenris tended to do that all the more lately. A new sort of intellectual freedom that made him question and examine everything in excruciating detail, often annoying friends, classmates, and professors in the process.

“Forgive me for wanting to wholly understand my best friend’s thoughts and desires,” Fenris said with mock offense, earning him a laugh and playful shove from Anders, a shove that accidentally knocked him off balance, making him land on his butt on the grass.

Fenris huffed and raised and eyebrow at Anders who was looking very apologetic. “Was that supposed to stop me? I can ponder the great questions of the universe from down here just as much, Anders.”

“Oh shut it, you ass!” Anders rolled his eyes, but his lips couldn’t hide the smile that grew. “Before I leave you to ponder the great questions of _my ass_ as I’m walking away leaving _your pretentious ass_ right here in the dirt.”

Anders put out his hand to help Fenris up. Fenris spared a glance at the offered hand, the elegant fingers and warm open palm, so inviting. He turned his head to hide the tint of pink in his cheeks as he took Anders’ hand and allowed him to help pull him to his feet.

Only, once he was up, Anders didn’t let go.

Anders kept their hands linked as he took his place next to Fenris while walking. A side glance told Fenris Anders was blushing furiously.

Fenris could feel his own heart racing in his chest. What did this mean? A friendly brotherly hand holding? Was that a Southern thing? There was one way to find out.

Slowly, carefully, giving enough room to pull away, Fenris turned his hand and allowed their fingers to lace together… a gesture Ander’s graceful, long fingers immediately and eagerly reacted to.

“So I heard one of the philosophy professors snapped and threw a stapler at a student,” Anders commented calmly, despite his voice being higher pitched than it normally was. “That wasn’t you, was it? Maker knows how you love to argue with the professors.”

And so it went, comfortable conversation that seemed to completely ignore the fact that they were holding hands. Warm, soft hands holding on to one another a little tighter than was necessary.

“So,” Fenris began as they walked at a slow pace, unhurried, towards the opposite end of the promenade. In the distance he could see the lights of the ferri wheel being switched on. “You never really answered my question.”

“I- ah,” Anders ducked his head shy. “I never used to.”

“Used to?”

“Yeah, I… I could never quite imagine myself with anyone for the long haul. I mean, I wanted Karl, but I when I pictured my future, he was strangely never there. But now…” Anders gave Fenris a sideways glance. His eyes questioning while a blush spread over his elegant nose and cheeks. “That has changed.”

“Oh…” _Anders has someone in mind. It was clear as day_ . It stung, it burned like a hot knife to the chest. “That is good, then.” He said, trying to reel in the pain in his voice. He carefully extracted his fingers from Anders’ hand with the excuse to throw some kids’ ball back at them, tucking them into his pockets. _This is good, right? Anders being happy with someone._

“I’m glad you think so,” Anders said as he smiled softly at Fenris before he ducked his head again and tucked a strand of hair behind his ear.

The rest of the walk was quiet, but less comfortable. Anders seemed distracted, chewing at the corner of his lip, while Fenris was struggling with his feelings of jealousy, inadequacy, and anger at himself for feeling these things. It wasn’t until his sneakers hit the worn wood of the pier that he realised it was dark.

“I’d ask if you’d like to share a carriage with me,” Anders said, looking longingly at the ferris wheel shining like a beacon in the night. “But I know how you feel about heights.” Anders gave him a gentle smile.

Fenris cringed on the inside. _That_ was a day he’d rather forget, Aveline and Donnic dragging them out to go mountain climbing and abseiling. Fenris had froze halfway after a quick glance down at the safe ground far below, and stuck to the side of the cliff like a clam.

Still, the idea that Anders had wanted to share a very small, very intimate carriage with him on a very romantic ferris wheel was… It gave his chest this strange fluttery feeling.

“Are we going to get something to eat?” Fenris asked, eager to change the subject as he surveyed the colourful food trucks in the lit up pier.

“Sure,” Anders said. “I just have to run to the loo real quick.”

Fenris nodded and took a seat on a bench nearby while he waited for Anders and watched the people and food trucks.

“Urgh, Orlesians.” Fenris muttered, his words mirrored in time with another voice’s. He turned to see a young woman, and elf, turn surprised eyes to him too, seemingly just as startled by their synchronised groan. She giggled, he smiled.

For a while they sat in silence, until she gestured at a truck close to them, the entire menu made up of variations and combinations of cheese and meats.

“If that truck was any more Ferelden each order would come with a mabari.” Fenris couldn’t help the chuckle that rumbled from him.

Another silence, until Fenris added with a head gesture to one truck: “If that truck was any more Tevinter they’d be flipping the burgers with blood magic.”

“Or elves controlled by blood magic,” she said. Her eyes shone when she turned to smile at him. “Ellana.”

“Fenris,” he responded with a slight inclination of his head.

The two watched the people in comfortable silence, mumbling a comment to the other every now and then. The Free Marches truck decided to turn up his music, and before long a dance floor took shape on the smooth wood of the pier between his truck and the one across. People laughed and danced and strangers became friends, elves, humans, and dwarves alike. This is what Fenris had hoped for when he initially came to the South, this equality and carefree acception. It was beautiful.

“So, Fenris,” Ellana said with a smile in her voice, her bright blue eyes meeting Fenris’ again. “Would you care to dance with me?”

Fenris was about to kindly decline her offer when a harsh throat clearing pulled their attention to a bristled Anders who was tensely stepping up to them, eyes set sharply on Ellana.  

Anders moved to stand close to Fenris, closer than was strictly necessary as he quickly said: “I’m afraid he’s taken.”

“He’s what?” Ellana said, just as Fenris sputtered out a “I’m what?”

Ellana looked embarrassed, Fenris shocked, and Anders like he’d been smacked in the face by wet sock.

“I- I-, what I mean-, he-” Anders stuttered at Fenris’ big, disbelieving eyes. “Wha-what I meant was- this dance, is taken.” Anders seemed to ease a bit at that. “So, if you’ll excuse us.”

Anders turned determinedly to Fenris and held out his hand, his eyes so full of pleading hope it hurt Fenris’ heart just to see it. “Shall we, Fenris?”

There was a moment, where Fenris just stood frozen on the spot. He looked into those big, kind amber-brown eyes fixed intently on him, that gentle healer’s hand held out to him with a slight shiver of nervousness.

“Of course,” Fenris finally said with a smile, placing his hand in Anders’. At the gesture, Anders beamed a smile at him, not giving Ellana even a second glance as he lead Fenris to the dance floor.  

The fry cook of the truck, a big qunari with bull-like horns, grinned at the two men joining the collection of about 12 couples dancing. He fidgeted with the cd player for a moment, then the next song came on.

_‘When your legs don’t work like they used to before… And I can’t sweep you off of your feet.’_

Fenris felt his heart pounding as Anders led him by the hand to the centre of the dance floor. All around were people laughing and dancing, all being lulled into the soothing sounds of the song.

Anders came to stand in front of him, fingers twitching slightly. “May I?” he asked softly as one hand reached towards Fenris’ waist and the other was offered palm up.

This was all so strange to Fenris. Anders had asked him, a man, to dance, yet as Fenris cautiously nodded and felt the warmth of Anders’ hand on his middle and placed his hand in Anders’ - it felt like the most natural thing in the world.

Allowing his body to be lead, he took a deep breath and looked up into Anders’ eyes. Eyes that were bright and shy and confident all at once. Eyes that smiled and asked, never demanded or degraded.

Anders smiled kindly then mouthed ‘ready?’. Fenris ignored the tight fluttering in his chest as he nodded, and Anders lead him.  

_‘Darling I will be loving you till we’re 70. But baby my heart can still fall as hard at 23’_

They moved in unison, fluid and smoothly to the gentle rhythm of the music. Anders stepped away then pulled Fenris back to him, this time holding him a bit closer. Fenris felt the warmth of Anders’ tall frame so close to his, felt his hot breath somewhat uneven over soft, white hair on the tip of a pointed ear that quivered at the sensation.

_‘People fall in love in mysterious ways. Maybe just the touch of a hand.’_

Fenris felt his body melt with Anders’, heat moving between thin t-shirt material and the inch between. Anders’ hand moved to Fenris’ lower back as they swayed to the music and Fenris knew Anders was losing himself as much as he was. Both losing themselves to the smooth music, the gentle lighting, the soft chatter and laughter of people floating past.

Fenris’ hand on Anders’ shoulder moved on its own, sliding palms-down over a toned shoulder up to the warm skin of his neck. Fenris heard Anders’ breathing stutter over his ear as skin touched skin. Fenris’ lips parted, emerald eyes closing to give over to other senses.

_‘We found love right where we are…’_

Anders lead Fenris from his arms then looped their linked arms around him, pulling Fenris’ back flush against his chest.

“Maker Fenris… You don’t know what you do to me.”

He did. By Andraste’s pearly white bosom he did because he felt it too. He leaned his head slightly against Anders’ which was turned to him, a shapely nose running over the shell of his ear, hot breath ghosting over the sensitive skin of his neck.

“Anders…”

_‘Your soul will never grow old it’s evergreen.’_

Fenris was led from Anders’ arms then pulled back, his chest to Anders’, feeling the mage’s heart echo his own racing beats. The sudden sensation made his eyes flutter open. This was real, this was no dream, this really was Anders holding him close, swaying their bodies together to the music.

_‘Honey your smile’s forever in my mind and memory!’_

He slowly looked up, cheek grazing against the stubble on Anders’ jaw. Amber-brown eyes glittering like gold as they tenderly smiled down at him.

_‘Baby now, take me into your loving arms - kiss me under the light of a thousands stars, oh darling - place your hand on my beating heart.’_

The beautiful gaze of gold trailed down to Fenris’ lips and darkened, deepened. Fenris knew there was an answering heat in his eyes, a sudden hitch in his breath Anders couldn’t miss with their chests to hips flush together.

All else drowned out but those eyes on his lips, because he could see Anders follow the spark of desire. A long, elegant neck tilting, nose brushing against the tip of his, lips moving until he could feel the sweet breath on his own lips which almost trembled with anticipation of finally getting to taste, to feel, to claim, what he had imagined and dreamed of for so long.

The hand on Anders’ shoulder bunched up the material of his shirt in a fist, subconsciously dragging Anders closer, closer to what Fenris now felt he needed like air, his soft, pink parted lips offering Fenris an oasis in the desert. And Fenris wanted, oh how he wanted…

Emerald green eyes slipped closed as a strong nose strokes over his and he could just about feel the brush of those beautiful lips… when they were both suddenly and forcibly thrown back into Thedas from whatever dreamworld they had been floating in.

Clapping, loud clapping and cheering from all around as a nimble elven women spun her dwarven dance partner, picked her up and twirled her. Then, to even louder cheers, the elf dipped her low over a bent knee and kissed the blushing dwarf full on the mouth much to the crowd’s delight.

Anders coughed awkwardly and stepped away from Fenris to join in the applause and light mood of the small crowd… but all Fenris could think is _no no no no no no! I was so close, we were so close!_

Fenris had to bite the inside of his cheek to keep from growling in frustration. He reluctantly stepped back as well, clapping along with the people who suddenly seemed neither as appealing or friendly as they did earlier the evening. He spotted Ellana giving him a sympathetic, knowing smile. He had to resist the urge to roll his eyes and kick over a dustbin and throw hot dogs at old people cheering.

Eventually the cheers and laughter died down, the music was turned back into background ambience, and people resumed their perusing of the food trucks.

“So, uhm…” Anders cleared his throat and shuffled his feet, eyes on the ground. “We should probably grab something to eat, then head on home?”

And just like that all the air and fight left Fenris. _Anders had come to his senses, he was putting distance between them, he wanted to go home - for this to be over._

“Err, yeah, sure.”

Fenris mostly kept his head down, giving short answers. The conversation didn’t flow, and the air was tense and uncomfortable as they ate in silence and drove home.

Fenris kept his unfocused eyes on the window. The radio drowned out by the sound of the wipers going back and forth, Anders making some vague muttered comment about the drizzle that suddenly started, to which Fenris just hummed in agreement. He watched the pavement glittering the lamplights in the rain, but all he could see was golden-brown eyes sparkling, and all he could feel was warm breath on his lips - a ghost of what could’ve been.

_____________________________

Fenris stepped into the apartment, the drizzle of rain having turned into a full shower on the ride home. He dropped the keys into the bowl by the door and took off his jacket to hang on the hook by the door He waited for Anders to turn on the light, the apartment only lit up by the streetlamps’ light spilling in from below, giving the apartment an otherworldly glow.

Behind him he heard the door close and lock, and he waited for the light that never came, but not thinking much of it until…

… he was suddenly pinned to the door and warm, soft lips were on his.

It took him a moment to register everything.

_Anders. Lips. Kissing. He’s kissing me. Right now. Holy fuck._

He dropped his jacket on the floor, eyes closing to mirror Anders’ as he returned the kiss with fervor.

Anders moaned into the kiss as Fenris moved his lips to kiss back and _Oh Maker._ Anders’ lips were as soft and sweet as he dreamt, but passionate in their brush against his.

Hands moved along his neck and into his hair, holding him close as a tall, warm body pressed his firmly against the door, hip to chest.

Nothing but the patter of rain on the windows and taste of Anders… Fenris felt his stomach flip as he realised Anders _does_ taste like hot chocolate! Sweet chocolate and green tea and… desire.

Fenris drops his hands on slim hips and pulled them close. He suppressed a low growl, barely, that he wasn’t sure he understood. His lips move over to gently kiss and suck on that beautiful, pouty bottom lip he has fantasised about so often.

The long fingers in his hair tilted his head just enough to the side to deepen the kiss, a delicious moan escaping Anders as Fenris felt a questioning tongue tracing his bottom lip and parted them.

Suddenly Anders pulled away, but only enough to rest his forehead against Fenris’, fingers still in his hair, hips still pressed against Fenris’ where Fenris almost imagined he felt an answering heat.

“Tell me you want this,” Anders said breathless, his eyes closed. “Tell me you want this as much as I do.”

“More.”

Lips responded as Anders let slip a soft whine and kissed Fenris deeply yet again.

The kiss grew in passion and intensity, Fenris felt his control fraying as sure as he knew Anders could feel the growing hardness against his hip. Fenris gave an experimental roll of his hips, feeling an answering bulge and a low moan. Fenris used the opportunity to slip his tongue over that delicious, bottom lip. His whole body shuddered with excitement as his tongue moved over Anders’, tasting, wanting, inviting.

For a while they just stood there, bodies pushed hard together, lips and tongue exploring and revelling in the growing heat and need as hands pulled at hips and shirts.

“Please,” Anders whispered breathily. “Please Fen, let- let me taste you, please?”

Fenris couldn’t believe his ears, couldn’t trust his lips, so he just nodded and swallowed thickly.

Anders whined as he kissed Fenris deeply again, lips moving on to caress his jaw to his neck. Teeth scraped over the sensitive skin below Fenris’ ear and he shuddered, biting his bottom lip to stop the moan.

“No,” Anders said softly, a thumb gently pulling Fenris’ bottom lip from between his teeth. “You’re safe here, it’s just me, let me hear you…”

Graceful, warm hands slipped under Fenris’ black t-shirt and ran up over his abdomen to his chest, pulling it up. Anders tilted his head and planted one last soft, wet kiss on his neck before moving down, lips trailing and kissing down as he went.

Fenris’ breath hitched as teeth carefully scraped over a hardened nipple, causing his back to arch impulsively. Anders followed it with a hard, slow drag of his tongue, eyes flickering closed.

Fenris, breath getting harsher and ears redder, watched as Anders lost himself in worshiping Fenris’ body like it is somehow an incredibly valuable thing. Fenris was mesmerized by this, watching intently as Anders, eyes closed, slowly kissed down his chest and over his abdomen. The muscles around his navel jumped and twitched as a deft pink tongue dips into the little dent, and moves lower. Fenris didn’t even notice Anders unbuttoning his jeans until he was slowly pulling them down.

Tender fingers pull down his underwear, freeing his now rock-hard shaft and balls. The dim lighting in the apartment illuminated his olive skin and the leaking head.

Fenris was suddenly struck by a wave of self-consciousness, _why is he so quiet? Am I too small? Is it now what he expected? Maker, this was a mistake, why is he staring…_ Only to have those fears pushed aside as Anders’ took a sharp breath, reaching out slowly to run the pad of his finger down the full length of him in what seemed like wonder.

Fingertips circled the thick base and trail up on the other side, letting one glide along the swollen, leaking head. Anders leaned forward so Fenris could feel his warm breath on his exposed, sensitive skin. He angled the head at him, then slowly, oh Maker so slowly, ran his tongue over the slit to lick up the drops of precum that accumulated there, his eyes shut and expression like he was savoring the most delectable thing he’d ever tasted. A low, hungry groan rumbled from Anders’ chest, as Fenris’ tightened almost painfully at the sight.

Fenris shuddered and had to grab onto Anders’ shoulders to keep his knees from giving out. That had been the single most erotic thing he’d ever seen, and this was only the beginning! _Would this be it? Just the one night, some hot making out and a blowjob then that’s it? Was this some strange Southern birthday thing? Maker I hope not…_ Fenris already knew then he couldn’t live without it, Anders’ lips on his, holding his tall, toned, warm body close.

Fenris’ thoughts came to a screeching halt as he was suddenly enveloped by a wet, hot mouth.

“Ahhh- Anders!” Fenris gasped.

“Mmmmhmmm…” Anders just moaned around him, the vibrations feeling incredible around his cock.

Fenris was panting now, watching spellbound as Anders, in slow bobs of his head, took more and more of him into that … beautiful, hot, wet, perfect, smart mouth. A shaky hand lifted and tenderly carded through golden blond hair, earning him another appreciative moan. It was as silken as he had imagined it’d be.

A wickedly talented tongue ran up the side of his heavy shaft and over the head. Fenris had to close his eyes and throw his head back when Anders moved his tongue around rim of the head, teasing the sensitive glans, before suckling steadily on it.

He could feel the heat starting to coil low, he wasn’t going to last...but, oh, did he want it to last, he wasn’t ready for it to be over! But Anders' wicked tongue was caressing every ridge and detail of his rock hard cock, swallowing him down with and eagerness that suggested he was enjoying it as much as Fenris was. _Vehendis!_

“Ahh-Anders!” he tried shakily. “Anders, I-I’m…!”

“It’s okay,” Anders purred, his voice low and seductive. “I want you to. I want it.”

That was it, the fight left him like his breath when in one move Anders took him to the hilt and swallowed around him, the ripples of his mouth and throat caressing his cock in the most exquisite way.

Before Fenris could warn him, white blinding pleasure slammed into him, and he came with a full body shudder and a cry of ecstasy. Anders gave an excited, happy moan and kept swallowing, even when Fenris was worried he’d choke Anders with the sheer force and intensity of his orgasm.

He wasn’t sure how or when, but Anders was supporting him, nursing him through his orgasm, and the next thing he knew he was on the carpet in Anders’ arms being held tight. But that wasn’t the strangest part, he was…

“Maker, Fenris, are you… purring?” Anders’ gentle, amused voice floated to his ears.

He suddenly sat up straight, the strange vibration in his chest swallowed down. “No!” he said defensively, knowing full well his ears were bright red. His hands shot up to cover them.

“Hey, hey it’s okay,” Anders reassured him with a smile, prying his hands down. He ran his fingers tenderly over the tips of his ears, a caress so sweet Fenris felt his heart miss a beat. “I’ve read in some textbooks that elves used to purr, but that it had mostly been bred out in the South. I’m taking you didn’t know you could?”

Fenris shook his head with a scowl, quickly tucking himself back into his pants and looking away, but not moving from his spot between the mage’s legs on the floor. He did not like the strange, unexpected animalistic impulse that had escaped him.

Anders smiled warmly, his eyes kind and soft as he tucked a finger under Fenris’ chin to lift his face, their noses close enough to brush. “That’s good, it means you feel happy… safe… I’m glad.” Then their lips met again, not as rushed and passionate as before, but more… tender and questioning.

But then Anders was pulling away, kisses becoming fewer and lighter. There was a sudden reluctance, hesitance, embarrassment? _no...no!_ Wait, Anders didn’t...

“I- I should-” Fenris started, his fingers going to the button of Anders jeans only to be stopped.

“No, there’s nothing you _should_ do, Fenris,” Anders said sternly. “I- ah…” he suddenly seemed unsure of himself, and laughed humorlessly. “I’m sorry if I jumped you a bit there… I realise now you might not ha-”

“No!” It was now or never, he had to tell Anders how he felt, that he wanted him, or he may never have the chance again.

“No?”

“No, I-, that is you didn’t… I-” _Why was this so hard! Just say it!_ He growled in frustration. “Kaffas! Anders…”

“Fenris?” Anders put a soft, warm hand on Fenris’ cheek, looking intently into his eyes. “Hey, you know you can tell me anything, right?”

“It… This is... more difficult than I anticipated…”

“What is it, Fen? It’s still your birthday, you can have whatever you want if it’s in my power.” Anders gave him a small smile, but the unsettlement was visible, Anders was nervous too. “I would give you anything. Just tell me, what do you need?”

“You.”

That was it. He had said it out loud. It was done.

“Do you really mean that?” Anders whispered, a breath’s width from him, his big eyes burnished gold in the lamplight as they searched his intently.

“Yes,” Fenris answered without delay.

Something shifted between them, something powerful. Fenris could see it in Anders as he could feel it himself. Anders smiled, his eyes soft again. He rose to his feet and held out his hand for Fenris, just as he had earlier the day.

Keeping his eyes on Anders’, too mesmerised to look away, Fenris took his hand. Anders laced their fingers together and lead them to Fenris’ room.

Anders sat on the edge then moved until his head rested on the pillow, pulling Fenris over him while keeping their eyes locked.

“You have me,” Anders whispered, his voice tense, before grabbing Fenris around the neck and pulling him down for a hard, desperate kiss.

The kiss quickly deepened as Anders spread his legs, pulling Fenris down between them. Hard flesh rubbed through clothing, eliciting groans from both men.

Desperate hands took hold of Fenris’ shirt and lifted it off his, and Fenris quickly helped Anders out of his own as well. Fenris lowered his body back down, feeling the warmth of Anders’ skin on his, his rapid heart beating against his chest, the soft trace of hair over his chest and navel, down into his pants… It set Fenris’ senses alite.

Anders ground his groin up into Fenris’, sparking a curse from the elf who had been kissing the sprinkles of freckles down Anders’ neck and shoulders. Fenris gave a low growl and ground his groin against Anders’.

_Too much fabric._

Fenris kissed and licked a trail over Anders’ collarbone down to a stiff nipple, giving the bud a light suckle. He was rewarded with a whine and a shiver. Fenris smiled and closed his eyes, taking in the taste and texture, committing it to memory as he kissed down until his hands flipped open the button on Anders’ jeans. Fenris bit down on the zip and pulled it down with him as he moved back, hungry eyes on Anders who looked both very scared and very aroused.

Fenris slid his hands over Anders’ slim waist and narrow hips, grabbing hold of the edges of his jeans and underwear. He paused and looked towards Anders, who nodded his permission, then pulled them off to toss them.

Spread out, nude, exposed to him in the dim light through the window, the patter of rain, Anders had never been more beautiful. Fenris stood on his knees between Anders’ legs and took in the sight, his breath hitching when the full weight of the moment hit him.

Him and Anders, Anders had said Fenris had him, all the nights he had lain in this very bed, aching for the man who was now here, giving himself to Fenris… It was almost too much.

Anders must’ve sensed the heavy emotion because he slowly sat up and tenderly kissed him. The kiss was sweet and slow, but with an undercurrent of deep longing. Careful hands joined to remove Fenris’ jeans and underwear, then they were lying back down, warm skin on warm skin.

Fenris’ hips bucked involuntarily, moving his hardened hot shaft over Anders’, and both men gasped. “Show me what you need,” Anders breathed, leaning his forehead against Fenris’.

Fenris’ hand moved almost on its own, wrapping around Ander’s stiff length and began slowly pumping him. Anders moaned loudly, then mirrored the action to take Fenris in hand, stroking him.

Foreheads pressed together, eyes closed, breaths mingling, the two men went by touch and the other’s reaction, keeping the pace and grip perfectly mirrored. Fenris paused to quickly grab a base of lube from his nightstand before giving both himself and Anders a generous amount.

“Aaah!” Anders cried out as a slick hand started picking up the pace, a thumb carefully moving over the slit to gather the precum leaking profusely. Fenris took it as the push he wanted.

Fenris' hand slowly started moving down over Anders’ balls, caressing the tender skin. Anders spread his legs wider in invitation, his one slicked hand still mirroring Fenris’ to cup, caress and stroke his sack before trailing back. Fenris lifted one leg so he was kneeling on one to grant Anders access.

Both slicked hands trailed back, circling the tight, hot hole of the other. Fenris swallowed thickly at the sensation, his mind going blank for the second Anders’ long fingers ran over the sensitive skin. Anders gasped when Fenris gently prodded at his hole, being sure to spread the slick where he needed it.

The building heat between their bodies was electrifying. Fenris couldn’t hold back anymore. He wanted - wanted to give, to receive - he wanted everything Anders could give and more. He brought his lips down for a deep, passionate kiss, immediately giving access to Anders’ demanding tongue, as he finally pushed one slick finger into Anders.

The man was hot and tight and perfect. Fenris had done this before, preparing Danarius, but never because he wanted to, never with such tenderness and devotion, never had it done to him - he was usually ordered to prepare himself. Danarius would then take him from behind or ride him, not allowing Fenris to make any noise or take his own pleasure - _this, this was so different. This was…_

“Oh yes Fenris! Oh love, yes! Right there!”

_… Love._

The moment the word crossed Anders’ lips, Fenris was gone. He had stopped thinking and just gave in, gave over. One finger became two, which became three, caressing over that spot that had Anders writhing and moaning. The sensations of Anders doing the same to him just heightened everything and Fenris felt like something in him was going to snap and let him float to the Golden City.

“Fenris,” Anders panted. “Fen, please love, please just.. Just take me!”

Fenris struggled to catch his breath. He removed his fingers and kissed Anders deeply one more time. 

His cock slicked up, Fenris was surprised when it was Anders who again took hold of him to line him up, lifting his knees.

Fenris just closed his eyes, and pushed in. Anders whimpered when the big, swollen head breached him, but before Fenris could pull away Anders had wrapped his legs around Fenris’ narrow hips and pulled him closer. Fenris took the hint and planted both palms on either side of Anders’ head, watching the man’s face as he slowly pushed until his hips were flush against Anders’, cock buried deep inside the man he loved.

Both took a moment to catch their breaths, to adjust to the intense heat and tight fit. Fenris kept his heavy-lidded eyes on the beautiful man below him. Anders already looked so wanton and debauched when he nodded for Fenris to continue.

In careful, slow thrusts, Fenris pulled out then pushed back in. The tight, slick heat of Anders making him already feel like he was dancing on the edge of ecstasy.

Anders opened his half lidded eyes, his pupils blown until only a golden ring remained. His face and chest were flushed in colour, his silken, blond hair beautifully fanned out on Fenris’ pillow. With every thrust of Fenris’ hard cock into Anders the mage rocked beneath him, his lips parted and red in his heavy panting.

He was glorious, gorgeous, and… _mine._

Fenris lowered his head onto Anders’ shoulder, nuzzling and kissing as he picked up the pace he could no longer hold slow. Anders’ pants grew into moans as Fenris angled his hips to stroke over that delicious spot inside.

“That’s it, moan for me Anders, let me hear what you feel…”

“Ah! Ah! Fen…! Your voice- it’s criminal.”

“My- _ah! Fasta Vass!_ My voice?”

“Like- _Urghaa, Yes!_ Like chocolate and wine and- _Oh Maker!_ And you have no idea how many times I- _Aah!_ I’ve gotten hard just from you talking! _Oh Yes! Harder love!_ ”

Fenris couldn’t help the low chuckle in his chest, the joy of it. He obeyed, picking up the pace until he was slamming into Anders, holding onto his hips to keep him in place. His mage wanted him too, called him ‘love’… It was perfect, everything he could’ve wanted for a birthday and. _..and..._

“Aaaahh-nders!” Fenris cried out as he spilled himself deep inside Anders. His pulsing, hard cock shooting over Anders’ prostate, making the man gasp loudly and cry out.

Fenris’ senses took a while to come back to him, when he realised Anders had still not gone. Anders reached for his own cock, but Fenris grabbed his wrist.

“No,” he panted. “Not like that.” Anders’ quizzical look was so adorable Fenris smiled and kissed his clammy brow. “In me.”

Fenris lowered himself down and onto his side, back to Anders. He pulled his one leg up, and reached behind to guide Anders to his already prepared hole. He gave the man no chance to protest as he rocked back, taking him all in one thrust.

Anders cried out his name, gripping Fenris’ toned, narrow hips hard enough to bruise, then he started rocking in. Anders was clearly too close to the edge himself to question, just allowing nature and need to guide him as he thrust into Fenris, his other arm winding around to hold Fenris close to his chest, his breath heavy in Fenris' ear between licks, kisses and bites to his neck. It was intimate and warm and safe, and Fenris wouldn't change a thing.

It didn’t take long, and Fenris’ spent cock was already hardening again for the third time when Anders came with a shout he quickly muffled by biting down on Fenris’ neck. The sensation of the sharp stinging bite, the feel of delicious fullness, and the pulsing cum over his prostate sent Fenris into haze of pleasure.

The two men just laid there, breathing heavily. Despite the heat between them, and the sheen of sweat on their bodies, Anders held Fenris tightly to his chest and Fenris leaned back into him.

Sleepy, happy, and sated, Fenris reached down to grab a shirt to clean them off as much as he could. They would shower in the morning. _Yes, shower in the morning, Anders will be in my arms and the world will be a different place, a better place, because I have Anders._

With that thought, he pulled the covers over them both and snuggled into his mage’s warm arms.

“Good night Fen-bear…”

“Good night… love.”

They fell asleep to a steady, deep purr, and it wasn't Pounce.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did you like it???? :D It's smut guys! I WROTE SMUT! (please don't tell my mom).
> 
> If you feel you haven't read enough yet, here's some FicRec's! Ps: Have a fic you'd like me to recommend? [ Drop me a line on Tumblr! ](https://dovabunny.tumblr.com/)
> 
> [ Oh let me howl at the moon in your pants ](http://archiveofourown.org/works/9257003) by TheJourneyManInn  
> \- 'The revelation that Anders regularly goes without underwear leads to Fenris developing an ever-increasing obsession with his ass. When he finally decides to confront the mage about it and persuade him to put him out of his misery by at least wearing smalls, things quickly get…heated.' [Check out the rest of Journey's works! Highly recommended writer]
> 
> [ For The Love of Soccer Dads and Bake Sales ](http://archiveofourown.org/works/5970982/chapters/13723150) by ContreParry  
> \- 'There is always that one obnoxious parent at the PTA meetings. For Fenris, Anders is that parent.' [Fenris is a single dad and dance instructor and Anders is a vet who is also raising a kid alone. It's adorable, just read it!]


	13. The Cost of Freedom

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Helloooooo!! Sorry for the wait there, but good news is that the last three chapters are all done and going up together! So yay :D
> 
> A big thanks again to the lovely [ Social Deception ](http://archiveofourown.org/users/SocialDeception/pseuds/SocialDeception) for being my gandalf and my beta!

_13 Months and 1 day after the Call_

_________________________

Fenris awoke feeling happier than he ever remembered being.

Last night, on his 21st birthday, Fenris had spent the day with the man he admired above all, Anders had called him _love_ , and they had shared their passions and hearts with each other until they had fallen asleep in each other’s arms. It was a deep happiness and incredible joy that still lingered, and made his chest tingle and lips curl involuntarily. It seemed birthday wishes did come true after all.

_This must be what free men feel like, this happiness and hope._

Fenris smiled, eyes still closed, as scenes of last night played in his head, causing his cock to stir with interest. The vision of Anders, flushed, panting, in the throes of ecstasy beneath him, the way he moaned as Fenris thrust into him, the tight, hot feel of him around his cock, the delicious fullness of Anders in him… _Kaffas!_

Fenris slowly opened his eyes. He was on his side facing Anders who was faced away. It was still raining heavily, the light from the window soft in the room, but still somehow making Anders’ silken hair appear golden.

This man. This beautiful, kind, wonderful man had returned his feelings. Fenris couldn’t believe his luck that someone like Anders would take interest in him, but here they were, waking up together in Fenris’ bed on a Sunday morning.

_I could prepare us breakfast, and Anders would want hot chocolate in this weather._ Fenris smiled at his sweet, silly mage. He didn’t want to wake Anders, but also, he really, really wanted to kiss him again…

Slowly, carefully, he reached out a hand to Anders. “Hey, can I make us breakfast?” he whispered. But, the moment Fenris’ hand made contact with Anders’ warm skin, Anders tensed and froze.

Fenris yanked his hand back like Anders’ skin had burned. He felt a heavy panic set in his stomach.

_I did something wrong! No, no I just startled him. Nothing is wrong. Everything is fine, great actually._

“Anders?” he asked softly.

Anders just laid there for a few moments, still tense and stiff, before quickly sitting up. He mumbled something about the bathroom, then quickly grabbed his clothes and left, closing the door behind him.

Fenris could hear his heart pounding. Something was wrong, something was very wrong. Did he do something? Was his memory of the night before flawed somehow? Maker, he didn’t pressure Anders into this did he? No, he didn’t… Then what did he do wrong?

Fenris sat at the edge of the bed, nervously picking at the corner of the bedding as he racked his brain for what had gone wrong. Maybe he was still reading things incorrectly, maybe Anders was just groggy from sleep. _Yes, that had to be it…_ If it wasn’t… well… Fenris didn’t want to think about that possibility.

Fenris quietly got up and got dressed. To keep his mind busy, he also quickly tidied up the room. With one last look in the mirror to make sure he looked okay, he stepped out the door…

...only to find a sight that struck him like a blade of ice to the chest.

On the couch sat Anders, his head in his hands, dressed, with a packed duffle bag at his feet and his work bag next to him. Fenris looked up to see his desk had been cleared.

Fenris swallowed down the panic that threatened to overpower him, the fear that was setting in. _Surely I have to be reading all of this wrong, it can’t be what it looks like. Anders is just being silly...right?_

“Anders?” he quietly asked.

Anders’ head jerked up, startled to see Fenris standing quiet and submissive in the doorway.

“Oh… Fenris… You’re up.” Anders sounded tired and tense.

“You- you going somewhere?” Fenris asked, his voice small and uncertain.

“I- yes. Fenris, we need to talk.”

_No. No, no, no. This can’t be happening._

“Last night… was a mistake.”

Fenris felt sick. His heart was pounding, his head foggy, and his stomach threatened to empty itself right there.

“Wha- what do you mean?” Fenris took a small step into the room, his hand picking at his sleeve to try and calm his nerves. He wanted to put on his red hoodie, Anders’ red hoodie. The one he wore when Anders first brought him home. It made him feel safe and grounded.

“I’m- I’m so, so sorry Fen.” That’s when Fenris saw that Anders had been crying; his eyes were red and heavy with tears. “This is all my fault, I should’ve known better- I should never have let it gone that far and I failed you. _I failed you!_ I’m so, so very sorry.”

“I don’t understand.”

“I should’ve seen it earlier. I knew something was off, but I chose not to see it! Too blinded by my own, selfish happiness and desire. Maker I had wanted you for so long… But it was- ‘ _is’_ wrong!”

“Anders, you’re scaring me.”

“Don’t you see?! I’m no better than Danarius!”

Fenris reeled back as if he were struck. Danarius? No, Anders was nothing like him! “Anders, you’re-”

“Don’t. Just- Don’t, please. I can’t hide behind the lies anymore. I should’ve seen the patterns… It’s not the first time.”

“First time?”

“Karl…”

Anders had always avoided talking about the great former love of his life. The one that got him to pull himself together. Fenris had a terrible feeling about this.

“I never told you exactly what happened.” Anders continued, looking defeated. “I should’ve. Maybe you could’ve avoided all of this.” Anders sighed. “Please sit down?”

“I can stand.”

“Very well.” Anders sighed and wiped angrily at his eyes. “He was 22 and I was 17. I worshiped the air he breathed. He was so full of kindness and care where I had only felt hate and ignorance. His patience with me, the way he helped me, it changed me, saved me.”

Fenris felt an uncomfortable pang at how familiar it sounded, the five year age difference, the saviour, the lost young man…

“I fell for him hard. After six months of pining, one day I just kissed him… and he kissed back. Then the day I passed my harrowing, a cruel test to see if we are stable and strong enough to be released from the Gallows, he told me he was being transferred.”   

Fenris couldn’t help but see the way the mage tensed at the memory as he continued, his own fears and worries momentarily second to wanting to comfort his mage.

“He said it was for the best,” Anders continued. “That we were not truly equals, that by kissing me back he had abused our power dynamic. I cried, _pleaded_ with him not to go, but he had made up his mind. He left the day before I was released. I swore to myself I would find a way for us to be together, as equals. So from that day on I worked myself to the bone. I spent all my time studying, making sure I could get into the best med school in the country - an assurance that I would be able to get into the medical faculty of my choosing, the one where Karl was.”

“And in the end, you came here.” Fenris stated more than asked.

Anders nodded. “One day I just showed up here at KU, introduced as the new junior lecturer. I had dreamed for so long about seeing Karl again… We hit it off right away, spending all our free time together. Soon friendship turned to more, but nothing was ever official, till one day his ex-fiance called, saying her leaving was a mistake and she wanted him back. He went right back to her.”

Fenris felt himself bristled at that; an anger and hurt he felt on Anders’ behalf. Anders clenched his jaw before continuing.

“His colleague told me the next day it was strange how similarly Karl had treated me and his fiance, like I had been a temporary ‘replacement’. Ever since then I threw myself into work, spending all my free time helping where I could. Becoming ‘Dr Anders from the student clinic’ and ‘Dr Anders from sex ed’.”

Fenris felt a wave of anger and sympathy hit him. _How could Karl not have told him? Who could anyone possibly want more than Anders? The man was too good for Karl!_ Maker, working so hard all those years for someone who didn’t want him. But...

“What does that have to do with us?”

Anders shook his head. “Don’t you see, Fenris? I was just replacing Danarius… just as I had replaced Karl’s fiance. I had taken his place, keeping you from moving on. I filled the gap he left in your life, keeping you from learning what it truly means to be a free man and live by your own rules.”

“Anders, you didn’t replace him. You could never-”

“Just because you can’t see it doesn’t mean it’s not true, Fenris!” Anders cried out in frustration, then sagged back onto the couch. “I have to make this right by you. I have let you down, and now I need to let you go. I- I have been offered a great position at another university. They’ve hounded me for months to take it. I just sent them the acceptance. I start next week.”

Fenris couldn’t breathe. Anders was leaving - was leaving him. Fenris’ hand went to the love-bite he could still feel on his neck, the one Anders gave him when he reached his climax with Fenris in his arms, holding him close.

“But I-” Fenris was trying so hard to keep it all together when everything in him was shaking in hurt and anger and desperation. “I love you Anders… Please, _please_ don’t go, don’t leave me. Surely you-”

“Do you even know what that means, Fenris!?” Anders shouted, eyes full of tears. “You know how to belong to someone, how to be devout and loyal.  It’s what you’ve always known. But to freely love?I don’t think you know what that means.”

“How- how dare you…”

Anders just closed his eyes, tears spilling over his cheeks as he hung his head. “Your scholarship will cover the apartment. You can have whatever I leave. You need to live on your own for a while Fenris, truly become your own man. Find what you like and hate, not just live to please others and follow their desires.”

“You-,” it was all too much, all bubbling to the surface and Fenris was dealing with it the only way he knew how - anger. “You LIED TO ME!”

“I didn’t-”

“You said you were my friend! Last night you called me ‘love’!”

“That wasn’t a lie, Fenris, I swear-”

“You _promised_ you’d never leave me!” Fenris screamed at the cowering man, his fists clenched tight enough to draw blood in his palms. “You _PROMISED!_ ”

Anders sobbed into his hands, shoulders rounded. “This… This is why I need to go Fenris. This is not right, it’s not good for you! Please, _please_ believe me when I say I’m doing this _because_ I care for you!” Anders pleaded.

“No… NO!” Fenris paced around the apartment, looking for something to break, something to throw. He needed to release this anger that was choking him. “I WILL NOT believe any more of your lies, _Mage_!”

“Fen,” Anders said softly with a sob. “Please Fen, just, try to understand, please!”

“Shut it, you abomination!” It all welled up; all the hate and rage and anger directed at magic, at Danarius, at the Magisters of Tevinter, at the slavery he was raised in, the degradation and abuse.“Bah, mages, magic, deceiving filth! Vipers who will only lie, and use you! I should’ve known.”

“Fenris,” Anders said suddenly sober, his eyes still watery, cheeks streaked in tears. “Surely you don’t mean-”

“I- mean- every- word.” Fenris said slowly, deeply, with emphasis.

A silent moment passed. Blazing emerald eyes narrowed hatefully at tearful golden ones. The only sound being the angry rattling of the rain on the windows.

“I hate you.” Fenris said through clenched teeth seeped in rage. “I can’t believe I ever trusted you, you and your delusions of ‘helping’ people. It was all just for your own selfish gains.”

Anders looked like he’d been punched in the gut. His face open, vulnerable and hurt as he took a stumbling step back. Then he shut his eyes tightly, bit down on his bottom-lip - the bottom-lip that, only hours before, Fenris had finally tasted and worshiped - as if he was bracing himself.

“Good-bye Fenris.” The mage said quietly to the floor. Slowly he picked up his backpack and duffle bag. “I wish you luck in life and happiness.” Fenris watched as Anders slowly turned towards the door. “Know that I will never forget-” Anders cut himself off, the sound of a sob caught in his throat. “I’ll never forgive myself for this.”

With those parting words, Anders dropped his keys in the bowl, opened the door, and closed it behind him.

Fenris stood staring at the back of the heavy wooden door. He felt lost in time and space, like he was frozen in a bad dream that he just wouldn’t wake from.

He came to slowly, as bit by bit of the conversation sank in. Seconds, minutes, hours… He didn’t know how long he had stood just staring at the door, so convinced none of this could be real, the shattering ache in his chest couldn’t be real.

_Anders…_ Oh Maker, the things he said.

“Oh no,” he whispered as it hit him. “What have I done?”

Fenris sprung into action, rushing for the door. “No, no, no, no, no… Anders!” he cried out as he flung open the door and raced down the stairs.

_No, no, no, please no. Please Maker, please let him still be here._

“ANDERS!”

Fenris ran as fast as he could to the ground floor and checked the parking lot. Anders’ car was gone. Fenris was hit by a wave of dizziness as all sound drowned out to the rush of blood in his ears. Panic set in, panic he had not felt since that fateful night Anders came to him on Hawke’s couch.

_No! Please don’t take him from me! Not Anders, not my Anders, PLEASE!_

Fenris bolted out of the parking area into the rain and onto the street, frantically searching up and down, uncaring of the heavy rain soaking through his clothes.

“ANDERS!” His desperate cry got cut off by rolling thunder. He turned the other way: “ANDERS! COME BACK!”

It was no use. The street was eerily quiet and he could barely hear his own yelling over the storm.

_Phone. I can call him! Apologize, beg him to come back! He’ll listen, surely._

Fenris chastised himself for not thinking of it earlier as he spun and raced back inside and up to the apartment, not even bothering to wait for the lift.

As soon as he opened to door, stepping into their cozy, familiar home with dripping clothes he heard a sad, pitiful meow.

“Pounce?”

The cat crawled out from under the couch, looking scared and uncertain. Fenris bent down and held out a hand. Pounce immediately trotted over and rubbed his head into the cold, wet hand.

“If he left you-”

Fenris felt cold. Colder inside than out. If Anders left Pounce… Slowly he got up and walked to the bathroom. He plucked off all his wet clothes and dropped it in the shower, not bothering with it now.

Cold, naked and scared, he got his phone from the coffee table and went to Anders’ room. It was tidy, that should’ve been a sign. He sat on the bed, and called the first number on his speed dial.

A buzzing sound came from the nightstand. Fenris turned to see Anders’ phone. It just kept ringing as he stared. Fenris’ called ID was a photo of the two of them smiling at the Hanged Man.

_‘Hey! You’ve reached Anders. I don’t feel like answering right now… JK! Probably just busy with class or bothering Pounce and Fenris. Leave a message! Byyee.’_

Fenris ended the call.

He reached out and put his phone down next to Anders’. Then he walked up to Anders’ chest of drawers, which was still half full, and pulled out his Wardens University sweater.

Slipping it on, he turned back to crawl under the covers on Anders’ bed. It still smelled like him, like hot chocolate and elfroot and comfort. Not even the strongest of men could fight the tears that came.

_Oh Anders… Anders, love, what have I done…_

_I can’t do this without you._

  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don'thatemedon'thatemedon'tehateme! *hands out angst cookies* 
> 
> Will some fic recs make it better? In keeping with the theme of the chapter, how about this edition's Fic Rec's is 'Angst with a Happy Ending?'
> 
> [ We Became Each Other ](http://archiveofourown.org/works/6386029/chapters/14624092) by [ Nikki66 ](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Nikki66/pseuds/Nikki66)  
> -When Hawke hands both Fenris and Anders over to Danarius, terror rules their lives. A rare bond forms as they realize they are all that one another has. Will rescue come before it's too late? Will they be able to heal the wounds that are soul-deep? [Nikki is the absolute QUEEN of angst (RL nurse too) and writes incredibly beautifully! Her stuff is rough, but psychologically accurate and powerful. Check out here other work for more delicious angsty Fenders]
> 
> [ Army Greens ](http://archiveofourown.org/works/11322225) by DovaBunny (ME!)  
> -"Forgive me Anders. This is something I have to do. For those who saved me, for those like me, and those like you. Goodbye love.” Fenris goes off to war against Tevinter, leaving the love of his life behind. A heartbreaking fic with a happy ending for Anders week. [A short 2 000w ficlit I wrote for Anders week day 3. It came out really good I think! Let me know your thoughts please?]


	14. The Free Man

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SECOND LAST CHAPTER! 
> 
> THIS IS HAPPENING!
> 
> LOUD NOISES!

_ 6 Years after The Call _

________________________

 

Fenris smiled to the barista, took his hot chocolate, and made his way to the little table tucked in the furthest corner of the little coffee shop. He should remember to thank Josephine for suggesting this place.

His table was far away from all the other patrons, because even as his circumstances had changed, he still liked his space. Especially with how social his day had been so far. Skyhold University had invited him to give his input and feedback to their proposed plan to change the way Thedas saw magic. Fenris looked down at the seminar program, and scoffed at the way they introduced him.. Not that anyone ever read these things. 

‘Prof. Dorian Pavus, representing The Inquisition on behalf of Skyhold University is proud to host Dr. Fenris Leto: esteemed scholar and thinker on the matters of politics, philosophy, and magical theory.’

At least Dorian was pretty open-minded and intelligent. Even for a Tevinter magister. 

Fenris sighed and pulled his notes out to review his presentation for later that afternoon to the Inquisition board. They were a panel of mixed individuals from all walks of life and from all over Thedas. They were still very new, but whispers of their ambitions and plans had reached him even before Dorian contacted him in his little corner of the world. 

Fenris was a postdoctoral fellow at Kirkwall University where he lived in his small 2 bedroom apartment with his cat Pounce. In the past five years of living alone he had learned a lot about himself.

For instance, he was an introvert, but he highly regarded and cared for his small group of friends. He had body intelligence and excelled at physical sports as much as he did in the front of a classroom, but he lacked the emotional intelligence to match, easily withdrawing and getting frustrated. He guessed that’s why Varric called him ‘Broody’.

He prefered his office and gym to the outdoors because he didn’t like feeling dirty. He preferred the taste of hot chocolate and coffee to tea, which was odd as he generally didn’t have a sweet tooth. He liked the colours green, gold, gray, and black, and didn’t like being late or messy. He also preferred reading over watching TV, and playing xbox with friends than alone. He liked men and women equally, yet… he had never dated anyone for longer than two months. Not since-

Fenris’ throat suddenly felt tight and he took a deep sip of his hot chocolate. He refused to think on that, on the reason why no one else had managed to catch his eye in all this time. The one no one else could measure up to. 

Fenris never spoke of him, but knew from overheard conversation that Hawke and the gang kept in touch, but quickly changed the conversation when he was around. 

He couldn’t resent them for it, however. They hadn’t been the ones to curse and insult, to chase away. They were an odd bunch, but loyal to a fault. It was actually Varric and Justine who put him into contact with the Inquisition in the first place. 

Shaking the thought from his head, Fenris pulled out his notes and started working on them. 

________________________

Anders stood in the furthest corner of the room near the large table of drinks. _ If I could physically put up a ward, I would. _ He hated gigs like this, even more so since he left the academia. Everyone trying to show off their publications while trying to rub shoulders with the big guns.  _ Bragh!  _ Good thing no one knew who he was. 

Still, he should at least try to seem approachable. He did agree to this. Or rather, Varric hounded him about it until he finally accepted just to be left alone. No matter, he had his hot chocolate, and he was the first speaker. He would do his thing, say his piece, then be gone before anyone noticed. The program, which he didn’t even bother reading, referred to him as the ‘special guest’, which suited him just fine. The less they knew of him, the better.  

“We’re up in five minutes people!” a bored looking elf with short blond hair said over the mic. “So, yeah, grab a seat and a drink or whatev’s. Good seats go quickly so hurry yu’r asses, yeah?” Just as she stepped away from the mic, Anders could faintly hear her mumble to herself: _ “Snooty buncha pricks.” _

_ Couldn’t agree more. _

Anders kept his head down as he turned back to the table for a refill before going behind the stage. The table was suddenly pretty swarmed so he could blend into the crowd. 

Just then, he felt a slight bump and a low growl. He instinctively apologized with a hushed: “Sorry.” This was followed by a low: “Pardon me.”

_ Wait… _ The voice was so low and soft he could barely hear it over the commotion around him, but his head immediately whipped up. It was familiar, the faint bit he could hear was painfully familiar in fact, but he needed to hear more to place it. 

He spun around, but none of the faces sparked his memory.

Anders sighed.  _ Must be my imagination. _ He grabbed his mug and ducked his way out of the crowd to the front. 

He barely sat down before the microphone squawked. 

“Oh my!” Dorian reeled. “That’s unpleasant! Ahem. Ladies and gentlemen, scholars and friends, if you would please settle down. Thank you.” Dorian fixed his the collar of his lavish outfit and cleared his throat before continuing. “Welcome to the first ever meeting of the Inquisition Collective, hosted here in Skyhold University.” 

There was a subtle academic murmur and applause - save for one huge horned qunari at the back who cheered and whistled at Dorian, causing the Vint to blush. 

“Now then. As you all know, the Inquisition is a group made up of activists, scholars, researchers, and thinkers from around the world, bound together by the common cause of Thedas-wide reform regarding magic. Too long have we imprisoned powerful mages, executed untrained mages, and turned away from the abuses of magic here and across the borders.”

There was a mutter of agreements in the crowd. 

“Our first speaker knows this more than anyone. He has seen the abuses of magic both personally and in his line of work. He is a mage himself and an avid supporter of mage rights, but has also worked for years fighting its abuses.” 

Dorian looked down at Anders and smiled. 

“I believe all of you, by now, have heard of the infamous ‘Mage Underground’ - a secret organisation of mages who smuggled elves out of Tevinter and slaver operations. Very little is known of them, or how they work, just that they are powerful and effective, having saved around three thousand elves from the abuses of slavery and opening the Dalish-operated safe houses where these individuals are rehabilitated and eventually reintroduced into society.” 

An excited mumbling from the crowd. 

“Well, ladies and gentlemen, it is my esteemed honour today to introduce to you our first speaker and founder of the Mage Underground - Dr Anders!”

The audience gasped and clapped lively as Anders just rolled his eyes and stepped up to the podium. It took a while for the wide eyes and whispers to die down. 

“Thank you Dorian. I won’t take up too much of your time. The Inquisition has asked me to join them due to my experience and knowledge of the abuses of magic in Tevinter and in mage correctional facilities such as the so-called ‘Gallows’, where I was kept as a boy.”

Anders kept his eyes on the podium but could feel the sympathetic eyes on him. 

“Magic, as I hope you would all agree, is not a curse or a sin. It is a gift that can be used to heal, to protect, to fight for justice, and make lives easier. However, there are those who would abuse this gift, tainting not only the magic they’d been blessed with, but also people’s perception of magic, leading to fear, hate, and intolerance. This cannot be allowed.”

There were murmurs of agreement in the audience, and he continued. 

“Tevinter is run by magisters and powerful families with magic in their blood. It is also the only country where slavery is still legal, however, this seems to be limited almost entirely to elves. For centuries elves have suffered under blood magic, abuse, harsh working conditions, and even death at the hands of their masters. The world has turned a blind eye to this for far too long; Maker knows  _ I _ didn’t even know of the full extent of it, just believing that elves made up the majority of the working class in Tevinter - like I’m sure most of you do. That is, until about five years ago…”

Anders gripped the edge of the podium, his knuckles going white. He had never told this story, but try as he might to move on, it would always be his one big regret. He knew it was time. Putting a face to the slave trade would get the support the Inquisition desperately needed. 

“You see, I met a young man. Intelligent beyond measure, brave, loyal, and strong. He had a world of possibilities at his feet, only, he couldn’t see it, because he was an elf from Tevinter.”

Another mumble in the audience as people shifted to the edge of their chairs. 

“He was brought to the South under false pretences of ‘freedom’  by a member of a powerful Tevinter family, but was kept as a slave, only allowed out of his sight to attend classes. He did not know better, he did not question his master and did as he was told, only too thankful to the man. He did not see the leash around his neck, until the abuses went too far and our paths crossed.”

Anders took a deep breath. A memory flashed before his eyes, of a young man sitting on a couch, big green eyes wide in panic, his clothes torn and his body battered, red staining soft white hair. He felt his chest tighten painfully.

“I tried to help him as best I could, but I didn’t know what I was doing. I didn’t realise the extent to which slavery corrupts until the damage was done.”

More memories surfaced, images long suppressed in his deepest dreams and regrets. Memories of soft, warm lips; of flushed olive skin and heavy lidded emerald eyes gazing down at him with such love and devotion while bodies rocked together… ‘ _ What do you want?’ _ ,  _ ‘You’ _ . Of soft purring against his chest and words whispered: ‘ _ Good night… love. _ ’

Those memories were, overshadowed, however, with feelings of crippling guilt,  _ ‘Last night...was a mistake. _ ’, of tears that wouldn’t stop as he drove away from everything he had ever wanted because he knew it was the right thing to do.  _ ‘I failed you! I’m so, so, very sorry.’ _ Anger and hurt in big green eyes,  _ ‘I love you, Anders’, ‘You promised you’d never leave me!’ _

Anders shut his eyes tightly against the sudden surge of memories, the love, the hurt, the guilt… He felt his eyes warm and tear up, but he fought it down. 

“That day my life was forever changed,” he continued slowly to a silent crowd. “I dedicated my life to trying to help others like that young man, who never knew how beautiful, talented, and smart he was, who never knew how to be free because he knew only shackles and devotion.”

Just then, a hand went up at the back of the audience.

Anders furrowed his brows. Odd. “Err, yes? Person in the back?” All eyes turned, but the person remained seated and unseen. 

“Have you ever considered, Dr Anders, that perhaps  _ your  _ definition of ‘freedom’ and this young man’s may be two different things but neither one incorrect? Or did you just abandon him like some failed experiment, and moved on to more successful attempts at helping slaves?”

Anders head shot up, his eyes narrowed in barely held anger. “How DARE yo-”  _...wait, that voice. _

Suddenly he heard that voice ring in his ears a thousand times. Pleading with him to keep close, firmly telling the nurse that Anders was allowed to stay, asking what he did wrong in cleaning the house, complaining about Pounce, teasing him for losing in Mario Kart, laughing at cat poop in Hawke’s shoe, angry at being weak when running into his old master, brave in facing his fears in court, gentle and understanding when he was sick and clingy, shy when seated next to him on a romantic theme park ride, breathless in the throes of passion, and hurt and raw as he begged Anders not to go. 

“I-” His throat constricted. He wanted nothing more than to run to him, to beg for forgiveness, to hold him and cry until his body gave out. “The more I dealt with former slaves, the more it did dawn on me that freedom for one man and freedom for another may not be the same, but by then it was too late. In the moment I had done what I believed was right by him. Last I heard, the young man was happy and finally living life on his own terms surrounded by those who care for him.”

Anders bit his lip and swallowed around the lump in his throat. 

“But not a day goes by that I do not regret the way things ended. If I didn’t know he resents me deeply, if I could speak to him again, I would beg his forgiveness and tell him how sorry I was. I would tell him how smart and kind and beautiful he was, and that he deserved better. But I never could, so I devoted myself to helping others like him instead.”

Anders tried to see Fenris, but the light on him cast the audience in darkness. He couldn’t talk anymore, couldn’t do this. 

He sniffed and cleared his throat. “The point of me being here today was openly pledge the Mage Underground’s support for the Inquisition. I look forward to be working with them in the future and making Thedas a safe and free place for all. Thank you.”

He gave a small bow of the head and turned to leave. Almost the entire audience shot to their feet with questions and comments, some cheering for the ‘heroic infamous figure’ the leader of the Mage Underground was made out to be. 

Anders ignored it all and left out the back door behind the stage. He needed to be away from the crowds, he needed to be somewhere where he didn’t have to hold up the pretense. 

He made it out of the building into the parking lot and into his beat-up little old green VW beetle. Safely inside his car, he finally allowed himself a few gasping breaths as the weight of what just happened hit him. 

_ Fenris… Fenris was here. _ Fenris had accused Anders of misunderstanding and abandoning him. It hurt, he had expected Fenris to hate him, but Maker it hurt to know it was true. Anders gripped the steering wheel and dropped his head. His body shook with silent sobs that ached deeply in his chest. 

Anders didn’t know how long he sat there and just tried to breathe. Eventually tears dried and pain dulled, but he still couldn’t get himself to move. That’s when a soft tap on the car window made him nearly jump out of his skin.

He clutched at his chest and racing heart, subconsciously checking that he didn’t just suffer a heart-attack, as he turned and looked up into big, curious green eyes, beautiful olive skin, and soft white hair. 

Without question he quickly got out of his car, closed the door and leaned against it. 

“Dr Anders from Sex Ed?” Fenris asked with a small smile. 

“Fenris…”

“It-” Fenris took a deep breath, folded his hands behind his back and stood up straight. “It is good to see you. You look well.”

Anders gave a breathy laugh in relief. Fenris was not here to yell at him. “ _ I _ look like shit,  _ you _ look great.” Anders smiled brightly at him. “ I like your hair shorter at the sides like that. . Very daring for an up and coming academic! And I must say, I’m surprised to see you here?”

Fenris rolled his eyes and scoffed. It was a gesture so familiar it made Anders’ heart flip in his chest. “Who else is going to pay me to see the universities of the world and listen to my ranting about mages?” 

The words may have been cruel, but Anders saw the faint smirk and twinkle in Fenris’ eye. Once their eyes locked, Anders’ breath left him. He suddenly felt empty with a deep, deep gnawing longing.

“Fenris, I-” Anders began after a moment of them both just looking at the other, but Fenris cut him off.

“You were wrong.”

“What?”

“The last time I saw you, you said I didn’t know what love was. Well, you were wrong.”

Anders felt stunned, confused. “How do you know?”

“Because I took your advice.” Fenris continued, seemingly wrestling with demons of his own but appearing calm and sure nonetheless. “I’ve lived alone for five years. I’ve gotten to know myself, my likes and dislikes, and lived as a free man, following my own heart.”

Anders’ lip quivered and he dropped his head, but remained silent at remembering the hard words he had left Fenris with. He braced for a cruel retort that he knew he deserved. 

But then, Fenris’ voice turned soft and shy as he continued. “Because for five years I’ve not been able to move on.” 

Anders looked up at him then, tear-filled eyes suddenly big. 

“Because for five years I have measured every man and woman I meet to you,” Fenris took a step closer to him, eyes intense and sincere. “And none even came close. Because I knew I am where I am today because of you, the kind, compassionate doctor and mage who took me in when I was at my worst.” Fenris smiled. “And now lives his life to help others like me.”

Fenris took a deep breath.

“... And because I had not stopped loving you, Anders.”

Anders’ breath left him in a rush, unblinking eyes now spilling with tears. His lips parted silently as Fenris took another step forward. 

“Also, I believe I have something of yours.”

Fenris reached into his sling bag and pulled out a simple red hoodie. 

He looked up at Anders’ big watery eyes, his own small smile fading as he softly said: “Anders, the way we parted, could you perhaps find it in you to forgive-”

Anders cut Fenris off by wrapping his arms around him, and burying his face into the crook of Fenris’ neck, breathing him in. His body felt right pressed up against his, familiar even through the years they had been apart. Anders clung to him desperately before speaking, his voice heavy with emotion.

_ “Maker I missed you, love.” _

There were a few heartbeats of silence before Fenris hesitantly raised his arms and folded them around Anders’ back. Then he tightened his hold on him, and Anders sagged against the embrace with relief.

“Come home,” Fenris murmured against Anders’ shirt. “Come back home, my mage.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FIC RECS!
> 
> For the sake of Funzies, I decided this chapter's recs will be other pairings! I am a #1 Fenders fan (I mean, my Tumblr's blog name is 'Fenders Defender') but there's room to enjoy another pairing every now and then! Here's some of my favourite non-Fenders fics:
> 
> [ A Red Promise ](http://archiveofourown.org/series/15045) by Brynneth  
> \- Zevran/Fenris [This is a very sweet, beautifully written fic with eventual smut that'll have you fanning yourself! You will have all the feels. I've personally read it 3x!]
> 
> [ Caught Looking ](http://archiveofourown.org/works/3803575/chapters/8473459) by draco_illius_noctis  
> \- Anders/Hawke [hilarious fic with nervous wreck and #1 Anders the baseball star fan: Garrette Hawke. I've read the whole 160000+ word fic twice already and laughed just as hard! Also, some of the hottest sexting like DAYUM!] 
> 
> [ Finding Home ](http://archiveofourown.org/works/4379207/chapters/9940256) by adelaide_rain  
> \- Hawke/Fenris. 'Hawke kind of has a crush on the new barista. A little one. Tiny in fact. Barely noticeable, apart from the embarrassing amount of time Hawke spends thinking about him. His name's Fenris. Smart and sharp, gorgeous and mysterious. Green eyes, white-blond hair, with fleeting smiles and white ink tattoos. Hawke's got it bad, and thank god he's got his friends to help him get a date, because he's not sure he could do it on his own. A story about Hawke, about Fenris, about friends and damn fine coffee'. [a sweet, easy reading coffee shop au that'll have you giggling at your phone!]


	15. The Final Step

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lastchapteromg.
> 
> Again, massive thanks to the lovely and talented [ Social-Deception](http://archiveofourown.org/users/SocialDeception/pseuds/SocialDeception) for being my beta and friend! Couldn't have done this without you! <3

_ 6 Years and 1 day after The Call _

_________________________

Fenris felt happier than he had in years, that was the first thing he knew before he even opened his eyes. He felt happy and safe and loved. 

Memories of the day before slowly unfolded in his mind. 

He remembered feeling the world stopped turning the moment Dorian called Anders’ name and the man stepped up to the podium. His hair was longer, up in a loose bun, and he was even lankier than before, but somehow he was just as beautiful. A stunning bright, brilliant beauty that lit up the room even as he walked with his shoulders hunched and head down. 

Then he heard Anders speak. That kind, healer’s voice that was firm and unwavering, as strong as his stance as he spoke of the dangers of unregulated magic. Then, his voice became soft, fond almost, as it spoke of him. To think that he,  _ Fenris _ , had inspired the  _ Mage Underground _ , the organisation that had become legendary for their daring rescues of slaves and heroed for their rehabilitation centres and safe houses around the world. Fenris was in awe of the man. 

Then, an old and ugly thing reared it’s head - an old anger born of pain and rejection. Anders had left him. Anders had made the sweetest love to him which left him ruined for anyone else then - left, apparently to right the wrong he felt he needed to atone for elsewhere. He saved other slaves, saw to it that they weren’t abandoned or forgotten. So why did Anders abandon him?

But it wasn’t abandonment. Anders was still as remorseful and ridden with guilt as he was five years ago. He had truly thought he had done what was best for Fenris, not knowing that Fenris had already found his freedom and himself - in loving Anders. 

Fenris slowly opened his eyes. He was in a bed, on his side. In front of him was a man facing away, the elegant lines of his bare back and the way his soft silken blond locks fell onto the pillow made Fenris’ chest clench. 

Fenris didn’t want to wake him, but he also really, really wanted to kiss him again. 

Slowly, cautiously, a hand reached out towards beautiful freckled pale skin, only to pause in fear. This was so familiar, painfully so, and Fenris swallowed thickly.  _ Had the past five years just been a bad dream? _

Fenris steeled himself. He promised himself long ago, sitting on the couch drinking hot chocolate with Anders after being confronted by Danarius on campus, that he would not let his fears keep him from living. 

The hand reached out and gently touched Anders’ shoulder. 

Fenris froze in anticipation, panic threatening just below the surface. He wouldn’t survive Anders leaving again, couldn’t. 

But he didn’t have to fear. Anders slowly turned around and blinked at him with a sleepy but happy smile. 

“Morning love.”

_________________________

 

_ 7 Years after The Call _

_________________________

 

“Friend of one of the grooms or both?”

“Both. And proud fiance to the lovely lady officiating the ceremony.” Varric nodded his head towards Justine who was giving Fenris what looked like a very scary pep talk while they waiting for Anders. At Fenris’ left stood Hawke holding Pounce dressed in a little bow-tie. 

“Wow, you’re lucky.”

“I won’t disagree with you slugger,” Varric chuckled. “But why do you say so?”

“I mean… you’re friends with Dr. Anders and Prof. Fenris - THE Anders and Fenris! The two are practically icons of justice! After how they lead the Inquisition and took on the Tevinter slave trade, exposing its influence across Thedas and literally saving, like, thousands of slaves! So cool…”

Varric just laughed at the eagerness of the young man. He took a quick peek at his pocket watch, an engagement gift from Hawke and Merril. Ten more minutes. 

“So, tell me about yourself kid?”

“I’m Adaar sir, Kaaras Adaar. History major during the week and Valo-Kas Moving Company muscle on the weekends. One day, I hope to be part of the Inquisition too!”

Varric gave the young Qunari a once over. The young man was easily twice his size but still seemed like a bright-eyed kid, with an honest eagerness to him. “You know what kid, come find me after the ceremony. I’ll introduce you to some people.”

Adaar lit up. “Thank you sir!”

“Don’t thank me just yet,” Varric grinned. “Thank me when you’re leading the Inquisition. Have them name a tower after me, or write the foreward in my next book!”

“Consider it done!”

“I’ll hold you to that.”

“Sir?”

“Yeah slugger?”

“How did you meet Anders and Fenris?”

Varric smiled fondly to where Fenris was standing, nervous but excited, eyes checking the doors every few seconds. “To know Anders and Fenris, I first need to tell you about a sweet, shy, young lecturer with a big heart that went by ‘Dr Anders from Sex Ed’...”

  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That's a wrap folks! :D
> 
> This was my first ever Fenders fic and first multi-chapter fic to finish! I'll be doing little ficlets that I'll post [ on my Tumblr ](https://dovabunny.tumblr.com/) and here during the Anders and Fenris weeks happening now. Next up I'll be working on my Prison AU ([ Mine ](http://archiveofourown.org/works/10410135/chapters/22987983)) and writing with protect_him on a fic where Anders is a blind baker and Fenris is drawn to the sweet man who is kind because he cannot see his scars and tattoos (Baker Guide You). To keep up subscribe to my AO3 or/and follow me on Tumblr!
> 
> Thank you so much for being with me through this! You guys made my day so many times! :D 
> 
> -Love, Wine, and Elfroot  
> DovaBuns


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